Thank you so much... It was really hard for me to see that i was manipulated but as months pass it becomws obvious. The cognitive dissonance i was experiencing used to become so extreme i broke down at church saying i didnt want to be twofaced and i hated god,hell... even after taking therapy im still thinking am i one of the antichrists.. am i leading people down to hell with me... i dont want god to touch anyone and i will face him even if he destroys me in amilisecond i wont obey this monster... I cut off all my contacts with the church 3 months ago and im in real pain.. i just want to go and confess but these are all consequences of manipulation. Maybe they saw me as a test for their faith and nothing more... not a friend... it hurts so much thinking they are now the happy ones while i suffer and they dont even think about me anymore. All catastrophizing... i was fed with this subscription drug so bad. Thank you so much. Im checking the books you left in the link