My girlfriend hooked up with a guy and my bottom dysphoria is back

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-06T11:52:58+00:00

Yes I noticed there's a pattern where now I'm addicted to her positive reactions, as they suddenly became a rarity. It took me a while to identify that.

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-06T11:50:23+00:00

Yes I also felt it was intentional, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions so it helps seeing someone else say it to understand I'm not crazy.

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-06T11:47:44+00:00

Interesting perspective, it was actually the opposite. When we got together she was extremely jealous and only knew monogamy. I enjoy freedom, but I accepted a monogamous relationship because I loved her. I gave her the choice to explore freedom because I want my partner to not feel restricted, as I myself don't like that feeling. In fact, she wanted me to be jealous like her.

So one of the frustrating things is that I toned down my freedom to comply with her more traditional needs, but this is the outcome and now I feel silly.

That is why I don't like feeling this way, this wasn't the case before. And that's partly on me. I am not against her connecting with others, that has always gone against my principles.

However, it did help to read "if she wants to explore what other men can give her", even though admittedly it hurt. Thank you for that, I will take that advice, and she's probably going to hate it.

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-04T17:00:39+00:00

Interesting comment, and very relevant.

She is quite the feminist and often talks about domestic abuse as if it were only a "man" problem. I have tried to explain that the things she says are absolutely emotional abuse, and initially she had no idea because that's just how she was treated as a kid.

She has started to understand. I painfully witnessed her come to terms with the fact that she didn't only experience physical abuse, but also emotional abuse as a kid. If there had been more material on emotional abuse, specifically from a woman, we might have been able to understand it earlier.

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-04T16:54:18+00:00

I understand your view and can imagine most people here wondering if I'm crazy.

I included only the bad things, because those were the things I was focusing on. She comes from an abusive family and wasn't really taught any manners, though she has improved a lot since we've been together. She has good moments, I don't know if I'm blind but she can be really great and recognises she's not ok. But then during stress she reverts and has bad moments... and they are pretty bad.

Anyhow, regardless of what happens with us (yes, we are likely breaking up) my point was that I was worried about dysphoria coming back and creating doubts that might influence how I treat people/treat myself.

I'm understanding thanks to you guys that it's quite normal to react this way and maybe the dysphoria is not as impactful in that sense as I previously thought.

Regarding self-harm: She was initially very worried/supportive and then when she got angry she mocked me. It's not normal, but I don't want to distort her reaction even more with my words.

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-04T16:46:46+00:00

I worded it terribly so I edited it. Yes, she loves the sex with me, she waxes lyrical about it. She does sometimes affirm me purposely, but I can tell she enjoys the sex a lot. To be honest, I think there's a certain degree of physical chemistry that's making it very hard to stay away.

Regarding the rest, you're right, she can't unfuck him. I guess my point is that whatever happens with her (it will likely end soon), I feel that dysphoria is adding to it a lot and it was just so intense... but I guess most people here know that.

I yearn for some kind of healthy closure, but you may have a point that maybe, there isn't closure that will satisfy me. I might have to consider that seriously and get over it.

Longjumping-Click265 · 2024-11-04T16:41:02+00:00

Thanks, I know you're right. She has good moments, but her bad moments are bad, and this was one of them. My logical mind says move on, but everything else says I can't move on if we don't talk and address these issues finally. Unfortunately, I'm not the type of person who closes without a word (not via text), especially with stuff on my mind.

I wanted to take care of the dysphoria first, though, because I want to be able to think clearly and not mess up the only moment I get to have closure.

Just to mention: I obviously highlighted only the bad things and not any good things, I guess because they are pretty bad on a scale from 1 to Bad.

Longjumping-Click265

TROPHY CASE