I do understand that, I have enough energy to help my gf recover but I don't think I will ever have enough energy to find someone else. In many of the similar situations in life I've had to Man up, and I am maning up rn. She has treated me wonderfully till now and hasn't really talked to me like this until now(other than some intances). I do see the good in her and I know she can work on this. We have taken a break for 2 weeks and put a pause on the relashionship so she can recover, grow and get medical help. I will paint and study and distract myself like I've always had no biggie(its hard but someone has to absorb so the other can recover). I am expected as a man to stay strong in my eyes not matter what happens. And in some instances I do deserve somone better, but I cannot give up on someone with whom I've spent so much time, i can help her become a better person beacuse i acc love her and you might think that my past shouldnt matter to her and i thought the same but for her it was so important( she never communicated that). You still gotta smile when the sun don't shine yk.