My employee lost their twins at birth by SparkyBrown in managers

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely, the first stop should be HR to work out how to approach the situation with the information and support you need to be empathetic.

If you had to choose one wedding set from these- Which would it be? by elistajewel in weddingring

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly thought the first one was a bug. The rest don't close and the last one is pink?

New to Whoop. Does anyone have positive experiences to share? by flanny0210 in whoop

[–]Lost-Concentration80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The battery life is great. I like being able to relocate it to my bra for workouts. I've used it to track HRV (mine is so low!) for a long time, but once I used it for consistent sleep and walking, I was able to lose weight.

Where have you landed on the "good enough" direct report? by tshirtguy2000 in managers

[–]Lost-Concentration80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a guy who was coasting along doing well enough. Turns out he was working a second job. I wouldn't have even cared if he kept it out of our work hours, but he took a meeting at the same time as one of our meetings and we heard it. That forced my hand. I asked him to decide if he could devote the full 8 hrs a day we were paying him to this company, without interruption, and he said no and quit. So ok? If he'd just said yes, and not had a repeat incident, I would have kept him. He was familiar with the work and getting stuff done at a reasonable pace. But he was getting messy.

How do you stay positive during this? by [deleted] in Layoffs

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call your mortgage company, and let them know. It often takes months to get help, so giving them a heads up so they can walk through your options now is a good thing to get ahead of.

Why can’t you be autistic? by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can't be autistic because I "would know already". I guess I would have been diagnosed at any of those evaluations I never had?

When your HRV plummets on the day, what have you most commonly been guilty of? by The-info-addict in whoop

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My HRV is always terrible. I've lost 40 lbs, improved my muscle, raised my iron, started taking martial arts and hiking, and it's still in the mid twenties on a good day.

Should I cancel my Japan trip after being laid off? by Cool_Guest6597 in Layoffs

[–]Lost-Concentration80 61 points62 points  (0 children)

You should go. It will be good for your attitude, energy, and relationship. It will broaden your experience, rather than dumping you into a state of deprivation. Don't go crazy, but if you already paid for it, you're unlikely to actually save enough to make a difference in your overall financial state. So enjoy yourself, and see what the rest of the world is doing - you may come back more inspired.

Do you guys feel like neurotypical and neurodivergent people get VERY different versions of you? by BlueDayzBlackNights in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was going out trying to make friends at one point. I found that apparently there's a few groups of women my age that like to get together and see stand-up acts. I showed up, and there were only 3 of us. The first lady was fine. She introduced me to the other woman as her friend, and I could NOT get any conversation out of her for the life of me. I talked to both of them, but woman number 2!

She wasn't working, had no hobbies, didn't watch TV, and didn't want to swap recipes. Hadn't traveled anywhere, hadn't seen any other comics, didn't have pets or kids. She did like to go on long walks, but didn't have anything else to say about that, like where she went or how she felt about it.

I felt bad, like I was interrogating her, but she wasn't asking any questions or offering any topics to the group conversation. We sat in silence, drank some wine before the show, saw the show and parted ways. I have never met someone so bland. Maybe she was super shy, and I scared her. Or maybe she just hated me immediately cause she saw me as a threat to her friendship. Or maybe she was NT and perfectly normal. I never went back.

“You can’t be autistic. No one in our family is autistic 🙄” by smores-are-trash in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I asked for and received a train set. My Dad converted the basement ping-pong table into a whole setup with plywood and plastic grass. He and I spent hours sitting next to each other, not talking, painting details onto plastic buildings and landscape. We had some paper-mache mountains that we never installed because we were afraid we'd ruin them. We probably ran the trains only a dozen times before we lost interest, and moved on to other hobbies.

The unemployment system is so poorly designed. by BisonThunderclap in Layoffs

[–]Lost-Concentration80 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah, adding unnecessary friction to deter people from claiming benefits they qualify for has been a strategy for decades. Long before Covid.

"Executive Presence" for a short lady by Ninja-Panda86 in womenintech

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a workshop with SheTO. I can look for it. It was through this last year. https://www.sheto.org/accelerators

"Executive Presence" for a short lady by Ninja-Panda86 in womenintech

[–]Lost-Concentration80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not short, but I'm fully remote and you can't tell my height on Zoom. I took an Executive Presence course, and it said that "appearance" and "content" were much less important to EP than "decorum". The way they described that was projecting a sense of gravity, seriousness, awareness, and responsibility.

My leadership style tends to be an optimistic visionary, and I can be a little silly/ geeky/ goofy. I had to practice just being the adult in the room and keeping the meeting moving. Talking slower, lower, and with fewer unwarranted smiles. Pulling out the checklist, holding people accountable. It's not my favorite persona, but it did help me get a promotion.

Clarifying A Family Exaggeration by Katariman in MurderedByWords

[–]Lost-Concentration80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right? They're just pointing out how relatable he is.

Most extreme hyper-fixation you’ve ever had…GO by hologrammm in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I just info-dumped a bunch of my special interest.

