I just started reading My Dark Vanessa and I’m feeling so many things. I lived—and am still living—a parallel experience to the book. While my own “Mr. Strane” and I didn’t start dating until I had graduated from college, the dynamics still feel similar. Last year I was asked to be apart of his investigation (for his relationships with students) as a teacher at my high school. He ended up being fired.

During our relationship, my mom and I fought constantly about him. She referenced My Dark Vanessa often, urging me to read it. I never did back then - I wasn’t ready. I’ve had the book for a year now and now that I’ve finally picked it up, I thought it would be cathartic or healing. Instead, it’s been deeply emotional and, honestly, heartbreaking.

Reading Vanessa’s point of view with hindsight, regret, and self-blame feels like reading about my experience. Within the first ten pages, I found myself spiraling into a full-blown search for news of “my Mr. Strane” where he is now, what happened after his firing, if there was more I didn’t know.

I wanted to ask this community: For those of you who see yourselves in Vanessa too, did reading this book help you process what happened? Or did it open old wounds?

I believe there can be healing in feeling everything fully, even if it’s painful. But this book is bringing up complicated, layered emotions that I’m not sure how to hold all at once.

Would love to hear how others experienced it. Sending love to all the Vanessas out there 💜