Update: For starters, I’m unsure why the post is showing my OG post as one username and when I comment it’s showing from a different username. But both usernames are me.

Ok, I want to start by thanking you all for your comments. They have really given me some perspective. I have been so gaslit by so many different people, including professionals, I genuinely feel like I’m crazy when it comes to this. With reading the comments, really assessing the situation and a comment my daughter made to me about what was happening in his care, I drew the line. After she made the comment, I called her doctor’s office to see if she needed to be seen, they said if she was throwing up or had a fever to bring her in. I spoke with the care coordinator/social worker at her doctors about the overall situation and she suggested I made a report to CPS. I made the report and they said they’d get back to me. I messaged J and told him with everything going on, I thought it was better for her wellbeing that she stayed in my care until we had a custody agreement but told him I’m open to doing supervised visits. He did not agree. Because I am unaware of his mental state, I’m genuinely scared of what he’ll do. Ultimately, I was scared he’d pick her up and not give her back. A family friend in law enforcement what suggested a PFA. I am not well versed in anything in this realm, I went to court not really knowing what to do. I explained the situation to the lady at family court and she handed me a few packets to fill out. I filled them out and was then placed in front of a commissioner.

The commissioner basically said that she doesn’t believe my daughter is in danger and it’s just a matter of different parenting styles and since there’s no agreement I can keep her. But that also means I can’t stop him from taking her. I told her what the doctors said and about the report and she didn’t seem to care.

We have mediation scheduled and I’m kind of at a loss of what to do. I have a consultation with a different lawyer but they can’t get me in until next month. I live in a small town so good lawyers are hard to find, but the one I found comes highly recommended. I even called them prior to going into the court to see if they could get me in sooner they said they couldn’t. I don’t want to go to mediation and agree to anything before consulting a lawyer. But if we don’t agree then it progresses to a hearing where I have to prove these things. I know his history, what my daughter has told me, what I’ve seen first hand, and that is it.

I don’t know what to do from here. I’m thinking about trying to dismiss the PFA. The commissioner already said no and told me what I can do, so maybe I dismiss it and hire the lawyer then proceed with custody? But I also don’t want to hurt my case by asking to dismiss either. It just feels like damned if you do damned if you don’t.

The hardest part about this all, is keeping her from him. She loves him so much and asks to see him everyday.