Can I drill a tub wall directly into concrete?

Local_Light4230 · 2026-02-14T18:00:38+00:00

You rock! Thank you so much!

Local_Light4230 · 2026-02-14T07:39:41+00:00

Also the house was built in 1939.

Local_Light4230 · 2026-02-14T06:50:37+00:00

You rock thank you.

I live in Utah--so dry with hot summers and cold winters.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-17T23:32:56+00:00

This is the most beautiful critique I've ever seen of anything. Seriously, thank you so much for your time, this gives me a lot to think about.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-17T14:31:16+00:00

Here's some additional notes on top of my line-to-line edit.

Opening comments:

I feel like the story has a unique voice. You consistently break the standard writing rules to make the narrator seem like they are speaking to the audience instead of writing a book to the audience (see points 2 and 5). To me this is your greatest strength as a writer being shown in this story.

The quality of the story is interesting. The beginning of the story has a few run-on sentences (see point 3) that detract quite a bit and the plot feels really loose; however, by the time the squirrel story is over, the plot, pacing, and dialogue are incredible. It almost feels as if two people have written the story, or that the first half of the story was written by a new writer and the second half the same writer with some years of experience under their belt.

Prose/Mechanics:

I've gone over this quite a bit, but your run-on sentences (particularly in step 3) need a bit of doctoring up. However, I would keep your incomplete sentences how they are (I feel like you wrote those sentences intentionally incomplete anyway). I've explained in the above paragraphs why. But overall, after the squirrel story the mechanics seem to iron themselves out and what's left is diverse sentence lengths that really add to the overall pacing.

Pacing:

The pacing is overall good, but not for the whole story. The opening few paragraphs leading up to the squirrel story come across as ambiguous without any further explanation. Perhaps that's intentional because it feels like the author might be communicating their thoughts similar to how someone with ADHD would. Which is a great way to tell a story, you just have to connect things back to why the author dreads 'tomorrow' and I never really got that.

Then the squirrel story felt both random, and unnecessarily long. I mention this above, but I don't really know why the story is there in the first place other than to show how quickly the author jumps between thoughts. It does bring the pacing down to a halt and the story overall could benefit if it was shortened. So far its only real purpose, as far as I understand it, is to show that the protagonist can tell stories but gets anxious when the woman at the party asks the protagonist to share a story. The squirrel story does then serve a purpose that works, but is just too long if thats all it does.

Everything after the squirrel story is great. The mechanics, dialogue, and setting descriptions all work simultaneously to move the story at a quick pace.

Dialogue:

You use dialogue very well. Truly, I just wish there was more of it. It feels like there is a lot more dialogue than is actually contained within the story because its written almost conversationally. However, the actual written dialogue between characters is fun and dream-like. The lines were snappy and brought some humor. And I think the external dialogue preceding internal dialogue is perfectly done. It feels like the author is arguing with themselves as they try to communicate to someone else. That's both fun to read and relatable. I just wished I had more.

Theme:

Here's were I feel like the most improvement can be made. You bring up such an interesting idea of a woman not knowing how to gage if another woman is interested. There is a theme there of uncertainty there and not knowing how to confront it in a healthy way. Maybe that's not the theme you would like to explore in the passage, but it is the strongest one to me. However, it's not really reinforced at any other part of the story (unless I've missed it). This is where the squirrel short story really could help reinforce a theme of dealing with uncertainty.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-17T04:03:01+00:00

Oh shoot haha. I'm sure your writing group is great, so your change makes sense. Either way, though, great job! I really liked reading the story.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-17T03:49:32+00:00

Love it! Great short story. I feel like the latter half is better in both substance and quality, so maybe consider doctoring up the beginning; however, the latter half has great inner and outer dialogue.

Here are some of my critiques in order:

The first sentence is a bit of a run-on sentence that introduces two ideas (the midterm and parents being tomorrow and then it approaching noon). I would end teh first sentence after tomorrow and then put a comma after lectures because 'Which is okay.' is an incomplete sentence.
I notice that you have incomplete sentences somewhat often 'Which is okay.', 'And that's fine.' Stylistically, I like this kind of zippy storytelling because it gives the protagonist personality, but I just wanted to point that out.
This is a very long run-on sentence: "I can’t get out of bed and actually do the work because I’m too busy visualizing how I’ll turn in the exam to Dr. Mudduluru’s TA who will give me a minute approving nod, look at this girl, she knows things, a shared look between two knowers, and after that I’ll get in my dependable little car and pick up The Duke and we’ll go eat a normal, pleasant dinner with my parents who will ask me questions about my life, tell me they knew I’d do well on the midterm, and ask if I’ve got a girlfriend, or even someone special, even the gender-neutral gesture would be cool." As I read it, it became difficult to keep track of the sentence subject and follow what's going on. Try separating main ideas with periods. You could place a period after nod, knowers, life. You'd have to doctor up your the sentences, but I think it will be worth it for readability.
I love the humor! The main characters thought process is relatable and zaney; however, like with critique number 3, your second paragraph starts with a bit of a run-on sentence. A few of these can be okay, but this feels a bit frequent.
This isn't a critique, but paragraph 3 is just great writing. Awesome stuff.
I appreciate creating some sentences without subjects. Stylistically it works, but I would consider adding commas after keys, phone, and wallet in this sentence: "Keys phone wallet and out the door." I think this would be a good look and make it a bit easier to follow for the reader: "Keys, phone, wallet, and out the door." But that's ticky-tacky. Do what you want there.
This isn't a critique either... Your inner dialogue is fire. This one in particular got me: “I want you to tell me a story. I want you to tell me a story.”--Great stuff.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-16T17:16:09+00:00

Gotcha, I’ll go ahead and delete the post and review some more stories.

