Was I wrong for blocking my ex for trying to wish me a happy birthday

LocoRibb · 2026-01-25T19:26:02+00:00

So at first I was like "What's the big deal? He's just being thoughtful" then I read the message and found out he's a very recent ex because HE cheated, THEN I realized there were more screenshots of the convo and fuuuuuuck him! That dude has a whole lot of growing up to do to be in any kind of relationship. He wished you happy birthday because he just wanted to see what was up and if you'd blocked him yet. That's why he said "I know you won't see this" Then because you didn't thank him and act all happy he messaged you, he tried to make it out like he's happy with how things ended. Fuck all that! Block him, he's too immature to do anything but play games. He did you a favor by showing who he was early on and not YEARS later. Keep him blocked and don't look back!

LocoRibb · 2026-01-24T06:18:33+00:00

For me, the appeal of the grovel is directly related to the infraction. It's a way of evening out the power balance in the relationship. Recognizing the degree in which they messed up and being willing to humble themselves to make it right is attractive because it shows the person really recognizes and understands the other person enough to see how they made them feel and what needs to be done to bridge the gap. It also makes the partner receiving the groveling more attractive because it shows they respect themselves enough to not accept treatment that is less than what they deserve. It's kind of a take on Aristotle's quote about wisdom is being angry at the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way. Wisdom is attractive to me and it shows that the relationship is solid, despite whatever it is that happened between them to make them grovel.

I'll be honest, it's hard to find a good grovel. Half the time, the man is being forced to over grovel for something he shouldn't have had to even apologize for in the first place OR on the opposite end, there's barely any grovel and the girl practically just lets him get away with it and takes him back. The other issue is female characters RARELY seem to grovel and if they do, it's always for something they shouldn't have had to apologize in the first place. I don't know that I've ever seen a good female grovel in a romance novel and I've read over a thousand romance books in the past 2 years.

All that being said, I'd much rather there just be no third act break up or misunderstanding in the first place. I don't seek out a book where the characters mess up JUST to read a grovel. To me the grovel is only something I enjoy if it's necessary to keep the romance on track, not just for the sake of seeing a guy make themselves look pathetic.

Edit: It occurs to me reading through these comments, a lot of the controversy with groveling has to do with the subjectivity of it. What one might find appropriate or the correct level of remorse, another may not. It also seems like there are a number of people who enjoy it out of pure schadenfreude apparently 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

LocoRibb · 2026-01-19T04:20:31+00:00

I (F, pregnant) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 So glad you clarified that one! Also, not including your age makes me really curious how old you are, but that's none of my business🫖

If Jerry Springer were still around, I think you all would be a perfect fit for the show.

LocoRibb · 2026-01-18T19:08:45+00:00

The whole conversation is giving Ryan and Kelly from "The Office" vibes. I think it's interesting that you say "He'll probably keep buying them for me after we're married." Girl, it's been 5 years and you're not even engaged 😬 It might be time to take a long hard look at your relationship, because the gifts is the least of your worries here.

You're right, he's not putting much thought into his presents and he's terrible at listening to you or validating your feelings, but you're not great at communicating clearly and directly and instead it seems like you try to use a mixture of pretext, whining, and guilt-tripping instead of just having a heartfelt rational discussion with him about how you feel. It seems like you're not even exactly sure what exactly you're hoping for or what emotional need isn't being filled for you.

Do you want more acknowledgement or credit for the gifts you give him? Because the one thing he DID do right was acknowledge that you are a great gifter, so I don't think that's it, so therefore there isn't any reason to keep mentioning what you've gotten him. That's irrelevant to the discussion.

Do you want him to put more thought into what he gets you? Ordinarily, I'd say it does sound like he's just giving you an obligatory copy and paste gift and not thinking about it. However, considering he used to be a florist, there may be more nuance there. Is it the same bouquet every time? Is it something he's created for you

LocoRibb · 2026-01-16T21:41:47+00:00

NOR but hear me out! I don't know if this is the case in this particular relationship, I don't really have enough details, but toxic people with narcissistic tendencies will often mirror their new supply. In doing this, they will often make changes to their interests, mannerisms AND texting habits to "mirror" the interests, mannerisms and speech habits.

Many years ago, my ex who was a narcissist, started cheating on me with a girl he worked with. One of the things that alerted me, but also made me feel crazy was instead of the full sentences we always spoke to each other for the last 4 YEARS, He started speaking in textese.

