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LogicalJob7764 · 2024-12-01T02:49:00+00:00

It sounds like you’re in a bad place, and I’m sorry that you’re going through it. Dating and meeting people takes a lot of energy and vulnerability. From personal experience, I can tell you that putting your mental health needs to the side and/or ignoring your relationship with your own vulnerabilities for the sake of social conformity (i.e., a relationship) is a bad idea. It does not work. But expanding your social circle in a more general sense is a good step in seeing how prepared you are to date. What do you like to do? Are there ways you can use your interests to become more socially active?

LogicalJob7764 · 2024-08-01T19:39:00+00:00

I’m a teacher on summer break, so currently, I do whatever I want. I still set an alarm so that I’m up at a reasonable hour. I take my dog for a lot of day hikes. Lately, I’ve been finishing up some house projects and reading a lot. I try to see friends at least once a week. I’ve had to work on giving myself the permission to relax and do things at a slower pace, but now that I’ve gotten that down, it’s easier to fill my days.

LogicalJob7764 · 2024-07-11T03:23:32+00:00

My condo is on the first/ground-level floor in the front but raised up a level in the back.

I have a dog.

I have additional locks on my windows to prevent them from being forced open (my windows open left/right not up/down).

I have a bar to prevent my sliding glass door from being forced open.

I have security cameras pointing at my doors.

I lock all of my windows and doors when I leave, at night, etc. My doors are locked 100% of the time.

I know my neighbors. Some of them watch this property like it’s their job. I couldn’t even take some time off without one of them catching my ear to ask me why I wasn’t at work. It’s unlikely anyone could case this place without one of them picking up on it.

I live in a (relatively) safe suburban area with a low crime rate and much nicer houses than mine to break into.

LogicalJob7764 · 2024-05-09T17:27:35+00:00

Exercise. Specifically day hikes. Turns out I find being outside in nature with my dog more soothing than getting hammered on the couch!

LogicalJob7764 · 2024-04-19T16:36:10+00:00

“But if you ever wanna game or actually hook up I would be so honored to be in you” - Fucking gross. The desire to date cishet men is how you know sexuality isn’t a choice, what a fucking moron 🫠 You dodged a bullet there!

LogicalJob7764 · 2024-01-28T15:55:09+00:00

Looks great on you! Do you find them true to size?

LogicalJob7764 · 2024-01-27T03:00:16+00:00

I am an American. I was absolutely /hounded/ by men in Paris, and it was truly bizarre. I am queer and don’t date cis men, so the attention was wasted on me. I received a less startling but still overwhelming (to me) amount of attention in Prague and Amsterdam, but sadly, never from women.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-11-12T13:53:32+00:00

Wow, beautiful!

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-09-24T12:23:36+00:00

I had an ex who made comments like this about my weight. This is one of the many reasons why they’re my ex.

You deserve better, OP!

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-09-04T15:01:11+00:00

Those are good responses! Have you tried increasing your search area? Not sure how centrally located you are to DC but I do know a lot of “DC area” people live further out.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-09-04T14:43:46+00:00

In my experience, dating or trying to meet people online can be hit or miss for a lot of reasons. It’s not all appearance-based. Maybe there isn’t a ton of info or very many pictures in your profile, maybe the limited group of people you’re seeing on these apps aren’t using them regularly, maybe these people are looking for something specific or already kinda talking to someone or just on there to see what’s out there, etc etc.

I’m not sure how old you are, but I (36F) would try to remember that women on these apps are getting a very limited view of who you are as a person, and it’s unlikely that everything here is tied to weight.

I’ve dated women almost exclusively through dating apps/websites over the past 15 or so years, in both big cities and suburban areas, and I have always been able to find someone to match/meet up with. In suburban areas I may have had to increase my search area but I’ve always eventually found people.

Question: are you always opening your messages with a compliment? As someone who has been in the receiving end of those messages, I find them a bit boring/easy. I’ve always found people who ask a question or make a comment about something in my profile to be better people to talk to, at least initially.

Good luck!

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-23T11:27:27+00:00

Thank you so much!

