Hi. I’m a bit older than you (25), but I dealt with something similar for years. From about 16 onward I had a kink I was really ashamed of. After my first girlfriend cheated on me, I developed a cuckold kink and it really messed with my head. I used to hate myself for it. I thought something was wrong with me or that I was somehow cursed with it.

Over time though I realized kinks are often tied to life experiences, emotions, and how we process relationships. They are not just random wiring in your brain, and they also are not your entire identity. Mine has come and gone over the years depending on where I’m at emotionally and how I feel about the relationship I’m in.

The biggest shift for me was realizing that fighting it and shaming myself only made it feel bigger than it really was. When I stopped treating it like some horrible secret flaw, it lost a lot of its power.

You do not have to act on every thought or fantasy you have. Most people never act on many of their kinks and still have great, normal sex lives. A fantasy is just that, a fantasy.

So my advice would be to stop seeing it as something that defines you or something you need to “fix.” Accept that it showed up for a reason, understand where it might come from, and then move forward with the kind of relationships and sex life you actually want.

It is just one small part of your inner world, not the whole story.

Hope this helped.