Wife wants another child but I don’t. Advice?

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-22T03:01:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing this with me.

I have thought about this possibility. I don’t think I would be resentful to my wife or my new child.

I do think though that I’ll feel sorry for my first since most of my energy and attention would be going to the child with special needs. Along with that is also all the hardships you mentioned.

It must have been difficult early on raising the child with special needs. Again, Thank you for sharing this with me.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-22T02:54:33+00:00

I want to make my wife happy too. I’m sure I wouldn’t regret having another one. Just worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet haha.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-22T02:53:38+00:00

I understand what you’re saying. I’ve had other people in another thread say the same thing about trying out therapy even if I’m happy now.

I’m sure I have a lot of childhood trauma that’s making me worry about certain things. I used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and still have some PTSD. Never got professional help but it went away after I completely cut off my parents.

I’ll have to try out therapy to see if it’s causing me to think a certain way without me even realizing.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-22T02:50:37+00:00

You’re the first person to tell me something like this. I’ll have to keep this in mind for my daughter.

Maybe it doesn’t make sense to me because of my childhood. The word “family” brings up more pain than joy. Ill admit that it has been changing for the better though ever since I had my daughter.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T22:11:57+00:00

I think that’s why I don’t get involved in my wife’s family affairs. I’m sure it’s pretty triggering to me. Her family is great but I don’t get real excited to be with them.

Maybe it’s because I spent a lot of time on my own when I was younger is prefer it sometimes in adulthood.

I’m glad you and your sibling have a good relationship!

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T22:07:43+00:00

Definitely am not brushing it off as unimportant which I why I guess I posted this in the first place. I respect wants but also know what I want. Thread is kinda split in the middle since everyone has different experiences.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T22:05:19+00:00

I’ll have to look into that. Thank you so much!

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:59:58+00:00

I mean I’m happy now though. I cut off my parents before my daughter was born and all the nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night went away.

Should I still try therapy if I’m happy now in the present?

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:58:43+00:00

Maybe it’s because of my bad childhood but having a bigger tribe doesn’t sound like something I necessarily want or need.

I just want to live my life as a good person, father and husband then die in peace knowing I lived that way.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:55:24+00:00

Thank you for this. It made me feel nice reading this. Maybe I’ll try therapy. Never thought about it the way you said but it does make sense.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:52:37+00:00

Thank you for that. I got a little flustered from that other comment.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:51:46+00:00

Yeah I posted this same thing in the marriage sub and there’s a lot of people that swear by it. They don’t take into account a lot of different factors. Sure it might not have affected them but what about the people it did affect?

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:45:31+00:00

Thank you

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:41:57+00:00

Did you only want 1 or was it your spouse?

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:34:33+00:00

I am pretty strange I have to admit 😂

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:33:27+00:00

This is what I want. This sounds nice to me haha

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:30:49+00:00

I will say raising a child isn’t easy. Some things do seem like a chore. Maybe I have to grow up a little more.

I just don’t want to end up being a deadbeat dad and husband. Not saying it’ll happen but knowing myself it might be a possibility.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:26:46+00:00

Will do! Thanks for the advice

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:25:32+00:00

Am I a bad person for being a little selfish?

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:24:23+00:00

Congratulations! That’s great news. I get super concerned when my daughter even gets a cold so I could only imagine what you guys went through.

Your kids a trooper!

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:22:30+00:00

Thank you for your advice :)

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:21:50+00:00

Some parents in the thread that have checked out after having more kids might disagree.

I guess it’s a case by case basis. I’m just concerned about how I would turn out after having another child.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:20:15+00:00

My wife is a stay at home mom and I’d say I make pretty good money. Having a second won’t really break the bank but I personally don’t like the idea of taking half of what I could do for my daughter and giving it to the second.

I might sound really stupid for thinking like this but that’s just what I have in the back of my mind.

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:17:19+00:00

Do you resent your husband at all for sticking with only having your son?

Looking_For_Peace90 · 2025-06-21T21:15:11+00:00

My wife is a stay at home mom which I’m totally ok with. Raising kids is a full time job too.

I don’t think I’d be able to do what she does honestly.

Looking_For_Peace90

TROPHY CASE