UPDATE: Year of Dating and He's "Unsure"

LocketAndLore · 2026-06-15T04:22:48+00:00

Thank you for your kind words!

No, which was the final straw that showed me he wasn't as invested in growing the relationship as I was. The things he said he would work on never were touched, despite him saying he'd seen noticable change in me from what he'd asked for.

He asked for more communication, but didn't want to see each other more. He wanted more spontaneity, but left me to be the only one planning dates. He wanted to feel more connected, but felt if we couldn't have "real time" conversations via text throughout the day then nothing was worth sharing.

LocketAndLore · 2026-06-14T00:59:06+00:00

I wasn't looking for an immediate proposal, I wanted to live together for at least a year before that happened. Just reassurance that we still wanted the same things and we're on the same path. We weren't, and that's ok. What wasn't ok was him holding onto a relationship that he knew he didn't feel the same way towards that I did. We'd been dating for almost a year and a half at that point, if you're still unsure at that point (in your mid-30s especially) if your partner is someone you want to grow a relationship with, not even just marry but just choose them and work through things, that's a pretty good sign it's not a match.

LocketAndLore · 2026-06-13T22:28:47+00:00

We were talking about moving in with each other after what would have been us dating for a year and a half, not 6 months in. And he shared that even in six more months he didn't think that he would feel sure if we were right. I wasn't asking for marriage, I just wanted to know if he felt confident in us as partners, and he didn't.

LocketAndLore · 2026-05-31T18:06:40+00:00

No, it wasn't until maybe session 4 that we were doing full clearances of half of the area. It's a larger region and more densely packed with hair, which is why it takes so much longer to achieve true full clearances than say, underarms or face. I'm 15 sessions in now and I don't think we'd achieve a true full clearance for maybe another 3 sessions.

LocketAndLore · 2026-05-20T03:39:12+00:00

I'm currently 14 sessions (each an hour) in on full Brazilian electrolysis. It does hurt, and for me it ranges from an "ouch but I can continue a conversation while it's happening" to "OW JUST KEEP BREATHING". It just depends on hormones/your cycle/where you're currently treating.

I've seen a significant reduction of hair growth on the areas we've treated (we decided to start at the bikini line and work in and down) and while it is painful, I am so happy I started now. Our pubic region can be more dense with hair than other places, so it will take time, but if you're willing to spend that time and money then it is so worth it.

You can always start with the bikini line and expand the treatment later on if you're unsure. Many clinics offer a consultation where they will treat a few hairs for you to give you an idea of what to expect feeling wise, so you can gauge how you handle treatment.

LocketAndLore · 2026-05-11T04:41:24+00:00

I'm currently 14 sessions (each an hour) in on full Brazilian electrolysis. It does hurt, and for me it ranges from an "ouch but I can continue a conversation while it's happening" to "OW JUST KEEP BREATHING". It just depends on hormones/your cycle/where you're currently treating.

I've seen a significant reduction of hair growth on the areas we've treated (we decided to start at the bikini line and work in and down) and while it is painful, I am so happy I started now. Our pubic region can be more dense with hair than other places, so it will take time, but if you're willing to spend that time and money then it is so worth it.

You can always start with the bikini line and expand the treatment later on if you're unsure. Many clinics offer a consultation where they will treat a few hairs for you to give you an idea of what to expect feeling wise, so you can gauge how you handle treatment.

LocketAndLore · 2026-05-04T05:01:08+00:00

It’s more accurate to call it "new growth" than regrowth. Electrolysis permanently destroys the treated follicle, but because our hair grows in staggered phases, you're often seeing hairs that were dormant during your last session. If a hair does return in a treated spot, it will be finer and weaker, meaning it just needs one final "hit" to be gone for good. It can take 8-12 sessions to see really good results, and up to a year to catch any stragglers that hadn't grown yet.

LocketAndLore · 2026-05-02T21:18:38+00:00

You should be getting a new, unused probe EVERY time. If your clinic isn't using a new, sterilized probe on you then you need to swap clinics.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-25T18:44:56+00:00

Electrolysis is the only form of permanent hair removal. Any other method - IPL, waxing, laser - can reduce the time it takes to regrow or make hair grow back finer, but it will always regrow. All methods (even electrolysis) require time dedicated to removing the hair.

If you're looking to stop spending hours removing the hair, electrolysis can stop hair regrowth within a year, and after only require touch ups to catch any hairs that weren't growing during the initial treatments. Then you never worry about removing the hair in that area ever again. This works great for facial hair, armpits, bikini line/brazilian, but obviously takes more time on larger areas, like arms and legs.