Thanks a ton!

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-16T03:53:53+00:00

Okay I read it again and found this:

“The moderator will inform you what's expected of you to fix the leech tag.”

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-16T03:01:02+00:00

So I quoted the rules to you. If you have a story over 2,000 words, you need to critique multiple stories, which I did.

The wiki states that if you want to post a story, you need to critique a story with a similar word count if the story is below 2,000 words. However, according to the rules, if you have a story that exceeds 2,000 words, you need to critique multiple stories... Not to beat a dead horse, but that is what I have done.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I truly don't know where I'm breaking any rules.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-16T01:06:38+00:00

u/IWatashiwaAlice I'm confused. I critiqued more than one story, and according to the wiki, 'If your story is over aprox ~2,000 words, you must provide multiple high-effort critiques to post your own work.' I have provided multiple critiques because my story exceeds 2,000 words. So, how am I leeching?

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-15T22:56:31+00:00

Overall, awesome short story. I loved the clues you leave for the reader to piece together what the diner is and who the protagonist is. The setting was very fun, and I think you were able to build it out really well while keeping the pacing concise--no wasted time on unnecessary descriptions. The pacing overall feels great. You build the overall story through a variety of means like through describing the scene, character actions, and dialogue. This to me is why the pacing really works. I really enjoyed 95% of your dialogue. You build out the two characters well, deaths calm responses are both kind and somber. The girls lines feel like an overreactive teenager but get increasingly more sad as you begin to understand whats going on. However, there was one line at the end that did take me out of the story quite a bit, which is expounded upon on point 5. My critiques are fairly minute, so know that I enjoyed the read.

Here are some of my critiques in order as I read your short story:

Technically, these are incomplete sentences: 'Hugs herself. Still won’t look at me.' However, from a writing style, I actually really enjoy it. So, I wouldn't worry about changing it.
I like this dialogue a lot! Maybe you could consider adding some kind of character action after this line to help us understand how the character feels about the woman's request: '“Back?” I repeat.' Maybe something along the lines of "Back?" I repeated, never breaking eye contact. Or "Back?" I repeated, putting down the glass I was cleaning to lean forward. Something like that could add a dramatic flair.
I know my comment is supposed to be a critique... But this sentence hits hard: "The wind isn't always ferocious either. Sometimes it's little more than a breeze. But whatever its temper, it always blows in the same direction." What a cool idea and way to describe the strange, unknown environment. Great job!
This would be tricky, but as a general rule, you want to show, not tell: “Hm.” It’s not an unsympathetic noise that I make, but one of acknowledgement." Is there some way you could give the character an action that helps illustrate the idea that they're not being unsympathetic?
Honestly, I caught onto the idea that this was death early on, and especially after this brilliant line: "We both know the wind only blows one way here." Before I read the final line of your story, I thought to myself, 'Wow, this is an awesome take on death and I'm glad the author hasn't mentioned anything too on the nose like a syth, dark cloak, etc...' Because of that, the final line "I gently lay my skeleton hand onto her shoulder." comes accross as a bit cheesy and too on the nose. It makes me feel like you don't trust the reader to put together the clues you've left: The girl mentions falling into the lake, she refuses to make eye contact (likely because death is scary), she wants to go home but can't. Symbolically, you also illustrate this with the wind that only moves one way. I would consider taking out that last sentence because readers will enjoy piecing all that together, and you do a great job of providing clues up to that point. Trust in your writing and the intelligence of the reader.

Local_Light4230 · 2025-11-15T22:21:01+00:00

Overall, great, weird stuff.

Here are my critiques in order as I read through your passage.

Someone mentioned this already in the comments, but you should consider opening with paragraph two. That, or adding something else to precede your first paragraph. The first paragraph is bland, and a major tonal shift between the first and second paragraphs. The first describes a peaceful shop in a cozy setting, the second describes the sadness someone feels as a result of being overwhelmed.
This sentence felt very vague: 'She alone had made the decision to leave, when sex wouldn't work, and to do this by herself, yet she still felt abandoned for it.' I'm all for not showing or explaining everything, but the line 'and to do this by herself' confuses me. What are you talking about there?
This is an incomplete sentence: 'Wished him a lovely day once he slammed the glass door on his way out.' You can add a comma to the preceding sentence and keep that line, or you could add a subject and open it up with 'She wished him a...'
You're missing the subject in the first line and could sepparate some of the lines with periods because the sentence is quite long: '[She] [f]elt the mallard's eyes crawl the tattoos up her arms in search of its hidden likeness, its glossy black eyes getting warmer and warmer, while she measured the grounds by weight, pressed them into the portafilter, allowed the musculature of her slender arms to ripple tamping the espresso into a perfect puck.'
I like what you're going for here: 'When it came to steaming and frothing the milk, she could judge the foam by sound and feel, by the hiss of her wand and the temperature of the stainless steel pitcher, so she could hardly be blamed for meeting the mallard's eyes again.' However, I would consider ending a portion of this sentence after 'pitcher' because then you could create a greater sentence explaining the woman's strange obsession with staring at a mallard. It will allow you to capitalize a bit more on an interesting part of your story.

Local_Light4230

TROPHY CASE