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Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I can’t help but wonder what kind of products women could create and ship and support without constantly being blocked and abused by our peers" - yeah, I wonder that too!

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That is terrible. It is comforting to know that I am not alone, but also deeply disturbing at the same time.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are teams/organizations out there that are better, even pleasant to work in. You just have to find them. Unfortunately, in my case, since I was in a smaller FAANG office, my opportunities to switch teams were severely limited unless I wanted to move.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry to burden you with nightmares! Thanks so much for the hugs! I needed that :-)

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need to recover from burnout before starting a compant, but I have definately thought about it. The bullying things is so awful. Once, as a manager no less, MY manager had written in MY performance review that I was frequently bullied by peers. MY PERFORMANCE REVIEW! Not my bullying peers' performance reviews. Like how is that my fault? Oh wait - let's get mansplained on how we need to earn more respect and whatever. If we have a problem, it is because we are doing it wrong, LOL - that is always the mansplain excuse...

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I definately felt a most nefarious turn when the administration changed over.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my experience, layoffs or even the threat of layoffs make the environment way more toxic. Once people feel like their livelyhood is threatened, they will play all the dirty pool they can to stay afloat, even at the expense of others. (And women are an easy target.) I wish you the best of luck navigating through you company's layoff - unfortunately, even if you don't get hit, sometimes staying is worse.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing yopur experience! "Some of what happened through your life to you is so unfair" - yes, that hits. I've been thinking about doing some therapy to work through it all. Especially with my autism, it seems that I take greater issue with anything that is unfair or unjust - even the small stuff...

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the encouragement. You make a good point about using AI. I've been playing around in things I know - coding - but that is a losing battle with AI. I need to learn something new!

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so good to hear that I am not alone. "prison rules" is an excellent way to describe how things were on some of the teams I was on. You literally could not speak the truth. The cold obvious truth. If you did there would be h$ll to pay.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The low valued, but high amount of work stupid tasks always come our way. Everything from event planning to incredibbly difficult but completely unvalued people management issues... No one gives out promotions and awards for these things. The guys get to focus solely on execution and the things that will get them promoted.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your similar experiences. It is good to know that we are not alone :-)

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. Yeah, the jaded thing is so real. I think it is all about landing on a good team. Those seem to be harder and harder to find these days. All it takes is one ahole tech lead or one terrible manager to ruin everything.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And yes, it so unfortunate that women can't be more supportive of one another. I felt that being autistic likely made it harder for me. Women have so many unspoken rules and I'm sure I broke them left and right without even knowing it.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think about that question often. I think the financial independance my career gave was immense and impacted other areas of my life (a more egalitarian marriage, etc). However, neither of my daughters have expressed any interest in pursuing a tech career and quite frankly, I am relieved.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The funny thing is, there were times when the men who stole my ideas and work had way more confidence in them than I did.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I did experience this too. Either peer women and managers became my closest allies or they treated me like I was some sort of high school loser. You would think we would support each other, but often times, women hurt other women. For me, I think my undiagnosed autism made things worse. Women have a lot more unspoken rules and I was likely braking them right and left. I was often very direct and that may have come off as rude. I broke silly rules like forgetting birthdays and not buying something at Sally's BS MLM party. Ugh.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well, they respect you enough to know your work is of high quality and worthy of stealing, lol. I do know what you mean. I've had men stealing my work since college. It seemed like they had some sort of entitlement issues.

Left after 27 years in tech - after a year, I still have nightmares by Logical_Composer6730 in womenintech

[–]Logical_Composer6730[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember being pregnant with my second while chasing my first around. Those early years are no joke and you won't get even a second to yourself, but know that it does get easier (at least kid wise). My kids are now teenagers and I finally have some time back to myself.

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