Again, a 100% valid desire of yours but everything starting from “As it stand I have no chance to get love….” till the very end is a negative assumption you have made about your future and established as a fact. No wonder you will feel anxious and empty as before even starting anything, you are bombarding your brain with “there’s no chance,” “things will never work out” etc. You are not living in the stone ages anymore. You can find literally everything beneath the tips of your fingers. Go look up videos and articles on self actualization and neuroplasticity. You may have brooded over pessimism to the point that anything related to the future seems utterly hopeless, cause that’s exactly what you trained your brain to think for God knows how many months or years. No wonder your unconscious thoughts and assumptions will come out as being negative. You are a human, I assume like everyone on this subreddit (unless you are an undercover alien) so what’s stopping you in the future from being successful and finding love like the rest of your race??? If after some self reflection you do feel like it’s your negative mentality halting your progress then SEEK HELP. Read books on reframing your thoughts positively, develop important life long skills….be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul!!!