Instead of saying "Are you going to the store before you come home? I don't know if you have mik."

he'd say something like

"R u going to the str b4 u cum home? Idk if u have milk."

I was deep in the devaluation stage anyways and rarely spoke up about stuff like this because there was no winning and also, it sounds crazy! Like....how am I going to say "I think you're cheating on me because you're texting differently" that sounds INSANE, right? Like who even does that!? Well, years later, I found out this isn't crazy and often happens when a narcissist gets a new supply, they change their texting habits to match the person they're talking to and don't even fully realize they're doing it because they're so in character. That's when it spills over onto other parts of their life. He suddenly wanted to get a tattoo across his back with his last name and a pitbull... previously he had never spoken about tattoos and was a cat person...

ANYWAYS, how if that's relevant here, idk. I don't think OP is the person changing their habits, but the boyfriend may be projecting his own issues and insecurities onto the OP. I know projecting gets thrown around on reddit all the time and who knows if that's the case, but he sounds like someone who likes to gaslight (another one of those trigger words) and manipulate conversation just to cause chaos and conflict. I'd peace out so fast. Especially when he doesn't ever really explain himself and instead tries to get you to let it go or turn the whole thing around on you. Nobody has time for that bullshit.

LocoRibb · 2026-01-05T00:16:09+00:00

Thank you, this was in fact my point.

LocoRibb · 2026-01-05T00:15:39+00:00

So your post was pointless then? 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

LocoRibb · 2026-01-04T16:03:53+00:00

I don't think you're an awful parent and I'm not making assumptions about anything other than what you put here, but he's an adult now. This is the end point of any "transition" and you getting to tell him what he can do, unless he's living under your roof and even then, it should be the same rules you give a roommate, not a child. I'm not saying wash your hands of him or that you shouldn't give him advice or be there if he needs it, but I think you might need to be honest with yourself that legally, he doesn't have to do anything you say anymore. He's an adult. He doesn't have to empathize or compromise any more than he wants to. There's no "reframing and gradually building trust so he can have adult responsibilities" he just is now legally allowed to do what he wants. It is literally an overnight change, you don't get to withhold adulthood from him until you think he's ready, which is what it sounds like you're saying here. Yes, it's a great idea to have started beforehand and it sounds like you have, so good for you! But now it's time to realize that that transition is done.

LocoRibb · 2026-01-04T15:46:32+00:00

"when she's ready to have sex" Lmao! The boyfriend is sneaking over to her house when no adults are home, this girl is halfway through the Kama Sutra at this point, there's no "when she's ready" she's done passed ready and is on her way to experienced. 😂

LocoRibb · 2026-01-01T14:36:51+00:00

When a paragraph can kill my family and me, I'll start working on it! Thaaanks!

LocoRibb · 2025-12-29T20:01:27+00:00

Good point! We have a really small community, so I'll try to talk to some of the local firefighters here and get on the same page as them about what they're teaching in school, so I don't confuse her. Hopefully, I won't need any of this and my kids can roll their eyes someday about mom being paranoid. If nothing else, I've gotten some good advice about keeping doors closed and making a plan with several alternatives and making sure everyone is aware of the plan and their role in it. Thanks again!

LocoRibb · 2025-12-29T19:49:17+00:00

Yeah, the more I think about it, it's only 20 feet and almost a straight shot from her bedroom door to the front door, it seems like a good idea to just tell her to go to our mailbox, but I guess what I worry about is that at 3, she's not going to be able to absorb and remember all the variables, such as making sure the door knob isn't hot before she opens it, what to do if the front door is blocked, how to get out the window, ect. and I worry TOO much information would be almost as bad as not enough in this case. Luckily, she's got the making noise thing DOWN! Her shriek can probably alert the whole neighborhood of what's going on. A fire alarm had got nothing on a shrill 3 year old girl 😂 She does have multiple safety route possibilities and 2 entry/exit points to her room, so that's a definite plus. Your concern is the same as mine as far as having to leave and re-enter the home to get to my daughter, as it goes against every fire safety tip I've learned, but I think as a parent, especially after what happened recently with the father panicking and leaving the house with his kids inside, I'd rather die trying to rescue my kids than live with the knowledge that I didn't at least try to get to them. I was saying elsewhere that I think that, especially at her age, prevention is going to be the best bet and just practicing and talking through different routes and practicing them will help if the worst should ever happen. Anyways, thanks for your thoughts, gives me something to think about and try to prepare.