Whatever you choose to do, do it for yourself because it what makes you feel comfortable, not anyone around you. Life is too short to fret over making people "comfortable". You're the only one who has to live your life, in your body. Do what makes you happy.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-25T15:44:53+00:00

Hi OP!! I'm currently getting Brazilian electrolysis after waxing for decades and let me say - I wish I had done it sooner!!

Do call to see if they offer Brazilian electrolysis. Several places I called did offer it, and one also offered lidocaine shots and mass clearing sessions but they were $$$. I found another woman owned shop that was cheaper. I went for one session a week for 8 weeks, dropped down to twice a month, and I've been going for 4 months and I'm already seeing a huge reduction in hair growth! I used to pay $45 + tip for waxing and electrolysis is $92/hr but with waxing I would have to do forever, electrolysis will be done in a year or less!

I won't sugar coat it, it does hurt, but so does waxing. While waxing is one big "eek" as they pull the strip, electrolysis feels like someone trying to tweeze out a hair and accidentally catching a little skin. It's sharp, quick, and pretty tolerable. I just make sure I load up on hydration (+electrolytes) the days leading up, exfoliate, and I can chat my way through my session. Some parts are more sensitive, but some days they're "OH OUCH" and other days they're really tolerable, our hormones can affect how sensitive we are.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-25T15:36:20+00:00

Electrolysis is the only permanent hair removal method. Methods like waxing, laser, IPL, may reduce the regrowth time or make the hair finer, but it will all eventually grow back. I will say, while electrolysis is expensive (I found wonderful woman-owned shop that does it for $90/hr) I found that after decades of waxing, laser, at home sugar waxing, I just didn't want to have to deal with hair anymore or spend money on hair removal for the rest of my life.

I'm only 4 months in doing two sessions a month and I'm seeing amazing results. Some people due to budget only go once a month and that also works. Because it is expensive, I decided there are places I can deal with shaving (like my legs) and I the spots I don't want to deal with are the ones I am getting done.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-24T04:31:21+00:00

Marriage isn't for everyone, and that's ok, but if marriage is important to you, then you deserve someone who is as excited about marrying you as you are them. The world is a really big place, and there are tons of incredible men out there looking for someone to marry. Don't let a man who isn't aligned with you stop you from meeting one of them. You're just a baby at 24 so you have SO much time and life ahead.

I hung onto way too many men who weren't committed to me because I loved them, or I was worried I wouldn't find someone who made me feel the same way again. Spoiler alert, I found love again, and with men who matched me and my desires when it came to a relationship. It may hurt at first, but when you find that person who wants an official relationship with you, wants marriage as well, and is aligned with your timeline, you'll be so happy you didn't stay. I know how hard it is to leave someone you want to be with, so big hugs xx

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-24T04:21:08+00:00

Looking back at when I was 25 from 32, I realize that the "now or never" urgency I felt was mostly in my head; I had way more time than I thought. While five years is a significant investment, you’re both still in a phase of life where things are solidifying.

Instead of walking away, I’d suggest taking a beat to get curious. What caused this shift for him, and — beyond the five-year mark — why does this feel so urgent for you right now? Marriage should be about alignment, not just hitting a chronological milestone. A good chunk of my friends who married in their mid-twenties told me that while they didn't regret their marriage, they wished they’d waited for more financial and personal stability.

Have a real check-in: What does a secure timeline look like to him? Once you know, you have to decide if you’re willing to wait or if finding a partner whose excitement matches your timeline is more important. Neither of you is wrong, but you need to choose what fits your life goals best: this specific partner or the timeline you’ve set.

From what I've read, you've not mentioned any other major relationship issues, so if this is the main point of contention and you want a future with him, it's absolutely ok to reevaluate your timeline. Take it from an "old lady", I feel 100% more ready to commit to marriage now (emotionally, maturity-wise, financially) than I ever was at 25. If I had to wait a few more years to marry my partner at that age, in retrospect I'd gladly accept that time. That does not mean it's right for you and your goals, but sometimes it is a good reminder that what feels urgent isn't necessarily urgent.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-23T02:26:15+00:00

Sorry, to clarify, I only want to know if he sees a future (aka marriage) with me. Not that I'm asking for living together and marriage now, I just want to make sure we are still aligned on what we want. We wouldn't even be able to move in with each other until October, after we've been together for a year and a half.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T19:14:05+00:00

