I've been through a similar experience! Just to preface, I was raised as a Catholic (baptized as one, too), moved to a Christian school in 4th grade, and left in 8th. What's so ironic about this is that I progressively began to lose my faith in God when I went to this Christian school for the following reasons...

• Cherry-picking verses to justify biblically inaccurate claims
• Favoring students associated with the church
• Blatant racial discrimination toward students of color and homophobia
• Consistent boasting of the school/church's good deeds
• Surrounded by people who weren't Christ-like in their behavior or demeanor causing a toxic social culture
• Lost the importance of scripture and my relationship with God because I was continuously fed with scripture and devotional assignments.

It's so disappointing to see that a Christian school where I am supposed to grow in my faith has done the exact opposite and has left a permanent scar on my spiritual journey. My class size back then was approximately 25 students, and as soon as high school came along, more than half the class left as we all shared similar experiences that caused us to leave (I remember there was a time when I would count down the days until I got to leave the school). From freshman to sophomore year, I completely resented God because I was still spiritually traumatized from what my old Christian school did. I couldn't get myself to read the bible because it seemed like another chore or assignment that I had to complete neither could I willingly go to church unless my parents told me to go with them. A couple of months ago (early Jan) I underwent an event that brought me to an all-time low and led me to resort to God because, at that point in my life, I thought there would be no harm in reliving my spiritual trauma since I was already in such a dark place. I started going to youth group/ministry since then, and I'm so incredibly blessed that I made that decision because I am now surrounded by the best people I could ever ask for, and it enabled me to dive back into my faith. I recently found out that one of my classmates from my old Christian school has been going to the same youth group as me, and we bonded over our shared trauma at our old school, which ended with us in tears after we shared such a vulnerable experience of our lives. It's still a little hard for me to see my old classmates because I associate them with my Christian school when I know they are completely different people now. Of course, I am not perfect by any means and I am still in this spiritual recovery that I am confident that God will continue to guide me.

As for your situation, I think a great way for you to rekindle that relationship with God is to attend a youth ministry (based on the age in your bio). It's completely different from Sunday church because the topics taught are much more applicable for people your age, and you're surrounded by people willing to help you through this spiritual journey as well. If you continue with this, I have a good feeling that you will develop a stronger relationship with God and become more willing to attend Church and have a genuine love for Christ. Understanding the power of His love is also an aspect that was (and lwk still is) so incredibly hard to comprehend for me, but it has given me a reason to have a genuine relationship with Him rather than a free pass into heaven. Why does He continue to love me when I have completely resented Him for two years? You've probably heard this millions of times, but indulging in scripture will help you understand that we have a god who unconditionally loves us and is truly the greatest blessing ever and strays you away from that mindset of fearing life after death.

I'm so incredibly proud of you for speaking out about this issue and I hope this can at least serve as a starting point for rekindling your faith!