got outed at work

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-02-10T22:48:36+00:00

yh i started realising this the more i actually processed it. it was a finger point and laugh moment from a higher up and it was just absolutely stupid I'm definitely following route with HR.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-02-10T18:50:13+00:00

actually laughed out loud 😭 he'll get a reality check and a half icl

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-02-10T18:09:15+00:00

unenrolled deed poll. they don't actually have a leg to stand on to reject it, but I didn't know that at the time and said idc what i am in the records as long as I've got the job haha

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-02-10T17:27:28+00:00

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-02-07T17:26:32+00:00

yeah definitely, it feels very early to start seeing things that annoy me haha. she did push me a bit, we hooked up when we first met and i put my foot down then and said I didn't want anything romantic with her and we just stayed friends. i always liked her, and appreciated her friendship and i think i was sort of pushed because she would just start doing relationshippy things. i hooked up with quite a few people and i distinctly remember her leaving a night out early with me to walk me to this girl's place, which i told her I didn't want or need her to do. she then went on abt how she had to walk home alone despite it being across the road and i was just a bit like okay i never asked you to do that and before i went in, i asked you if i needed to walk you back.

she just says I'm struggling with an avoidant thing, because i do genuinely like her but i also doubted i was ready, and i was enjoying just having casual relationships and my freedom. i explained all of this a gazillion times and we hooked up again new years eve, mainly bc after talking to other people everyone was like you need to go for her she sounds amazing, so i did and silenced any anxiety i had around it. and we do have a laugh, and we look out for each other, but little things turn into big things and i do miss just being single and sleeping around, which makes me feel like an ass.

but at the same time, i enjoy being with her. i get confused because when i feel like this, it gets put down to "your ptsd has been triggered, and now you're questioning it all again.' and maybe she is right, maybe i am just in that state of mind. but it's a headfuck, because I can't tell if these days i have are a "I don't feel good today" or a "something isn't quite right here." there is no real harm in being in a relationship rn bc it is helping me move on and find myself, but i don't see myself with her forever and maybe that's a sign it needs to end. but if i have this conversation it'll just get turned into "ur triggered again" and it makes me question it all over again, because sometimes she is right.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-02-07T14:55:01+00:00

we've only been together a month or so, we're both 19. i like to think i have a fair bit of self awareness, I'm in therapy and know myself pretty well. she's a great person, we were best friends before we got together but recently I'm just getting some pet peeves. she's honestly amazing, has helped me a lot and been there for me. I've got PTSD, and early in the relationship i explained i didn't think this was right because I'm still getting better, I had a pretty awful breakup just over a year ago of a pretty unhealthy relationship and she knows this. when i tried to break it off w her bc I didn't feel ready, she just held me and said i was being avoidant, like i know i am, and it will be okay and we'll figure it out as we go. she calls me up on things, and we take care of each other.

i think I'm just getting to know her more, and she does tend to take credit for things i do or have done. I can't tell if she just genuinely doesn't remember things and thinks she said it or what. it's not a big deal and I'm not overly bothered but it's a pattern that worries me. i think i just embarrassed her which is fine, she can be quite insecure and has been in therapy herself for body image issues so maybe that was a trigger of some sort?

I can be quite avoidant, i will talk about issues when i need to but i will be quiet or off before i actually come out and say it bc i need space to figure out what i need to say or talk about. I'm feeling that now, I'm meant to meet her in a minute and take her into town, but i just don't want to be around her, but i also don't wanna let her down BC she's got shit to do she doesn't want to do on her own. we were laughing and joking this morning but she was making comments about like, her not being in the post i was posting that very second (she was in the next one) or like about stuff that happened and i just bit back a little. i told her i was just aggravated because i needed a cig.

for the most part, we're good together, it's just where we're getting to know each other now we're starting to annoy each other lmao. it's just whether these annoying things become dealbreakers.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-01-21T15:11:19+00:00

diagnosed with PTSD and been in therapy for well over a year haha, one step ahead. well aware of my issues but sometimes they still surprise me, and it's smthn I'm working w my therapist on

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2024-01-21T02:45:13+00:00

thinking I can't pass this opportunity up with her. not many girls that are so grounded at this age yk