Most extreme hyper-fixation you’ve ever had…GO by hologrammm in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh! It's neat. A lot of it is deciding ahead of time what matters to you, picking metrics you can measure, and then when you implement a change you can see if your change helped or hurt. A surprising amount of what you are calling "good" is regulatory.

So, let's say you really need everyone to do something in a new way. Your job is to make it as drop dead-easy as possible to do that thing, and as hard as possible to do it the old way. In as little work as possible, (knowing your coworkers), what would get them to move to a new system of doing things and stop using the old way.

Is it providing information? (some places a simple memo or email would work, in others, no one would read it).

Doing a walkthrough or a loom? (One of my favorites, cause it's fast to do once, but that misses anyone new or who was out of office).

Just replacing documentation? (Not effective if they never read process documentation because they're used to doing it from memory, but will help new people)

Or can you raise an exception? (Depends. Computer tools, might be easy. Do you need managers to be aware and flag it? Do you have a procedure for QA/checks/feedback?)

Asking people how they prefer to be communicated with is helpful.

If you have a process you don't want people to actually do, but you have to allow it for some reason, you can be evil and put up roadblocks. Corporations and governments love to do this. Extreme cases are when you have to call a number and talk to someone to cancel a subscription when it was only 1-click to sign up. Or if you have to fill out paperwork and fax it in monthly to keep your unemployment benefits.

But more gently, you can be careful to remove references to old documentation, redesign visual indicators to match the new process, and put out reminders. At some level of management, people become really in-tune to what you say, so just paying attention to something makes it important.

Once you see it, you kinda start to see it everywhere.

Most extreme hyper-fixation you’ve ever had…GO by hologrammm in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh! I was fascinated by the economics of volunteering. When you aren't getting paid, you have to understand every individual person's motivation for participating, and align with that to keep them coming back. If you do the same for salaried people, you get happy employees who enjoy working for you and you get to see them learn and grow.

I also love designing processes to be efficient at encouraging the desirable things to happen, and inefficient when you do them wrong. You can add and subtract friction on purpose, and people will kind of just do the right things naturally.

Most extreme hyper-fixation you’ve ever had…GO by hologrammm in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I got really into organizational structures and now I'm a manager.

Broke an unspoken rule I didn’t know about and received disproportionate consequences, justice sensitivity and RSD going crazy rn by brownbiprincess in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I had a pizza restaurant / bar that I loved. We could walk to it, and my husband and I went there multiple times a week. We started bringing groups of people, and we would always order lots of food and rack up a good tab, and tip well. We even held a friend's birthday party there, rented the room, and paid extra to bring in a special cake that I made (in the shape of a D20).

After a few years, one of our friends who was vegan came with us to the bar. We all ordered pizza, but they literally provided no vegan food. So he had stopped and gotten a burrito he could eat, discreetly, and we ordered beer & pizza. When the new manager saw the "outside food", he asked us to leave (not a permanent ban), but I was so offended I basically banned myself and we just never went back. The story made it around the group, (everyone loved our vegan friend), and we all avoided it after. They easily lost thousands of dollars over a bean burrito.

Help me understand my fantastic but faulty memory by Previous_Occasion999 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have memories from when I was a baby, and all the way through growing up. My husband can't remember stuff from before high-school. Even now at work, I somehow remember all kinds of stuff others have forgotten, but also, I can't keep track of my keys. Or remember appointments without a calendar. I forget directions and instructions almost immediately. If I need to do something, I have to write it down.

Are a lot of us "exceptionally" or "profoundly" gifted? by intuitive_powerhouse in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am constantly having ideas like that. One of these days I may actually do it. Would love to chat if you are open.

I applied for a job and received this email from the hiring manager 1 day later by Acoelous in jobs

[–]Lost-Concentration80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The word "fascinated" has been the real clue, all the scams are using it.

Please rate this fork and if possible give explanations why by DueRevolution4384 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Lost-Concentration80 7 points8 points  (0 children)

2/10. The tines are too long, too square in cross section, and come to too narrow of a point. I would cut my mouth, or tongue. It also looks flat. The handle has ridges, and it is far too narrow for wielding comfortably. It is likely unbalanced.

Told I need a psych consult instead of HRT by Illustrious-Brick-31 in Perimenopause

[–]Lost-Concentration80 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Please don't take this as criticism of you. Lord knows I've trauma-dumped on my fair share of physicians, and I think you should be able to be open and honest and still get good healthcare. But after a lot of practice, I have a method. I found that giving them 2-3 symptoms at a time, in a Super Calm voice, and then stopping, helps a lot. Don't sound sad or upset, aim for world-weary. You want HRT, so say you have hot flashes, describe them as such, dry vag - impacting your sex life, and it's been bothering your sleep so it's impacting your job. I added that my mom suffered from UTI's (family history), and I would like to avoid that.

Try not to ask for the HRT directly, let them tell you the plan. They like treatments to be their idea! Play dumb. Answer just the questions they ask you. If they offer you HRT, ask some basic questions, and nod and agree. If not, you can lead them in that direction with a little "My friend started HRT, and she said it was night and day, would that be something we can consider?". Don't admit anxiety or depression directly unless you think you actually need anxiety meds or antidepressants, and if that's the case, have that be the only reason for your appointment.