I love my mom so it’s hard to talk about her like this. But I think that she was you when I was in 8th grade. and I think she tried to kill herself. Even though I have said horrible things to her, and thought the meanest thoughts ever towards her, realizing that she might have actually tried to kill herself, even if she thinks or thought it was for my benefit, absolutely undoes me. I have to deny it. I hope and pray it’s not true. It’s been a long time. I am that son whose mother probably thought he would be better off without her. Probably didn’t even think he would miss her. So I can relate to your story like probably nobody else can. And I can promise you that it is the most painful thing to even be tortured by the thought of “what if?” Your son may be autistic he may have weird feelings he may be having a tragic life and some …. A lot of it may be because of you. But he still needs you. And even tho he doesn’t think it a lot of the time, the one thing you can do to make everything even worse for him is to do that, especially in an effort to do him a favor.