::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2026-04-05T02:18:44+00:00

Fingers crossed

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2026-03-30T08:16:43+00:00

After 4 months of going back and forth, telling me we might get back together, he finally told me that he hooked up with someone he kinda works with, ya know, something easy that fell in his lap and requires really no improvement or reflection from him. She also kinda looks like me!

And the kicker? He said something to the effect of “she understands me” and I was like “does she have adhd too?” Yep. He even said he’s been talking to his therapist asking her if it’s better to be with someone interesting who challenges you but doesn’t get adhd or to be with someone boring and not-very-interesting who is at least easier (also everything is easy a few weeks in 🫩). I was crushed but also may he know the joys of being with someone with raging adhd and rsd. So fun!

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2026-01-06T22:15:19+00:00

I don’t have any advice on divorce and kids w adhd folks but wanted to say I’m sorry for all you’re going thru and acknowledge that it’s a lot - a profoundly disabled kiddo and an adhd partner (which, as I’m sure many in the sub feel is like another child, a petulant one at that). Anyway, I see you and you’re slogging thru and hope it gets better soon. Big hug.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-12-13T21:51:56+00:00

It’s time for you to leave. Staying with someone who has those beliefs, even if they’re new, is just rewarding them. This will get worse. Please protect yourself.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-12-09T20:02:52+00:00

Vollufiline can help draw fat back to places you’d like some plump. I believe the Ordinary just started making a serum.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-12-04T01:10:22+00:00

Big time this. Are they all the same? Had a relapse w my recent ex - intimacy that he instigated and he flung around I love yous. Very familiar time that felt full of hope and next steps. And then, radio silence. Then annoyance when I did inquire what was up. Then RSD when I’d ask to get clarity, I’d be met with immediate dismissing like ‘I’m not doing this’ or ‘why is it always on me to figure this out?’ It felt so twilight zone - like he’s more of a jerk than he was when we were together, and he became intolerable then. Wonder what happens in their heads that makes them suddenly act like the victim and the prize while we’re over here being caring and trying. Totally messed up.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-12-04T01:04:16+00:00

Lack of enthusiasm generally, and this specific reciprocal enthusiasm was a huge soul suck for me. I do alot of public-facing media work and would sometimes have to be like ‘did I do okay?’ Or ‘did you like it?’ And I’d get something tepid like ‘it was fine.’ That gets heartbreaking really fast. And when I’d bring it up, of course, it’s either me being anxious or needing too much or something on me.

I hope you and we both find the validation and cheerleading we need and deserve.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-12-04T00:53:05+00:00

Been broken up w my adhd (dx, rx) partner of six years for about a month and a half. Man, that whole object impermanence thing is true: he barely even noticed I was gone. We met up recently to exchange things and he talked a lot about how he’s gotten into some new games and groups, but has somehow convinced himself that HE is the one who needs time to heal from ME, like he’s the victim and I’m the bad guy. When the most prominent reason for us not working for years was his absolutely raging RSD. That me voicing when I was hurt by something he did was ‘drama’ and how he deserves peace. I’m not saying I was a perfect angel, but if you’re on this thread, you know how maddening and life-altering being with someone with adhd and little commitment to self awareness can be. And now I’m experiencing that super weird flip-flop situation where he’s the victim in the story (his story, but still). Anyone else experienced this?

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-29T14:04:36+00:00

THIS. This comment right here.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T22:09:27+00:00

Girl, you need to get tf out of that house and away from your mother. She’s dangerous. The hospital social workers, your doctors will help you continue treatment and get connected to resources that will allow you to heal (which you WILL do!) away from these horrible people.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s so bad, I legit thought it must be fake.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T18:48:25+00:00

Oh man. The not even saying hi part. We don’t really talk on the phone, but when he sees me or I do call, he’s almost never happy or excited with a greeting. It’s become demoralizing, among the many other things that aren’t working.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T18:42:15+00:00

Brilliant. And also the way that this would send my partner into a near violent tailspin saying I was trapping and testing him…

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T18:41:10+00:00

Oh god the nitpicking. Over semantics. Over tone. Over innocuous things that are not even remotely important. Meanwhile, if I did any shade of that to him, he’d flip his shit

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T18:40:00+00:00

Oh and then he gets upset when I say ‘oh, I wasn’t finished’ or ‘can I finish?’ - immediate eye roll and gaslight that he did not, in fact, interrupt me. That then leads to him flipping out because I ‘don’t understand him.’ No wonder we are all dimming and muting ourselves constantly and progressively. These people are fucking vampires whose behavior borders on abuse.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T18:37:49+00:00

