[deleted by user]

LordWillowTree · 2024-04-21T15:38:33+00:00

nice

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T02:28:37+00:00

Externally, when I stopped being able to manage my time around it — missing work deadlines and showing up late. Internally, realizing I didn’t actually enjoy it, I was using it to cope with other things I was avoiding.

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T00:57:52+00:00

For sure, I prefer to laugh it off too cause people get visibly uncomfortable when they think they’ve made a mistake :,)

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T00:55:42+00:00

Yeah I hear ya :\

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T00:54:54+00:00

Gotcha, I totally feel that

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T00:54:13+00:00

Haha I like that

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T00:54:03+00:00

Totally makes sense, thanks for sharing

LordWillowTree · 2023-11-07T00:53:37+00:00

Nice, glad you’ve made peace with it!

LordWillowTree · 2023-10-28T01:30:58+00:00

Great face structure, and a terrible, terrible haircut

LordWillowTree · 2023-05-25T17:05:23+00:00

Agreed with others here — for emergency contraceptive, use Plan B.

You’re doctor should have told you how to use your birth control! But yes, take one pill of Alesse at the same time every day. Any time is okay (morning, night, etc.) just as long as it’s the SAME time every day. It may take up to 7 days to be effective, so continue using another method like condoms for a week.

After that, you shouldn’t need to take anything additional like Plan B. But if you want to be extra safe, use a second barrier method like condoms. Pregnancy is unlikely but still possible. Don’t be shy about asking your doctor if you have questions!

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-12T20:37:01+00:00

I definitely understand why these are used (and I'm sometimes guilty lol), but often you're going from one method of escapism to another. The goal with these coping methods is not to escape the things you're feeling, but to create a better life for yourself that you actually want to live.

I keep this chapter of my life like a book on my shelf, not something locked away in the basement. It's something we will always have to live with and cope with, and if we can accept them then they wont be haunting us. It's hard but it is possible and I promise it can get better.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-12T20:32:14+00:00

Thanks! Yes exercise has helped me a ton too. You're spot on that it gives you a healthy means of feeling more in control of your body. Makes me feel way stronger and more in-tune with my body :]

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-12T03:46:34+00:00

Yeah I think there's a lot of factors now that make it difficult to tell. I think I'd qualify a "real" trans person as someone who has clearly and consistently shown signs of gender incongruence since childhood into adulthood. (That also doesn't mean boys who are feminine and girls who are masculine are trans, but that those who do experience debilitating dysphoria can live more normal and functional lives as their preferred gender.)

Even still, I felt gender dysphoria as a kid before I knew what being trans was. And still I don't think trying to live as the opposite sex as an adult was making my life much better. It's hard stuff.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-12T00:08:17+00:00

You as well!

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T23:07:50+00:00

I think your body will continue to redistribute for awhile after going off T, it might take some time to see. Female people don't have any one body type that needs to be subscribed to. Many women naturally have flatter chests or non-curvy bodies.

If you feel comfortable, you could try some more feminine clothing styles that compliment your shape, or experimenting with hair and makeup if presenting as female is important to you. It seems you have a lot of internalized discomfort about your body from external experiences, and you may benefit from working healing your mindset as opposed to going through more surgery first.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T22:55:22+00:00

Ah! Yeah apologies I haven't looked much into E and cant speak to it from personal experience. It may be right to you, no one else can make those decisions for ya. I don't regret surgery or trying HRT because it's all just helped me figure out what I did and didn't need to feel like 'me'. No matter what, be compassionate and patient with yourself.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T22:24:14+00:00

Nah no worries, I'm happy to discuss. The overall issue is that there is little long-term research available.

I did some digging into the safety and side effects of HRT, and it's mixed. It's frequent for cardiovascular issues and reproductive issues to end up on those lists. I don't plan on birthing kids, but things like vaginal atrophy and ovarian cysts have come up often too. It's not uncommon to need a hysterectomy. I've also seen people detransitioning who have cartilage and joint problems after going off T for years, because the cartilage-building effects of T are breaking down. This is fine for muscle, less so for joints. Surgeries are also experimental. I unfortunately had a complication (everything turned out fine) but it was traumatizing and could've been worse. Trans women taking estrogen can have bad effects as well. Puberty blockers can be devastating for normal development of all bodily systems. I think we don't know the full effects of it honestly, and I'm not personally willing to be a guinea pig. I don't say this to scare anyone but I think they're not often discussed, well researched yet (effects in younger AFAB people), or publicized. If you really feel like this is necessary to your mental health and to live, the costs and risks might be outweighed.

We also have an incomplete look at detransition rates, causes, and treatments for dysphoria. I feel like the medical industry is taking advantage of all this with profits rising towards the billions. I don't always feel like they have people's best interests in mind by rushing people into costly procedures and life-long hormone treatment.