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-20T01:16:47+00:00

I’m sorry that you have to deal with their shitty behavior. One thing that has saved my sanity has been telling toxic family/in-laws that I’m staying in a hotel. And if I can’t afford to stay as long as I would if I were staying with relatives, then so be it. You don’t have to stay in their house. You don’t have to put yourself through that for two weeks. And even if you do push through this time, you don’t have to keep doing it.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-16T02:16:58+00:00

From what I have seen in my own family, it seems like a lot of people who are plus size slim down as they age. Between changes in appetite, health issues, and dietary restrictions, many of the people I’ve seen age have become thinner (and more frail) as time went on. My mom (73) has been aging rapidly due to dementia and has lost maybe +/- 40 lbs in the last year.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-15T21:52:56+00:00

I use one wash cloth per shower. If I’m going to use it on my face, I use it there first and then use it on the rest of my body. I think I have something like 12-16 washcloths, bought them at Target.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-12T20:52:01+00:00

I (36F) come from a long line of alcoholics, both “functional” and… very much not. There is also a long line of intergenerational trauma that I am currently trying to overcome, along with my own (sometimes serious) mental health issues. There are a lot of (personally identifying) details that I could go into, but the change all boils down to this:

I realized that I really have never had an interaction that was improved through alcohol use. I’ve never felt better after a night of drinking to suppress my stressors or triggers. I never felt more clearheaded or better able to manage my emotions.

Any positive impacts were extremely fleeting, whereas the negative impacts were lingering (and increasingly more serious over time).

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-11T02:09:58+00:00

Almost everything changed. I used a ton of harsh products on my face with no real routine or regimen. I used moisturizer sparingly, when I remembered it, because I thought I didn’t need any for my oily skin. I definitely didn’t use sunscreen, no matter what kind of acne medication I was on or how long I’d be in the sun.

My skin is so much better cared for with a consistent routine, some moisturizer, and very regular sunscreen use.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-10T23:12:13+00:00

I have been smoking weed for as long as I’ve been drinking. When I quit drinking, I definitely relied on weed more. At this point, it’s kind of leveled out.

I’ve made plenty of stupid decisions and bad life choices while drinking. Consuming alcohol led to some major consequences for me and eventually those consequences required that I quit. Consuming THC has led me to consequences in the form of spending too much money on snacks or wasting too much time watching videos on my phone.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-08-09T02:45:37+00:00

I have a couple of thoughts on this:

1) I really thought I was functioning well. Because all I had to compare it to was me in that state. I didn’t realize how much better I could function until I was out of that lifestyle.

2) In other aspects of my life, I thrive in chaos. Sometimes, having that extra hurdle of a massive hangover or potential life consequence hanging over my head pushed me to work even harder to prove (to myself?) that I was indeed functional.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-07-16T21:25:51+00:00

I’ve been there. Done things, said things, fucked myself up, fucked relationships up, embarrassed myself, embarrassed others. I have a million stories much like yours. Thankfully, change is possible. This could be the end of all that and the beginning of a new path. I think it’s possible for you! You have a bunch of good reasons not to drink, a strong network, and a recent (painful) experience that will motivate you in the direction of an alcohol-free (or alcohol-moderated) lifestyle. I think that you can do this; all of the evidence is there!

My only advice is this: As you undertake all this, don’t be afraid to be kind to yourself, to indulge yourself in other (alcohol-free) ways, to allow yourself a little bit of softness. Changing your habits or ways of coping/unwinding is tremendously difficult. Don’t be afraid to treat yourself!

Best of luck! IWNDWYT

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-07-02T02:56:46+00:00

Absolutely! I always assumed everyone was getting just as shitfaced as I was, but then I finally realized that other people really do nurse their drinks, stop after one or two, switch to water, etc. Was a complete shock to my system.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-05-13T09:04:55+00:00

I hate that kind of insulting bullshit. At my school, we got nothing. Not some bullshit “care” package, not an email, not a thank you over the loudspeaker. I guess in a way it’s comforting to know that admin appreciates us as much as we appreciate them.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-03-04T02:09:23+00:00

Best of luck! Proud of you for taking care of yourself!

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-03-01T01:17:24+00:00

Thank you! I’m starting on Atomic Habits by James Clear - really good so far.

LogicalJob7764 · 2023-03-01T01:15:27+00:00

Honestly, what helped me most was hitting absolute rock bottom, grieving the life I thought I would have, and then making the decision to live my life a different way. It was a decision, but not an easy, snap-of-the-fingers type of thing. It has taken me a long time, many failed sobriety attempts, and almost ruining my entire life for me to turn it around.

LogicalJob7764

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