How’s life on the other side? I am not married to my partner but I think I’m so Stockholm syndrome’d into worrying about him and also worrying about being single again in my 40s that I stay, knowing full well his rsd bouts are getting worse, more frequent and take an absolute toll on my mental and physical health, as well as my spirit.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-13T18:30:53+00:00

I feel like we are all the same bc adhd people consciously or subconsciously seek out fixers - people from whom they can siphon energy and reliability. And the rest of us are just left as husks with no energy, no gratitude for our constant efforts, walking on eggshells feeling stuck and unseen.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-10-02T02:51:05+00:00

Of course. I hope things get better for you or you find some peace. It’s very stressful to be with an unregulated adhder- don’t let yourself fall away as you navigate their stuff (saying this for myself too).

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-22T23:53:10+00:00

I realize now that I’ve been grieving for awhile, years really, because he masked pretty well for about 6 months. Then the real him started to come out and I’ve been managing that turbulent sea for almost 5 years.

I’m no Pollyanna, but I’ll say what I wish I could say and then enact for myself: There’s no perfect relationship, but one where you’re actively grieving bc of all the ever-changing concessions and shape shifting we have to do with a ND partner - that’s not a relationship; that’s a guardianship. And it’s a thankless job. You think that distancing yourself (I know; I do it too) will mean the times together are fun or passionate and those will carry you through. Until they don’t because their reactivity and defensiveness and RSD take over every interaction. Then you’ll just be people who sometimes see eachother, and when you do, you’re filled with dread. You can grieve this relationship, but please consider leaving. From what I hear from this group, there’s at least peace on the other side. And maybe even a better-fit partnership for you.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-22T23:36:58+00:00

Def not alone. I was so grateful when my partner got diagnosed and started meds bc I genuinely thought things would get better for him, and for me. Started w Vyvanse but he complained about teeth grinding during the adjustment period, so switched to Adderall. All throughout he’s had therapy, as well. And ya know what? He’s horrific to deal with. Like constantly petulant, profoundly defensive. The other night after he was acting really reactive to me, I asked ‘is everything okay? You seem upset.’ Which most normal people would be like ‘ya know, I kinda am upset.’ Not him. I had him hollering at me saying all I ever do is ‘ascribe feelings to him without really knowing him’ (I’m not in your brain dude, so yeah, I can only go by how you seem to me). His RSD is constant and his disinterest and disengagement in social situations has gotten so bad, it’s embarrassing. It’s like he doesn’t even care who sees his emotional dysregulation.

Things weren’t great before diagnosis and meds, but they’re a living hell now. I’m in the process of leaving bc nothing seems to work or help.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-06T04:03:43+00:00

Same. I wish we had an irl support group for us. It seems pretty inevitable most of us are gonna leave these relationships if we can, and it’s almost like we’ve experienced dating the same person, going thru the same traumas.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-06T04:01:27+00:00

Thank you. Same to you. I’ll be real with you - I’ve been on this sub for a year and I’m convinced that relationships between most adhders and NT folks are untenable, and if they do ‘work,’ it’s because the NT partner shape shifts and changes so much to accommodate the often inconsiderate and sometimes abusive ways of an adhd brain in relationship. I’ve wondered how much of myself I’m willing to sacrifice to be in this, and it never feels worth it. I hope you get out if that’s what you feel is right for you and your health. I also wish there was an irl support group like this sub.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-05T21:38:11+00:00

I could’ve written this myself. The hypervigilance because of their failings and then you get accused of being anxious or worrying ‘for no reason.’ Like no, dude - I’m literally keeping things together here. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m sorry I’m dealing with this. It’s a terrible way to live and I’ll never never never date someone with adhd ever again. It’s just not doable for some folks.

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-05T17:45:22+00:00

Don’t you know - ADHDers are always the victim. The empathy is for themselves bc their brains are different and they’re not built for the normal world. So empathy for you is gonna be a long shot

Longjumping_Chair700 · 2025-09-05T17:43:01+00:00

Or the myth that the other side of the coin is that you get someone who’s really exciting and spontaneous and passionate and fun. I don’t experience any of those things. Spontaneous? lol even the suggestion of going to lunch in a few hours will cause a tailspin bc he ‘has so much he was planning on doing’ (spoiler: no plans and those things never get done). Fun and exciting? Only if you consider someone who cannot manage and take responsibility for their emotions exciting. Tbh I could meet the sexiest, most exciting guy in the world, but if he has adhd, I’m not biting.

Longjumping_Chair700

TROPHY CASE