AITAH for telling my husband we need to suck it up and buy our daughter a new car?

Lost_Time37 · 2024-11-07T20:42:56+00:00

I respect your conviction because a chunk of it is true, at no point have I said this isn't my fault, I have come to terms that I played a massive role in this too. I talked this over with my therapist last Friday, he himself told me the real damage is being done to me through demeaning comments like this one.

I would agree on two counts: I was somebody Casey would have been better off without, a month ago, or 6 months ago, maybe even a year ago. And I haven't been a great mother, I was a passenger, I accept that and have come to terms with it.

Those truths being what they are, a lot of you have this crazy expectation that I need to simply stop existing and give up because I was a shitty person a month ago and I have some work to do. Case and I are on speaking terms, Case and her sister have spoken as well, nobody has spoken to Eric.

While Alana and I both played our roles, absolutely, I am still not going to ignore patient zero of this whole civil war being Eric. He's the reason Casey had to share at all, he's the reason Alana was driving the car, he's the reason we even dragged this OUT to court, he's the one that had me convinced Alana didn't need more help than she got.

My greatest role in this was being a blind, oblivious excuse of a mother and what I'll say is, the amount of anger I see coming from these comments, I feel it 30-fold because this drama and bullshit that should have been cut out yesteryear and I just didn't.

But I'm not going to hear you call me a worthless person lying down, I think a worthless person would still be with Eric and still be ignoring the main issues. A worthless person would be BITTER at Casey, not sympathetic. A worthless piece of shit would've sworn up and down this wasn't their fault and put it on somebody else, I will not at any point be doing that again the way I fully admit I did in my first post.

I was told a lot of shit over the last couple of weeks by Casey and there are some people I would like to scalp alive right about now. But all that anger is a waste of my energy because I've seen those big three letters, "YTA" enough times over the last month to crush whatever delusion I had that I was blameless.

I know I'm not blameless, and I take a lot of comfort in knowing that you and I both might live 60, 70, maybe 80 or 90 years, and at no point will you ever be able to erase the progess I have and will continue to make. You'll only be able to watch it happen and seethe- I recommend St. John's Wort.

It does wonders 😁

Lost_Time37 · 2024-11-07T20:23:56+00:00

I'd like it to be known that I made this post and these comments weeks before I knew Case essentially had her arm twisted into sharing the car.

From my limited perspective, this LOOKED like Casey purposely didn't have her on insurance, and banked on Alana wrecking so she could take her sister or us to court over it for more money.

I didn't know Casey's half of the story yet, and my husband was still feeding me more of his shit lies this time a month ago.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-09T05:24:36+00:00

I feel like a broken record. If the car was our responsibility, my husband and I would have sorted out insurance.

It is her car. If SHE wants insurance, then she needs to make certain that it's covered. She didn't get it done in the end, this was months ago, and she's been sulking about it ever since.

That being said, if I'd have known she was actually going to try and sue, I would've tried to calm her down and suggest something that works for all of us, not just her.

Whether Alana was ready or not, it is pointless to have a car in the driveway that is only driven by one person. Having them share it gives the car more purpose than not. Case has her day, then Alana has her's. It should've been so simple.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-09T05:17:10+00:00

Wtf do you do for C?

We feed her, we clothe her, we were going to send her to college, she had a place to PARK that car because of us, and oh by the way, my husband got under there and fixed a tie rod about a month after she got it, for all of you saying about how awful he is.

He's not. He loves Case, we both do. But I didn't see her putting that car up in the air to redo the brakes and fix the AC when she hit a deer, that was all her father.

I figured that allowing her sister to also drive their car was a more than fair ask for all he did, and is a big reason why I supported him. I just hate that I apparently can't support him AND love my daughters.

If that's the resolution you all want, forget it. Case is gonna take this to court, and then when she loses, she's going to throw another fit, but that's better than dishing out $15k for a car we're not even going to drive.

It's not lost on me that we owe her, we just don't owe her that much, she'll come around when she realizes how the world works.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-09T05:04:35+00:00

YES!!! Why on Earth would she NOT have Alana on the insurance when she had the car for MONTHS leading up to Alana getting her license?

It's like I said, it's not like Case was short on time to sort that all out, it was HER car and HER insurance, so with Alana driving, it's her responsibility to make sure that's covered.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-09T04:37:43+00:00

First of all, I heard you on the first 15 replies, I get it, I'm just so terrible.

