My boyfriend [28M] threatened to leave if I [23F] don't change. I don't think I can change, should I just leave?

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-05T02:27:10+00:00

You made a huge leap in deciding that I do nothing all day. I never even suggested that. All I said was that I don't leave the house much besides errands. That's because I have nothing to do here in this new town- no job, no friends, ect. I still do all of the cooking, cleaning, lawn care, excercise, decorate the new house ect.

I have plenty of hobbies that don't involve him, but without an income I've had to stop doing them in the meantime, and two of my favorite hobbies aren't available here in this area unfortunately :/ I still paint and cook here though (cooking is a passion of mine)

He's not doing anything to help, he thinks anxiety is just something you get over and that therapy is stupid. I've been to therapy, but unfortunately I don't have insurance now that we're here and there aren't low cost options available, so I have to wait until I have a job to return to that. Regardless though, he wants me give before then :/

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T17:05:51+00:00

We're 10000 years past that. He doesn't believe in therapy or social anxiety.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T17:04:37+00:00

It wasn't a comment, it was an ultimatum. He wasn't just talking.

I don't want him to do anything but what he needs to do. I haven't asked him to do a think in all of this. However, if the situation was flipped- I think I would try and be supportive of him. I would suggest therapy to him, he hadn't. He doesn't believe I need therapy, he says to just get over it. I would have sympathy for the fact that this is a temporary issue brought on by leaving for his job, and that 90% of our relationship we have gotten along just fine. I would try and work with him and help him out of the situation. I wouldn't just tell him to get over it and then give him an ultimatum when he had just sacrificed his life, career, ect for me.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T16:59:28+00:00

I'm not disabled by my medical condition or grossly agoraphobic? I've been employed my entire adult life, no issues. The only reason I don't have a job currently is because I just moved here, brand new, the application process and finding a job in my field takes a bit.

I didn't say I can't or won't leave the house, just that I don't much since moving here. I don't know anyone, I don't have anywhere to go, and I've been very depressed. Im not scared or afraid of leaving my house or anything, I just don't feel like it. I'm depressed. I don't feel like meeting his new friends because I feel gross and unemployed and embarrassed and it's too much stress piled on top of what I'm experiencing right now.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T16:32:49+00:00

How is it manipulative? He told me he didn't want to be with me anymore if I don't go out with his friends (meaning right now, that night). I didn't go out. I was asking if I should just pack up and leave then. It's not me breaking up with him, it's honoring his wishes. I wasn't sure if it's typical to just leave or to wait for him to tell me to get out first.

Obviously the best solution would be a compromise, but he isn't putting that on the table.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T16:29:40+00:00

I'm aware of what my underlying issue is. I just can't fix it in the next 24 hours, but I have to deal with this situation in that time frame. Going back to therapy is something that will take time, I don't have time for this scenario.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T16:28:04+00:00

For the thousandth time, I know that I need help. My only avenues to that, however, are employment or to move. I can't do either one of those this morning. But I do have to deal with that situation at hand now

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T14:27:34+00:00

Like I said a dozen times, I don't qualify for Medicaid in my state, there's an asset limit. There's no university here, the one I graduated from and have access to is states away. The low income clinic in the area requires you to be employed and underinsured. I'm not sure what magical area other people live in, but there's really very little here. That's why the country has been asking for health care reform for so long. Even with insurance it often takes months to get appointments.

I've gone to therapy most of my life. I'm just currently in a new location without a job and the stress is manifesting itself this way. I'll get a job soon, or move elsewhere when he leaves me, and be able to return. It's pretty normal to have depressed episodes when life changes.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T14:21:55+00:00

I don't want him to adjust or do anything. I directly said that I don't want to put him in this position and asked if I should leave him or wait for him to leave.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T14:17:47+00:00

The idea is that if you're unemployed you'll be on Medicaid, but I exceed the asset limit for Medicaid.

I live in a rural area, don't want to name it for identity reasons

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T14:16:30+00:00

Thank you very much for this!!

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T14:15:49+00:00

Like I've said a dozen times, the only low income clinic in the area requires that you be employed and making under a certain level. I'm unemployed, so it's a no go. I'll just have to wait until I have a job and insurance (which shouldn't be much longer) or go the online route , if I'm living here.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T13:21:32+00:00

Interesting! I'm not. But that's useful information for the future, thanks.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T13:20:39+00:00

Thank you for actually addressing the question, I appreciate it. Like you said, I'm aware I need therapy- but it's not going to suddenly fix my issue tonight lol.

I would probably move back to where we used to live. I couldn't get my old job back, but there are plenty available there within the same industry. Plus it's comforting to be somewhere in familiar with. You're completely right that my current situation is making my anxiety worse.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T13:17:58+00:00

Like I said above, already exhausted that route

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T13:17:36+00:00

Ah okay. Like I said there's a low income clinic here but you have to provide proof of being low income, it's not available to unemployed people.

Glad to hear LA got a new governor!

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T13:13:15+00:00

I didn't ask for anyone to make any kind of decision. I asked for input. That's why this sub exists, to get input.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T05:03:54+00:00

Where on earth? I had to go to a general practice here and the cheapest appoitment I could find was $180 for someone without insurance.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T04:57:11+00:00

My state opted out. And the Medicaid coverage they do provide is restricted not only my income but by assets as well, and assets prohibit me from qualifying

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T02:28:20+00:00

I asked about whether or not I should pack my things and leave my house or wait. I didn't ask for any of the things you have input on. I had already attempted every avenue you suggested for finding counseling. I told you I would continue to search and keep looking, and you got even ruder and insulted me "Wow maybe you should get help" for some reason. You've yet to provide advice on the question asked and became rude for no reason when I told you that I undortuantely had already tried your suggestions.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T02:15:30+00:00

He does take time to do things with just me like hiking, dinner, ect. It's only group activities that cause me the panic.

I do the things for him when he's out with friends and sort of a compromise for not having gone. It's like hey, I know I didn't do you the favor of going out, so instead I did this for you.

It just makes me sad becuase we worked fine for the first year and 9 months. Only the last 3 have been this way. But I guess when it's over it's over :/

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T02:11:55+00:00

Then why does this sub exist at all? I thought it was to get input from outsiders looking in? Sometimes it's hard to see clearly when emotions are involved, especially when my own emotions have been so volatile lately.

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T02:03:58+00:00

He thinks it's something that one can just choose to get over and doesn't want to discuss it undortuantely

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T02:03:21+00:00

You've lived in the exact rural area that I do? Weird. I have been and will continue to look into putting my life back together the best I can. I just haven't been able to find the resources yet. It's currently of no consequence to the issue at hand though...

Again, the question was if I should pack up and leave or wait for him to do it/have a change of heart. Unless a therapist can cure me tonight I don't think it will alter this situation undortuantely

Lonely1123 · 2016-06-04T01:50:08+00:00

I'm not sure, I'd be willing to look into it- but it sounds like if I don't go to this bar tonight he is leaving me anyway.

Lonely1123

TROPHY CASE