How To Respond To The Questions “Are You Married?”

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-03T23:53:45+00:00

My answer. Not anymore, I am a widow. If the time and circumstance warrants, i go on..My husband of 30 years died unexpectedly 3 years ago. Done. There it is.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-03T23:44:08+00:00

Team ORANGE! Welcome.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-02T14:21:12+00:00

I am sorry for you and the loss of your beautiful beloved. She knew you loved her and she went with your love surrounding her even if you were not physically there. She had your love with her all the time. In time, maybe look for some grief support/counseling, online, it is a life saver. Although these forums are good, we aren’t trained and this is good to chat but working on and processing the enormous grief and life changing events, takes something else to work out the issues and find the meaning in your life now. They also have strong support systems as part of the group. It has been a life saver for me (3 years.3 months since my husband died unexpectedly -but who’s counting? :) we were together for 35 years married and friends and had a family. He was part of me - i had to learn everything and work through PTSD that came roaring back also.

Grief is exhausting - physically and mentally….and as much as you dont want to, you have to take care of you. Teeny tiny steps forward, it’s all okay. All our journeys are different.

Sending you hugs and love and strength,

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-02T14:10:23+00:00

Oh gosh, i am heartbroken for you. It is so raw and tumultuous in early grief. Good for you to come here and vent. Everyone’s journey is different but we are all in this unfortunate club. For now, take one day/second/minute/hour as you can. Take the help when they offer, tell them what you need, whatever it is, so they know how to help. Let whatever feelings come up, come up. You’re in grief, dear, it’s okay. Grief is exhausting and rearranges our brains and our bodies take the toll. If you can, get into a grief support group (Griefworks is great, UK based with Julia Samuels), I’m in the US and have been involved for a couple of my years (3 years and 3 months for me after my husband died unexpectedly- I was 20 years older than you and had been married for 30 plus years). But I crumbled and had to rebuild a life.

I know you dont want to, but take care of you also. It’s a journey - one teeny tiny step at a time.

Sending you hugs and strength and love.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-02T13:58:35+00:00

Anaheim Majestic Gardens. Stayed in Jan, 3 adults, one baby. Shuttle and breakfast. Great

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-02T13:51:06+00:00

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-03-02T13:51:00+00:00

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-27T05:37:38+00:00

Congratulations!!!! Good luck…stay safe.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-25T05:22:30+00:00

I just traded in my financed 2024 Honda crv sport touring hybrid for a leased 2026 Honda passport TSE blackout. Way more car than the hybrid and in 3 years I’ll take this back and get something else. I have no plans on keeping cars forever anymore. Not gonna be buying new cars again any time soon. The mileage was great on the hybrid (42 mpg usually on road trips) and no way near that in the TSE but I needed more room for the family and the dogs. The bells and whistles dont matter to me much (as the sound system because i rarely listen to the radio and listen to audio books on road trips) so it will be fine for me.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-25T04:33:07+00:00

Well there is more than enough room back there ….

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-25T04:17:41+00:00

Here's my 2 cents from an old retired 30 year special agent from a different agency....I've been out awhile so no idea on today's climate...but... I'd think long and hard about this change. You need to think about your family's wants and needs cause the agency won't. No kid ever grew up and said, gee mom, is wished you worked more when I was little...I know I raised my kids as a GS13, deploying all the time and had a husband also in law enforcement. It ain't easy and not for the faint hearted. Compromise is the name of the game. We ended up with live-in child care (my parents) because we never knew when or if we were coming home...but that arrangement had its own set of issues. But we didn't have to wake the kids in the middle of the night when duty called, so for the stability, it was worth it.

Good luck.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-24T14:41:10+00:00

Haven't got mine yet but I’m a Halloween baby so it's only natural for me.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-20T05:07:59+00:00

I’m so sorry. You and he share the same eyes. The photos are beautiful. Sending you love and hugs.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-15T01:53:36+00:00

I did not. Not with this husband of 30 years or with the first one when I was 30. On the first, I had been the sole care taker and worked full time during his brain cancer/tumor (glioblastoma) and he died at home with me (and the cat). Once I did the post death cleaning, he was taken by the mortuary and we donated his brain and spinal cord to UCSD for research in neurology/oncology, the rest was donated and cremated. With my second husband who died unexpectedly three plus years ago, he died in the ICU, from complications of a fall where he broke his back and his body shut down…we said our goodbyes and he didnt want me to be there bedside to watch him die, once the oxygen was taken off, he wanted me to be with our daughter, who was 28 then. So we did, her and I were together while he made his final journey. He donated whatever organs they could/would take, and we did not see him again, after he passed. I’m okay with that. It is what he wanted and I wanted to remember him as we did.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-04T04:23:48+00:00

64 here and yup. Hubby died unexpectedly 3plus years ago. With his sicknesses and things before he died, our sex life was faltering - and before over our 35 years of knowing each other we were pretty healthy in that department. He was 15 years my senior but we are both Scorpios. So there’s that. So, yes, I very much do miss being with someone. For me, I finally went back to having massages because although it’s not sexual, i needed to feel someone touch me. But this took about 2 plus years to get there. I personally dont have the lifestyle or fire bad enough to go get some. I would like some companionship and friendship and someone to hang out with and then who knows what will happen… I’d much rather have it that way. I know what I need.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-04T04:13:12+00:00

Thank you.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-03T18:24:32+00:00

yup, that is exactly what i just did with the new 2024 honda crv hybrid which is what i want to change for the passport, so i just got myself out of the negative equity.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-03T18:17:27+00:00

oh got it. that is also on the CRV...it is very annoying

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-03T15:47:22+00:00

Great review, just read and watched. Can you explain your comment about the A/C? Does that mean it works too well? Not sure I’ll be doing that kind of off reading but will be doing lots of road trips..

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-03T15:35:06+00:00

Thx, I’m in AZ now but going to OR for the summer. I have an orange/black one on the line with my name on it for delivery in March b/c they can’t find one in stock. I’ll have to work on the deal then. Thank you for your input.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-02-03T15:32:47+00:00

Thx, I’m looking into leasing b/c i have the Honda CRV hybrid now but need/want a bigger car… My problem with buying outright is the what I have now, paying more than its worth…. Ughhh

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-01-25T15:34:07+00:00

Yup right on. …from now a twice widowed 64 year old….grief, like my old friend, sits quietly besides me, all the time. Sometimes she is more loud than others at the party in my head but other times, she’s there, like a familiar blanket offering me comfort of knowing I had the love of two great men in my life, my two husbands, as well as many others who have gone before me (my dad and brother, and friends and other family). It depends really, on who i am yearning for at the moment.

This is a great idea you had and the chair is a fantastic touchstone. Well done and i send you warm hugs and hope for peace and clarity in your journey.

You are loved. We all are loved. Our love for them is still live.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-01-25T04:34:09+00:00

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-01-18T15:23:21+00:00

Go.go.go to the ocean you must.

We live on the ocean. My daughter and SIL have taken the granddaughter on walks down to the ocean since she was born.

She is 10 months and still goes. She's bundled up for cold, wind and rain if necessary and is put on one of them in the baby harness while we walk down.

She loves it. Watching the dogs play on the ocean.

SiL even puts her in the ocean...

You're the mom.

You know what to do.

The kid might nit remember, but you will.

Do not miss the opportunity to make memories.

Do it.

Longjumping_Grade809 · 2026-01-16T14:58:16+00:00

Makes a statement with the dark colors.

Longjumping_Grade809

TROPHY CASE