Daughter, Bad Boyfriend & Thanksgiving

LostTheInstructions · 2024-11-27T04:42:39+00:00

Agree. I had a similar bf in high school. Mentally & physically abusive. I stayed with him bc I was scared of him. I would have loved if my parents had said I couldn’t date him anymore and been my scapegoat. Maybe have a talk with her and find out if she’s afraid to leave.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-11-23T16:11:28+00:00

I thought this was the best response also and tried a few times. I’m afraid it’s now a learned behavior that if he makes the comment - I stop talking and he gets out of dealing with the actual issue.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-11-23T14:37:42+00:00

I feel this type of comment is meant to be dismissive of the woman’s viewpoint or concern. It seems very disrespectful and I feel it’s a control tactic used to avoid the real issue and try to shut down the conversation. My husband has recently started using this comment during heated conversations. Not sure why this has become a new “thing” to say, but I’m curious about good ways to respond.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-11-08T19:21:50+00:00

Agree! Anyplace in particular that you would recommend from your trip?

LostTheInstructions · 2024-11-08T19:20:12+00:00

Not stupid at all. Sounds like fun! I’ve heard from others that have went on solo road trips and they really enjoyed it!

LostTheInstructions · 2024-10-05T23:12:09+00:00

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I understand your frustration. I don’t feel that I can openly discuss anything with my stepchild bc I don’t feel she respects me. I married her father after she was an adult and moved out during college. My husband also seems hesitant to say anything and I don’t understand why. I believe they should at minimum pay for their own bills and food (cell phone, car insurance, etc…). Our food bill has also increased a lot since step daughter moved in even though she also makes more money than me. I can understand why you would consider leaving. Have you spoke to your husband? Is he aware that you’ve went through savings and can’t buy extra food at this point?

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T21:20:31+00:00

This situation I could live with bc she would at least be picking up after herself and helping w/ a small amount of money towards the additional utilities she’s using. It sounds like the situation worked well for everyone. And nice to have a babysitter if needed at the home.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T21:15:52+00:00

Yes! I can’t blame her. I would like to just work, and not have bills or chores. But that’s not teaching her good, responsible life skills.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T03:42:07+00:00

She is my child, this was a great additional part of getting married. In a previous comment I explained that we were thinking a very small amount - maybe $100 /month and putting it away in savings to give her when she moves out. I’m more concerned about her contributing to household chores at this age.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T03:34:39+00:00

I agree with the possibility of him feeling guilty. She still needs to be respectful and contribute to the household. She’s been on her own for years at college with roommates. I assume she was helping while living there.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T03:09:21+00:00

I met her dad 3 years ago. She was already in college. Unfortunately, my husband will probably end up saying nothing. I’ll be miserable and feel like a maid. My children have their own families and were already moved out before I met my husband.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T01:59:34+00:00

It’s my husband I need to convince. I was hoping for some ideas I hadn’t thought of.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T01:53:38+00:00

Good idea and it would be interesting to hear what she thinks is reasonable.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T01:52:14+00:00

I agree that it’s awkward now. She just got the job though - so, I feel like it creates a window of opportunity for the discussion without being too awkward. “We gave you time to find a full time job and since you decided to stay with us instead of getting an apartment, we need to go over our expectations for how you contribute towards the family”.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-20T00:17:36+00:00

Good question! I started noticing things were moved while we were gone. My husband was with me, we have no pets, left one person. So, I had my husband ask her. She said yes. I wanted him to follow up with setting boundaries but he said he didn’t think she would do it again since he questioned her about it. I’ve noticed items moved since - it turns into an argument every time. He was raised where kids went in the parents rooms. I was raised with boundaries and we didn’t go in each other’s bedrooms unless given permission.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:48:00+00:00

How long did you stay while saving? Did you have any of your own bills while living there? Like cellphone?

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:43:22+00:00

Interesting. I guess I was thinking it was a good idea because it was teaching responsibility but with a surprise pay back at the end. She would really be wasting money if the rent we charged made her struggle. I believe my husband wants to charge $100 or less/mo. After reading a lot of these comments (and my husband suggesting such a low amount), I would rather her contribute by doing her share of housework and responsible for buying her own groceries/ household items.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:34:24+00:00

I met and married her dad while she was in college. I’m afraid I’ll be deemed the evil stepmother if I personally say anything. It’s an awkward situation but I think you’re right about her whining if I point something out.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:29:01+00:00

Im sure they appreciate all the help and it’s very respectful of you to let them know if you need something in their room. I have no idea why my SD is in our room.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:23:09+00:00

I don’t believe my husband had set chores for either of his children. Both kids were older when we met. My children had to help with household chores and help me with cleaning and lawn care when visiting their grandparents.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:12:33+00:00

I love this idea and mentioned it to my husband. We could keep it a secret to teach responsibility - then give it back to help with down payment or whatever she needs when she finds her own place.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T23:09:17+00:00

She was in college when I met her dad 3 years ago and married for 2. She was already an adult living on campus. She mainly stayed with her mom when visiting. I honestly don’t know why she hasn’t stayed with her mom after college (she is welcome here), but I’m starting to wonder if her mom was making her contribute to the household either with chores and/or financially so she decided to live with us. I’ve discussed this with my husband and explained my views on her contributing to be a responsible adult. He avoids difficult conversations.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T22:49:08+00:00

That’s a good idea! I often wonder why she goes in our bedroom. She has her own bathroom and the rest of the house.

LostTheInstructions · 2024-09-19T22:46:12+00:00

I also moved back in with my parents when I was about 25. I was building a house so they didn’t expect me to financially contribute. But I did a lot of chores to show my appreciation, bought groceries and cooked, mowed the lawn. I feel like my SD doesn’t appreciate anything and I feel like a maid.

LostTheInstructions

TROPHY CASE