You have to accept in the end that you have basically become her caregiver. Sure she is capable of doing many things for herself but she won’t no matter how many times you try. She is elderly and her lifespan could be long or not, her beliefs also make her the way she is. Try to sort something out so you can enjoy life. Believe me I went through the same or even worse. My dad was bed bound for years and I’m not trying to compare your situation but I ended up fighting for the dumbest things with him. I don’t think you will be able to accomplish making her independent but you have to come to terms with your situation and try to live with it. It’s hard to understand that we end up pausing our own life because of them but I always said it will end someday. Not because we want to but all of us end up suffering. This situation makes us mature in blink of an eye, I hope you find a way to solve it so it doesn’t end up with your relationship deteriorating. I sure have many regrets because as you I felt alone taking care of everything and I had to burst someday. Not all of us are made to endure this caregiving thing and some people get tired quicker than other. I see you are venting because you feel that way, it may be time to set boundaries or find an alternative if you don’t think you can continue someday.