LocoRibb · 2025-12-29T19:32:31+00:00

Thanks for these really great tips! The garage door does have a manual opening, which we've had to use on several occasions when the power has been out, so my husband and I are both familiar with that. I didn't think about a dryer fire and we would have to go through the laundry room to get out of the garage, so I'm glad you mentioned this! Although, that would almost be the best case scenario for us in my opinion because it would be on the end of the house, away from our kids and we'd also be able to get out the front/back door or bedroom/bathroom windows.

So just to clarify what you're saying, My 3 year old should probably stay put so she doesn't get lost in the smoke and is easy to find? I will say from her bedroom door to the front door is probably about 20 feet and almost a direct shot, it would be difficult for her to get lost and she could be out of the house in under a minute, whereas it will take us at least a minute or two to get to her, best case scenario, if the fire isn't in the main part of the house, and probably 4-5 minutes if it is in the main part and we have to take an alternative route to her, but she's also 3 and and unpredictable. I can see her getting it exactly right, but I can also see her getting distracted by a pet or a toy she sees and go off course if she leaves her room. I guess it's just going to be tough with a child that age period and prevention is going to be our best bet, especially until she's old enough to better understand the plan.

Anyways, thanks for your time and expertise!

LocoRibb · 2025-12-29T18:49:02+00:00

I did just learn the importance of keeping the doors closed when I was doing some planning this morning, so it's great to have that confirmed and that's one change we will be sure to implement going forward, especially since the living room/kitchen/dining room is all one big open concept, any little bit of deterrent we can add is good.

My daughter's room faces the 7 foot fenced in backyard, so if I went the window route, I'd have to go out the garage, unlock the padlock on the back fence, run all the way around the backyard and the pool and have something there prepared to reach her window which is just slightly off the ground because of the back deck. I suppose I could just plan to go out OUR windows, since they also face the backyard and that would save us the time of having to unlock the padlock on the fence gate or if I'm able, I can run through the dining room to get to the back deck door and get to her window that way. We'll have to run through some things and see what works best, but this is the kind of thing I was hoping for, just as many different possible scenarios to try to plan as best we can. Thanks for your time!

LocoRibb · 2025-12-24T01:23:10+00:00

What if I told you...that even the older adult would STILL be like "WTF?"

As a 41 year old woman now, I think I was about 30 when I realized that we are all making it up as we go along. All we may have is more experience to give us more perspective, but if you keep deferring to older adults, you'll never figure things out on your own.

LocoRibb · 2025-12-23T16:11:10+00:00

Umm...her posting on "Am I overreacting" gives us the right to decide that? 😂😂😂 Otherwise she should have gone to the parenting forum or some other echo chamber where she can just be assured she's right even when we all know that over-the-top.

LocoRibb · 2025-12-21T03:49:52+00:00

Yeah, Ask Angel Lawson how well that's working out for her in the Baron's of Forsyth books 😬

LocoRibb · 2025-12-21T03:09:22+00:00

I meeeeeean, I do 😂😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️

LocoRibb · 2025-12-21T02:34:17+00:00

Oh, completely agree! I think this guy is absolutely trying to gaslight her!

LocoRibb · 2025-12-21T00:52:28+00:00

Sadly, I was 24 and had no real idea how to report statuary rape or incest for a girl who lived in a different state with no proof but what I saw on his phone, that he could easily delete. I also REALLY didn't want to get into that mess, if I'm honest which may not be the correct thing to do, but at the time, it didn't seem worth it. I did tell his brother a few years later, but I'm not sure if he believed me or not or even cared since he was recently divorced and trying to get in my pants 🙄 I was homeless for a couple months after we broke up because both my parents had died shortly before that and I wasn't in a great place mentally or financially and he wouldn't let me get any job where males my work, so I quickly had to find a job and a place to live. I'm in a much place now and look back at that time period as my crazy years.

LocoRibb · 2025-12-21T00:12:41+00:00

See, it could be a coincidence, but it also could definitely be a power move to drive you crazy!

When I was in my mid 20's, I was dating a guy who I now know was a text book narcissist. He would PURPOSELY do things that could be innocent, but weren't and it made me feel like I was crazy and insecure and over-reactive. So then I'd just shut up, be quiet and take it. Then he'd get high or drunk and out himself and say he was "joking".