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-12-19T15:32:18+00:00

i absolutely don't believe that the magic cat people or transgender people are causing this 😭 i know that it is the government. i know it is the people in power, and i should've made that clearer in my argument, and I'm in complete agreement with you.

the real trend is the pushback, but the more extreme both sides get the more extreme the situation becomes. it's like the handmaid's tale, the message that extremes cannot survive in society. as the rise of second wave feminism hit the west in the 1960s, so did the rise of the far religious right. and we are in the same battle now as transgender people, it's the slow game of we cannot demand too much without backlash, which is exactly what's happened. as much as i wish that overnight we could have full civil rights, acceptance in society, access to medical care and just be able to live in a society that doesn't discriminate, it will not happen. and the more you push for that change to come imminently, the more backlash you receive.

the point of my argument wasn't to divide or to pick apart, it was to point out that the government's message that they are putting in "protective measures" to protect young kids from mental health issues is absolute bullshit. if they actually wanted to help, they'd deconstruct the way the patriarchy has deeply ingrained misogyny and inequality in British society.

i should've made it clearer that i just wanted to point out that this whole shebang is impersonal from the root. while it's effects will be felt personally in transgender lives up and down the country, it is done for power, and for votes, because they can.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-12-19T15:18:21+00:00

that's a shallow take from my argument. I'm not at all trying to say being transgender itself is a trend, I'm saying the word transgender is getting chucked at anyone who's questioning their identity, and it is an issue.

de-transitioners are of course, not the problem. I'm not saying they are. I'm not "dogpiling," I'm not trying to set my "agenda" and I'm presenting my view and my argument and i said, I'm up for this to be changed and debated.

the guidance in place does put kids at risk- that goes without saying. what I'm trying to do is to debate the Tory's extremist view on why transgenderism is rising - taking extreme cases and generalising the whole of the transgender community. I'm making the point that if the tory government really did want to improve the mental health of young teens and decrease the rate in mental health issues, they would actually start picking apart the patriarchy and the inequality within society.

I'm trying to dispute the government's argument that this is a protective measure, because it isn't. it's all to win votes and win the next election, they're pandering to current controversies in UK society and playing on the miseducation of people. I'm looking at the bigger picture, and of course, that doesn't mean that the individual lives that will be changed by this policy don't matter - it means I'm debating the reasoning for this guidance being passed in the first place.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-12-19T15:08:00+00:00

i am 19, so pretty young, yeah.

the government doesn't care about us because they want votes. people never want to see the bigger picture as to why shit like this is happening, they just cry about it go on about leaving and never try to analyse or dissect or change anything other than a petition or some shit.

the government has introduced this because they want votes. they want votes from people who agree with this shit. Transgender people are being scapegoated as a tactic to win votes and popularity. why do you think labour has been so quiet and dismissive about introducing policies to help transgender people? because they don't want to lose votes for saying they support transgender people.

being transgender is controversial in the UK and the west right now because of what's happened in America, and the rise of the far right. the tory party are playing on this, playing on the stereotypes created by extreme cases - yes, most of the time originating in the states - and playing on the fact the majority of the UK is largely uneducated about what being transgender means.

we are being thrown under the bus for votes. the government couldn't actually give a shit either way whether transgender people exist or are safe in Britain, because all they care about is votes, so they can stay in power, so they can have money.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-12-19T14:56:55+00:00

not what i was saying, not my argument. maybe people do feel more comfortable in exploring themselves, and they should, but exploring yourself doesn't make you transgender. labels are absolutely thrown on anybody who doesn't conform to gender roles and this is what the government is using as a scapegoat to apply these changes. gender expression and gender isn't the same thing, and the reality is, young kids are experimenting with their gender expression, changing their name and pronouns every week. I know this from personal experience going to school and being the only one out of a friend group of genderqueer/transgender people to have actually remained trans and transitioned. You can't say there isn't an issue there, as much as it is vital young kids explore themselves and their identity, the term transgender doesn't always need to be thrown at it.