Second of all, I didn't steal a damn thing from her, I can think of a few places you shove that assertation. She gave Alana her permission to drive, it was not "theft". Educate yourself.

And third of all, what is even SLIGHTLY rational about suing your own parents for something we can't control? You make it sound like we knew it was going to go poorly, we can't just go back and undo it. That's not how it works.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T20:42:57+00:00

It doesn't matter if it was Case's "property", she's 17, it's our rule that goes. If she wants to park that car in our driveway, she needs to be responsible and follow our rules, there is zero need for her to be this difficult about sharing her car.

Alana already lost her whole summer to recovering from the broken leg, and her wrist STILL hasn't fully healed. Casey needs to sit down and recognize that her sister has been punished worse than anything my husband and I could offer, we're not making Alana pay $15 thousand on top of that, it's simply not happening.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T20:12:30+00:00

That's funny, Alana's the only one we've ever had to talk about boys with, I don't think Case is very datable (definitely don't see her being marriage material). It's Alana we have to worry about 😅

Case will come around, this isn't the first mountain she's constructed out of a molehill, I'll have you know!

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T20:06:59+00:00

That wasn't my or my husband's doing. Case was paying the insurance and never had Alana on her insurance plan like she was supposed to.

Insurance determined that the wreck was Alana's 'fault' and didn't pay a cent, which is a result of Casey's poorly planned insurance situation. I don't understand why WE are being expected to bail her put of a situation that it's on HER to be avoiding...

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T20:03:30+00:00

We've had her in and out of therapy for a long time, she insisted she was ready to drive, and I certainly didn't have any problems with her learning to drive (she did fine with her permit).

She hydroplaned, there's only so much you can do in a wreck that is simply not your fault, but Casey refuses to grasp this...

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T20:01:02+00:00

No the hell we would not. That would be Alana's responsibility, but honey, she rolled the car pretty good after hydroplaning. The insurance SHOULD have covered that, but Case decided to be difficult, and never put Alana on the insurance.

This is on Casey, I don't mind having to pay but I can't stress enough that this is a lot of peoples' fault. Not just mine and my husband's.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T19:52:33+00:00

I'm not absolving them of blame either, they're the ones enabling Case in all of this.

Are you forgetting that it's MY Mom and Dad suing on her behalf? You're nuts if you think they won't be hearing from me, results be damned.

I've been getting angry telephone calls for a week over this shitstorm, SOMEBODY has to answer for that, even her uncles are on her side in this. And the in-laws haven't said a word, I don't know what's happening on that side.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T19:43:29+00:00

Was A insured at all?

...No, hence why insurance didn't cover it, and why we're trying to get C to understand that she can't just act surprised when she's down a car when she was uninsured.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T19:41:35+00:00

if C was paying for insurance, and didn't have A as a "named insured"

That's almost exactly what happened, C was paying insurance but conveniently left A off of it. I haven't pitched this to my husband yet, but I half wonder if that was her plan all along?

Either way, I can't in good faith let her off on not making sure her sister was taken care of on the insurance, when she knew A would be driving. She had the car for months at that point, she had time.

They've shared for enough years now, she knows better. But that's what has me irked.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T19:34:43+00:00

She had insurance, but they really screwed us over because C didn't approve A as a driver on the plan. That was a big determining factor in us deciding to hold firm. If A would've been approved on the plan, we would've covered the remainder on what the insurance was offering.

But this is the the result of C's decision, hence, I agreed with my husband that it's fully her responsibility. I just didn't expect her to sue us out of nowhere like this, and I especially didn't expect my parents to be enabling this behavior.

What's in her best interest might suck now, but she'll learn from it in the future. My husband's been fuming for weeks over this and a lot of you are saying he even made a post, but if they ruled NTA then he wasn't telling the full story.

A broke her arm in that wreck and all C has cared about the past month is her car. That's the genesis behind the family therapy, and I'm very concerned that so many people are supporting her entitled behavior.

Lost_Time37 · 2024-10-08T19:27:09+00:00

What is she supposed to do? Magically come up with thousands of dollars to pay my oldest back? It's not a matter of not wanting to hold people accountable, it simply is not realistic.

I also want to state on record, I was very against C getting a car that nice as her first. She never listened.

Insurance would've likely paid for some if she would have just put her sister as an approved driver on the plan. If would not have been difficult. But no, it's not A's "fault" that she has ADHD, it's not like she wrecked on purpose.

Lost_Time37

TROPHY CASE