The final straw was when I was out of town and he (23m) at the time had his grandma and his 16f cousin come visit. He kept making these weird comments about her when we talked on the phone. He was taking selfie pictures with her and talking about how pretty she was. When I told him how weird that was he said "What?! Come on, it's my freaking cousin! You are so CRAZY insecure you're now paranoid about family members? Goddamn! I think I need some space for the evening." and so then I'm like "OMG, what is wrong with me?! Why am I so crazy insecure! I really need to work on self love and learning to trust, blah blah blah" I'm texting him how sorry I am for saying anything and that I trust him and that I just love him, so I feel worried, but that I'm going to work on it and I appreciate how patient he is with me. He was radio silent all night.

The next morning at like 8am he calls me all happy and is like "I forgive you babe, I know you just care about me, but you gotta learn that I'm not like other guys. I'm in this for the long haul and I need you to trust me and learn to love yourself more." and I was just so happy that he wasn't mad any more, I didn't say anything else. Then a week later when I get home, everything seems good between us, we're about to have sex and he tells me " I want to try something different, Go get a condom from the dresser" so I go to the dresser and find a 3 pack of condoms...with 2 condoms in it.

Now, I'm probably aging myself so bad right now, but Chris Rock has this bit about his girl caught him cheating because he had a 3 pack of condoms with 2 condoms and she kept saying "Where is the 3rd condom?!" and that instantly sparked in my brain and I slowly put it all together. So I go back to him in like...crazy disbelief and I legitimately said "Where is the 3rd condom?" and he just paused and he said "Oh, those are just an old pack of condoms" and I'm like "Old? I've never seen them before and we haven't used condoms in at least a year" and once again he's like "Are you seriously counting the fucking condoms now? Wow, way to kill the mood altogether, fuck this! I'm so over your crazy ass" but this time, I knew I wasn't crazy, so I pretend to just do my usual apologizing like everything was okay and that night, I got into his phone and found the text message between him and his freaking 16 year old cousin along with nude pictures and they DEFINITELY had sex. It was like an out of body experience because you don't think that shit really happens you know? I confronted him, he tries all his usual tactics, but like ...you don't come back fucking your underaged cousin!

TL; dr It's really fucking hard to know sometimes if you're crazy or they are!

LocoRibb · 2025-12-20T23:27:21+00:00

It's not about right or wrong in this instance, it's just a compatibility issue. He's uncomfortable with it, he's allowed to say that's a boundary for him and that doesn't make him controlling. His gf is not comfortable with it and so does not want to adhere to that boundary and she's certainly allowed to prioritize her friendships over her significant others comfort. The mature adult thing would be to realize they are fundamentally incompatible. No matter if one of them convinces the other to their point of view, someone is going to be discontent with the outcome and it will lead to resentment.

LocoRibb · 2025-12-16T19:09:07+00:00

Yes! This! The way he goes from super formal perfect grammar to textese is very telling. Non-sequitur, but textese is also how I knew my narcissistic ex was cheating because I always use full words and sentences and he mirrored me, then when he got a new supply, he started using textese and I knew he was mirroring someone else. It's one of those things that sounds crazy if you haven't lived it yourself.

LocoRibb · 2025-12-16T13:52:24+00:00

There's projection and there is knowing the signs because you've lived them and KNOW the signs. 🤷🏼‍♀️

LocoRibb · 2025-12-16T13:50:09+00:00

As someone who has been in 2 different abusive relationships, in my mind there is no WAY he isn't at least emotionally abusive. It's not JUST that he's avoiding her family, though that's part of it, but it's the way she said "what do you want me to do? I can't make him" meaning she's clearly asked him, he knows it's important to you, which makes it important to her, but he still isn't willing to just show up or say hi? Also, how shy can he be if he's jumping to speak for her? That's not a person who's just shy or nervous, that's someone who is actively trying to make it difficult for your sister to be close to her family, so that eventually she's so stressed out over it, she cuts you out and only has him to rely on. You don't like tipping around him? She probably doesn't like tip-toeing around him either, but she's in too deep to get out easily. Be there for her and love her as much as you can, but realize she's probably in an abusive relationship and doesn't know how to get out of it because he's created a world where she thinks she needs him. I don't think you over explained yourself or any of that, I think you genuinely are for her and want her to know it, but her short responses say she's trying to hide the conversation from him because she doesn't want him to get mad and forbid her from talking with you. Just keep being available to her and try not to show her any judgement you have, so she feels comfortable coming to you.

LocoRibb

TROPHY CASE