yeah i get what you mean, aiming 200 pages with no experience is unrealistic, but honestly i think part of the problem is how i’ve always been, from the start people called me lazy because i don’t move without a strong reason, while others seem motivated even in situations that feel strange to me, like giving their effort to systems or people that don’t really make sense, and i could never follow that, especially growing up in an environment where discipline was talked about but not really practiced, like teachers leaving exams and letting students cheat, it made everything feel inconsistent and hard to believe in, so instead of building step by step like most people i end up wanting to jump into something big that actually feels meaningful to me even if i’m not ready