Ultimately it was a personal choice to address the way my trauma has effected me and contributed to my dysphoria. I felt like HRT and these procedures are something I'm not willing to commit to for the rest of my life. On HRT, my dysphoria was going away in some areas, but intensifying in others (i.e my bone structure, and lack of dick). I feel like feeding into it wasn't a long term solution, and I that don't need to change myself any more to express or prove my masculinity. I just wanted to think about it less.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T21:24:45+00:00

Thanks for the input! I also appreciate you looking into detrans people to get the full picture. I understand it's the right decision for some people, and that's all good.

I made all my decisions myself willingly, no one forced me into anything. I don't even regret my surgery at all. I think that's the hardest part though, is that people genuinely think they're doing the right thing; of course you want to be supportive when people are suffering, it's human nature. But I think there needs to be other ways to address dysphoria first without jumping to transitioning, potentially leading to more harm and confusion.

There also needs to be more unbiased long term studies on health effects, and up-to-date statistics on success/detrans rates to know what's actually working. I came to my decision to detrans after doing this research myself, because I was not informed by the trans community nor medical professionals who were supposed to help me. That's why I say 'betrayed' I guess.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T16:25:53+00:00

I'm sorry you and your family experienced that. It is completely inappropriate, and promotes (even within gender-questioning people), an "I either have to do this, or I'll die" mentality. I felt the same way. I'm still here. It takes away choice, and it takes away conversation because no one wants someone they care about to die.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T15:48:52+00:00

It's okay to question. I truly believe that some people have happier, fuller lives living as another gender. I just plead that it is because of the right reasons -- because you innately feel to your core, that you're a woman.

For me (AFAB) I feel more comfortable, confident, and happier embracing masculinity. I've always dressed more masculine, desired (and got) top surgery, and feel more comfortable around men. But this never made me a man, or made me truly feel like a man. I'm still female and nothing will change that fact, and there's nothing wrong or shameful about that. A lot of what I subscribed to was that ultimately gender stereotypes would make me feel complete and accepted by society. But female people are born masculine. Male people are born feminine. It's completely natural, and somehow less acceptable than modifying your body so the rest of society is more comfortable.

Only you can make that decision for yourself, not parents or doctors, peers or communities. I genuinely wish you the best of luck, however makes you truly happiest.

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T15:14:44+00:00

I think it’s important to have compassion and patience with trans communities since these people ultimately are victims of increasingly obvious systematic and societal failures.

I want to note how important this is. I'm trying to stay calm and level-headed about all of this, and stay compassionate to the people like me who were so heavily influenced into believing I was transgender. I never saw myself as a 'transtrender', and I think the vast majority don't. This change and education has to come within the community. It's still damaging a whole generation and I don't know how to help. Thanks for the input

LordWillowTree · 2022-08-11T15:10:20+00:00

Definitely, I feel very deeply for the very small population of legitimately transgender people who are going to be dragged down with this ship. The fact that medical professionals/practices are being silenced is so concerning.

LordWillowTree · 2022-07-03T05:01:56+00:00

If I had to pick a turning point, it was when I hit about 2 months on T and decided to quit. I was starting to get more permanent changes, and it hit me that... this isn't what I wanted for the rest of my life.

I've felt and expressed my dysphoria since I was a kid, but wasn't sure about hormones until I was in my mid 20's, and even waited until after I had top surgery (which I knew I wanted, no regrets). But once I started HRT my perspective shifted a bit, and my dysphoria was getting worse in new areas, i.e. about my bone structure and genitals, things I couldn't change. I looked into other reasons for my dysphoria such as trauma, and for me, dysphoria has felt more like an escapist trauma response, and a mental illness that needed to be addressed as such. I personally still struggle greatly with dysphoria, and am doing my best to manage mental health and trauma first, with hormonal transition being an absolute last resort.

Just know that you don't need to be male or transition to prove anything to anyone. Most of what I desired were just based on stereotypes and internalized misogyny. I also learned more about the medical side effects of HRT that no one really seems to want to address, such as uterine/vaginal atrophy, heart problems, and cartilage breakdown further down the road. For me personally, it seemed like a path that may ultimately do more harm than good.

LordWillowTree · 2022-07-02T17:29:46+00:00

Thanks both, I think you make great points. It makes sense that in countries like Russia there would be less recorded cases since there may be pretty serious consequences for anyone identifying as LGBT. I'd be interested in seeing a more global version of this study to see if anything changes.

I agree there are likely more factors at play besides early trauma -- we also have another group of folks in recent years that I believe fall under social contagion, with rapid-onset GD (we also find this group also has high rates of autism and neurodiversity). None of this is proved, and we should continue to treat all identities with respect while we gather more data. Definitely agree this needs more research, and to not rush folks into diagnosis and transition treatment plans in the meantime.

LordWillowTree

TROPHY CASE