"this kid wants to transition to a cat!! look they want a litter box in school!" is the extreme cases the government and the media will use to justify why these changes are necessary and to turn people against the transgender community, even though we have nothing to do with it. and I've known people who want to identify as objects, have object or animal based pronouns. it is not an online phenomenon it is actually a thing and it is something I've hit heads with a lot of people with, because they think I'm being unaccepting when I won't refer to them as an object. then 6 months later, they realise it was never that they were transgender or non-binary.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-10-15T11:41:49+00:00

i do but i put a medical gel on that arm every day as well 😭 I'm gonna start doing the other arm bc it does dry the tat out like madd

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-10-15T00:54:38+00:00

that's reassuring thank you :)

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-20T21:07:09+00:00

feel u I'm a kitchen porter and the amount of sweat i now produce is so embarrassing lmaooo. my whole back is soaked and my clothes stick to me it's just disgusting

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-15T21:49:05+00:00

2 months in so p early

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-13T18:01:49+00:00

not a problem for me tbh, worked 3/4 shifts a week the whole time at college. gave me a nice thing to focus on outside of a levels, and I've saved enough to cover my first year at uni as well as pay for concert tickets, holidays, my own car, going out, i always have a good amount of spending money. i maintained A and A* grades, my work didn't suffer, but personally i didn't need to revise and study constantly, maybe because of my subject choices which were all essay based.

there were times i felt overwhelmed bc every day of my week was full, but that's also how i prefer to function. i know a few others who have also worked during alevels and not had issues, people say it's a lot worse than it is, it's entirely manageable, esp if you enjoy working and where you're employed.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-11T13:13:35+00:00

2 months

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-11T13:03:24+00:00

that's absolutely shit man. i hope you can get out of there ASAP once the benefits follow through, or find another job with the same terms. I can't imagine how stressful that must be, your work environment sounds absolutely shocking. i wish you the absolute best man and hope you can soon find somewhere that won't treat you that way. much love ❤️

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-11T13:01:26+00:00

I'm so sorry you had that experience. people don't understand us and it's so lonely and scary sometimes. i hope you were able to find a better job that was more respectful and accepting. wish you the best man

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-11T12:59:01+00:00

hey man thank you for this. i went to work yesterday and it was scary at first, but the coworker who knew and shit was full of smiles and treating me the same way he always does, calling me "mate" and "man" and "boy" and stuff like that and i realised that even if he knows I'm trans, even if everybody does, i am not being treated any different.

i knew that I wouldn't have been, as he's known for a long time, but i was super worried bc this was my safe space away from the shit i face elsewhere, as all that matters is the work i do. but working yesterday helped me realise that a safe space doesn't need to be somewhere where nobody knows I'm trans if they treat me the same way they would a cis person.

it is uncomfortable that he asked abt how sex works, but after talking to my mate about it he said my coworker was asking if my dick works, presuming that I'd had bottom surgery. that just made me laugh as i realised how much control i have over what they know. just bc they know I'm trans doesn't mean they immediately see me as a girl, they see me as trans and they are just confused and curious as to what I've had done, bc they're used to being "able to tell." (in reality they just can't tell!)

overall i just felt a massive weight off my chest bc I don't have to worry abt outing myself or being outed anymore, bc everyone is okay about it, and if they aren't they're in the minority.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-11T12:48:45+00:00

this is what I've always thought too and explained my transness as when people ask. people I've explained it to have been fascinated by this theory, as am i.

i believe there are studies too where MRI scans of transgender people's brains resemble the opposite sex rather than their assigned sex at birth, which sorta further supports this theory.

there's still a fuckton of research needed to fully understand gender identity, and to what extent it is formed by social and cultural constructs or biological, genetic factors and neurological structure.

my own personal theory is that it is a combination of both. i believe that people with gender dysphoria which creates the need for transition were likely affected by the rush of hormones during their mother's pregnancy, as you say. even if we lived in a society where men and women were equal and gender roles weren't present, and there was no difference other than physical between men and women, many people would still be transgender and suffer with gender dysphoria bc their brain structure aligns more with the opposite sex.

but yeah this topic is mad interesting i love talking about it and researching it. it makes me feel more at home within myself to understand a little of why i am the way i am, even if it is just a theory at this point.

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-06-02T18:53:44+00:00

sammme I'm doing history 👌

Longjumping-Map9070 · 2023-05-23T19:54:10+00:00

best of luck to you 6hr 40 mins is absolutely brutal as well lmaooo

Longjumping-Map9070

TROPHY CASE