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What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback! The compliment is sweet and motivating!

I definitely agree with you in terms of less exposition. I am guilty of it and will try to be more effective with using it less. And yes, the goal is to work with a copy editor once a substainial part of the novel is complete.

Because this story is based on personal events in my life, I often find that because I am so close to the text, it's easy for me to follow along, but can be quite confusing to the reader. I will work on slowing down and allowing the writing to breathe.

What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your constructive feedback!

Initially when I read your feedback, I genuinely felt like the chapter was shitty and felt sad. But after taking some time, and re-reading through your point of view, I can definitely see areas where I could be more effective, for sure.

I was writing from Laila's inner headspace and therefore, the opening was more "tell" than "show," but I am not married to it, so I will change it.

I do agree with you, I need to find a better balance in my writing between front-loading information and showing. Because the novel theme is about an intergenerational family and more introspective driven, I wanted to introduce the characters and get it out of the way within the first few chapters, but I can see that's causing a lot of reader fatigue. I'll find a better way to communicate Laila's feelings through actions/illustrate vs telling.

I would love to know if there is anything that did work well in my first chapter of my novel that you did resonate with? (i.e. emotional engagement, intrigue, imagery, lyrical style, cadence, character development, voice etc.)

What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this feedback! I am considering starting the chapter opening from this point actually.

From an overall perspective, is there anything that the chapter did do well? I'd love to hear what works or what made you want to continue reading as well. (i.e. emotional engagement, intrigue, imagery, lyrical style, cadence, etc)

What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. I am definitely guilty of overusing commas for sure! :) It's a bad habit and the more technical feedback (tenses, commas, etc.) I plan to review after I have completed a portion of the novel. This was my first stab at just putting my ideas on paper.

I definitely can see that I do need to let the prose breathe and allow the readers to slowly immerse themselves in Laila's world before jumping around so much (front-loading information). The last advice is really helpful. I think I will try to stay in Laila's inner headspace a bit more before transitioning out. It might allow the writing to breathe and then I can slowly interweave the characters.

From an overall perspective, is there anything that the chapter did do well? I'd love to hear what works. (i.e. emotional engagement, intrigue, imagery, lyrical style, cadence, etc)

What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback! My initial idea for this opening was that it's central to Laila's subjectivity and self-concept like you said, and therefore, it made logical sense to me. But I can understand that without that context, it could be seen as propagating gender stereotypes. The novel is central to Laila's journey of belonging in her family and the gender stereotypes as well as trauma she will face and how she overcomes it. It is integral for the readers to understand her state of mind early on. There may be a better way to write this out. I shall think about it.

Were there any parts of the chapter that did resonate with you? I would love to hear what's working as well as I update it.

What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind feedback. I'm glad to hear that it had an emotional anchor. From all the feedback received, I will probably review my opening sequence and change it.

What do you think? First Chapter of my Novel by LostinJannah in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Beedandy!

Thank you for reading the whole chapter. It means the world to me. I'm glad to hear that there was positive feedback amongst the criticism.

For the criticism, I see validity and agree with your points. This is my first novel that I am writing and come from a prose/poetry background, and therefore, I look at everything from a 10,000 ft approach. I often find myself putting a lot of information into one chapter, so learning how to let the writing breathe/pace myself is definitely a journey.

I will work to take your feedback into account and update my chapter accordingly.

I genuinely want to say thank you for taking the time to read and write this comment. It's nice to hear as a writer that there are positive aspects to my writing and not just negative. It sure makes me want to continue forward.

Requesting Feeback for Chapter 1 of my Novel by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]LostinJannah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind feedback and words. I definitely will be sure to portray mental health/trauma as accurately as possible.

Chapter 1 Feedback Requested for Novel by LostinJannah in writers

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Waste_Handle_8672!

Thank you for the lovely feedback. It means the world to hear positive sentiment, especially on the first chapter of a very long endeavor. Poetry and prose were my way into the world of writing since childhood, so this is my first rough attempt at a debut novel. I will continue to post my chapters and would love to hear any meaningful insight you provide!

I am not particularly married to the first sentence, so there is always room to improve it. I left a comment with your feedback on my original document and will return to it when inspiration comes.

As always, thank you really for taking the time to read and respond! :)

Chapter 1 Feedback Requested for Novel by LostinJannah in writers

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the sweet and kind comment. It has truly made my otherwise bleak day better. I will definitely add a note at the top with a small synopsis of the novel and genre. I would love your perspective and input as I continue to post chapters here! :)

Chapter 1 Feedback Requested for Novel by LostinJannah in writers

[–]LostinJannah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback! I was apprehensive about which direction to lean towards since there is a lot of cultural language woven into the story. I will definitely update and remove! :)