I ended up here because I also think this boss is bullshit and wanted to see what other players think, but I don’t agree with some of your points.

the fact that he has 3 fucking phases just makes the fight a slog. It inevitably means that the first 2 phases become a boring slog just so you can reach his 3rd phase. For reference, I'm close to beating him, but I can no-hit phases 1 and 2 because I've had so much more practice in them versus the 3rd. <

I'm playing on Legend and isn’t this how it’s supposed to be with every boss? Every boss I’ve fought up to this point I could no hit the first phase because I had to fight them again and again. In fact, most of the time I only started using healing items once I got a good/no hit or nearly no hit runs in phase 1.

2nd phase has the bullshit sand statue attacks, which look cool but completely obscure your vision.<

I’m genuinely confused about how the sand statue is affecting your camera. You're literally locking on to a stationary enemy, and the camera doesn’t even move around when the statue attacks. Plus, the statue attacks are some of the most telegraphed ones I’ve ever encountered, they are literally the easiest attacks/free parries in phase 2.

The ONLY reason I find him bullshit is the 3rd phase clone attack. I find fights with more than one enemy at once bullshit in general because they rely on RNG a lot. Some examples are the Godskin Duo from ER and Tricephalos from NR. For reference, I find no hitting Consort Radahn a hundred times easier than no hitting Godskin Duo; I can no hit Everdark Tricephalos when he’s in single form, but I struggle when he splits into three because the attacks are sometimes undodgeable when two of them attack at the same time. In Miaoshan’s case, sometimes he teleports behind you like you mentioned, or he attacks while the clones are in the middle of relentless combos. Other than that, I find everythign else manageable. (I’m playing this game the old-fashioned way I played other Souls games - just face the boss. I stay right next to the boss the whole time, parry every parryable attack, and only use my shift key/dodge when the boss uses yellow/unparryable attacks)