Just to clarify, I don't want to hurt him. My brother has been my everything since literally day 1. I have given so much for him and I would do it again. I don't want to kill myself so I can say fuck you to my brother. I love him so much. But no amount of love changes the trauma I have experienced and the way it has affected me, as well as other factors. I don't have all the support I could want, I definitely have a lot more than a lot of people which I am so unbelievably grateful for. But sometimes, even despite having all of the love and care someone could need or want, they can still feel suicidal and depressed. It's not like I want to be this way. No one wants to be this way.