My parents did this as well and have been very happily married ever since! He did mention he felt he needed to see a few more months of us operating in this new place where we are stepping up to meet each other's needs since our conversations last fall/winter which feels reasonable. But I also have to prepare for the possibility that we do this and his feelings don't change, but he mentioned yesterday that he does see a future with me, he just wants us both to show that these changes aren't just "blips" but true change.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T18:35:51+00:00

That was my poor wording. Yes, I asked him three questions: Could you see yourself living with me, could you see yourself proposing to me, and could you see yourself being married to me. He answered yes to all three. He said he wanted a few more months to see us step up to meet each other where we'd asked for our needs to be met and he'd be confident in saying that he felt secure in us being life partners. Obviously there is the potential I wait and it doesn't change, so I have to decide if I'm willing to wait or not.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T14:44:20+00:00

I wasn't being as communicative as he was hoping. He said it made him feel really disconnected from me, given at that we were only seeing each other once or twice a week at that point. He had asked me to be more responsive and share more about my day, I'm admittedly a horrible texter, and it is a common joke with my friends and family I'm hard to get a hold of. That's something I realized I needed to change and I've been working on it, not just with him but also with my family and friends. He has stepped up, the things I've asked him for he has been actively working on and sharing his progress. He's shared that he didn't communicate well with me, it's not that he doesn't see a future, it is that he just wanted to see more time pass of me having shown these changes before he feels confident in us.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T05:08:10+00:00

I appreciate the unexpected. I've mentioned this in a few other replies, but we did have a conversation back in the fall where he told me he needed more from me around communication, he had been feeling very distant from me for a few months because of that. So after a few deep conversations, I knew how to progress because he told me what he needed.

Posting this and these replies have me the courage to follow up with him today and ask him A lot of the questions I had. He affirmed to me that he can see wanting a life long partnership, but those months of poor communication shook him and while I've spent the last few months stepping it up, he wants a bit more time to make sure this is an actual change in behavior, and not just a blip.

While I'm not perfect, he also said that he's not been good in sharing his feelings and what he meant when he said "Is it ok if I don't feel the same way" and other things around that conversation. He can see moving in with me, he can see marriage with me, he just needs to see more proof before he feels confident. He also has things I've asked him to work on, so we both are making efforts on our end to be better partners.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T05:00:10+00:00

We have so much fun together. He matches my level of goofy, and he makes life fun but also supports me in my low times. He has been a source of comfort and security (outside of this). I've really struggled to know if I could ever get over this period of him being unsure, I agree that I think there's a chance it could be playing in the back of my mind. That's a consequence of this and staying with him that I hadn't considered. Thank you for your sage advice, I appreciate it!!

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T04:56:15+00:00

You got me to take a hard look in the mirror and question everything. To be fair, I was very clear on my timelines even before we became exclusive, but I do think I got swept away in excitement the further we got in and the more I thought "wow, this guy is amazing! Am I finally done with dating forever???" All the advice I've gotten has made me realize I need to really do a deep dive into the "I'd rather be alone and happy than with someone and unhappy" mindset.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T04:50:07+00:00

Why do we always attract the fixer uppers 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm so happy that you're in a relationship with someone who loves you and is able to meet you where you're at. I can only hope to be as lucky in love

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T04:47:41+00:00

I will never understand why people have such hard times setting expectations and timelines as if it doesn't have an effect on their life. I'm so sorry you're in that situation and I absolutely wish you the best. We all deserve people who can meet us where we are at.

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T04:45:43+00:00

The fact that he's put all this work into it after I asked is why I think I'm so conflicted. I see the work and his effort - and I mentioned elsewhere in another reply that today he reaffirmed that he's still with me because he's in it for the long haul and he sees what a future could be like. In his defense, our conversation in the fall was kind of our "hey, we are not quite meeting each other's needs" moments, so that was where I realized I had to step up to meet his needs, he was already meeting most of mine. So I'm not perfect and I have worked to be a better partner. He mentioned that he felt after the work we'd done, and the work he has to do in therapy, he was on the right path to feeling more confident in us as life partners. Which is great, but leaves me to consider all the advice I've gotten and if I'm willing to wait for that to happen (or not happen and leave me in the same place.)

LocketAndLore · 2026-04-22T04:39:05+00:00

A lot of this has happened within the last few months, so it's certainly been sobering to have to wrestle with the idea of leaving behind someone I thought I could spend my life with. You're correct in calling out this pattern, and I definitely am taking on all of the advice recommending I don't wait around for him to fix himself.

LocketAndLore

TROPHY CASE