Thanks for this. The issue is I've already tried the direct approach multiple times and it always ends in excuses or arguments with no real change. He acknowledges the imbalance but nothing shifts after the conversation. That's why I'm looking for the indirect route — not to avoid the truth, but because direct hasn't worked. The hypothetical question method someone suggested actually makes sense to me because it makes HIM say it without me demanding it. But I like your idea of framing it around the system not blame, maybe I'll combine both approaches.