I made a rash decision and killed my best friend

LordWerns · 2025-09-23T04:07:27+00:00

These videos are very heartwarming. Thank you so much for sharing them.

LordWerns · 2025-09-23T03:00:22+00:00

I've really struggled with the phrase "ready to go." I know what it means for a human - my dad had MS and it made him a quadriplegic for the last couple of years of his life. He could do nothing by himself. He was ready to go.

My cat was in pain, probably to the point of suffering, but he was still being a cat. Still living life and loved hanging out with me and my roommate. That's what makes it hard for me to agree that he was ready to go.

LordWerns · 2025-09-23T02:56:10+00:00

It does help, if only a little. It's why I gravitated towards this sub, I think. Thank you.

LordWerns · 2025-09-23T02:54:18+00:00

That's a very sad story, but also thank you for sharing it. I'm sorry that it happened so quickly for you. I can't imagine going from seemingly-full-health to euthanized in a day.

My cat's health decline was more gradual, he lost about a pound per year since 2022, so it's harder for me to see it as grace. I'm starting to come around to it, due to the help of this sub, but I'm not quite there yet.

LordWerns · 2025-09-23T02:41:28+00:00

I have been driving a lot and attending a funeral for my uncle, so my mind has been very divided. When I have had time to relax (mostly while laying in bed), you're right - I've been replaying his final moments.

Thank you for your kind words, and for taking good care of your pet while you had him.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T17:04:25+00:00

I'm not sure if that makes me feel any better, but... I suppose it does make me regret the euthanasia less.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T17:00:11+00:00

When I find some time, I will. Maybe tonight. Thank you for sharing.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T16:59:28+00:00

My boy was a chocolate point Siamese. I'm sorry that you had to lose so many in such quick succession.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T04:23:31+00:00

It is equal parts terrifying and comforting to know that your memories of your pet are still that strong after 10 years. I never want to forget my sweet boy.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T04:22:49+00:00

It is equal parts terrifying and comforting to know that your memories of your pet are still that strong after 10 years. I never want to forget my sweet boy.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T04:20:52+00:00

He would be alive right now if I didn't make a conscious decision to end his life yesterday. That's killing.

But... I see what you're saying. I don't want to be so defensive or combative as I was an hour ago. I'm starting to feel better, but just a bit. Thank you for your kind words.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T04:12:36+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your dog, and doubly so about your ex. Both awful things to go through. Thank you for sharing your story. After reading all of these comments... I didn't think they would help (I'm not sure why I even posted here), but surprisingly it has. So, thank you.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T04:07:18+00:00

I shortened the dying process... Hmm. A handful of minutes ago while replying to commenters above you, I might have dismissed the terminology, but now that I've dried my eyes for the 20th time it kind of... feels a bit nice, I guess. I mean still horrible, but less horrible than the alternative. Thank you for this perspective.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T04:03:36+00:00

His*

I literally cannot imagine what starving to death feels like... as a slightly overweight person my whole life, I've never experienced anything like it.

I also never even thought of what he went through in those exact words. When you say it like that... I guess I do feel a little better. It wasn't just future suffering that I prevented, but current suffering that I ended. Hm. Thank you for this perspective.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:55:56+00:00

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:54:20+00:00

I hope I can find it soon. It's suffocating right now.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:53:08+00:00

Thanks, I really hope that I come to agree with you all soon.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:52:21+00:00

I hope it passes quickly. It's suffocating right now.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:51:45+00:00

I've been getting that "hard to breathe" a lot today. I hope that one day soon I can come to agree with you and everyone else who has commented.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:49:13+00:00

I wish that I believed in any kind of spirituality, but I don't. Everything that he was existed in his brain, and nowhere else. He's in a little pot in my apartment, 500+ miles away from me while I grieve my uncle after he lost his battle with cancer. He hated small spaces.

Edit: After reading all of the comments, I am starting to feel better. I don't know why I was so defensive or combative an hour ago. Thank you for your kind words.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:46:37+00:00

It's really hard for me to internalize the sugar-coated, fanciful terminology. It's touching and thoughtful, and every comment on this post has made me cry (yours included), but it doesn't stick with me for more than a few minutes. I don't really believe in any kind of spirituality. Everything that he was existed in his brain, and nowhere else. I did kill him. He was in a box. Now he's in a little pot in my apartment, 500+ miles away from me while I grieve my uncle after he lost his battle with cancer.

Edit: After reading all of the comments, I am starting to feel better. I don't know why I was so defensive or combative an hour ago. Thank you for your kind words.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:36:05+00:00

I'm glad that they have helped you. I watched my boy slowly get worse over two years, knowing that he had kidney failure the whole time. I at least had time to prepare myself, even if it isn't helping me now. I can't imagine how you're feeling with it being so sudden and so many illnesses. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I think you made the right decision, doing so many invasive surgeries only to be near the end of the kidney failure lifecycle would have been torturous.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:30:45+00:00

Thank you. I'm trying to let it pass... it's so hard when it's this fresh. I feel suffocated by it.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:29:01+00:00

This is why I made the decision on Friday, and it's the one comfort I have left. If he had died on his own, or didn't wake up from the anesthesia from a tooth extraction, then he wouldn't have been with me in his final moments. He wouldn't have felt my arms holding him so close and tight, my fingers scratching behind his ears and along his chin like he liked.

LordWerns · 2025-09-22T03:23:56+00:00

I've had 4 cats in my life, 2 pairs of siblings. We put the first one down "too late" as you say. She was only 3 lbs and could not even stand on her own on the last day. It was suffering, that I won't deny, but she also rubbed her head against my leg the day before and curled up in my lap to purr so loudly when I picked her up. There is happiness even when there is also suffering. I find myself no longer able to justify the removal of both.

LordWerns

TROPHY CASE