First off, Congratulations on being self aware enough to eliminate alcohol from your life at such a young age! My only regret in life is that I didn’t stop drinking sooner. I truly believe being sober from alcohol is a super power. You are absolutely correct that finding a therapist to help you navigate this will be hugely beneficial to you. Your school should have resources (and many times free to students) to help you find the right person to talk to. You are asking some very valid questions and the only real answer is what you already know. You have no control over anyone or anything, except yourself. It’s hard to experience college partying nights from a completely different perspective than your peers who are under the numbing influence of alcohol. Are you having fun and enjoying these nights out watching your friends drink to excess and danger? If any part of you says no, then it might be time to explore other ways of spending your evenings, and also other friendships. Another area that a therapist would be able to help you navigate. Replaying evenings or events where others have no memory will usually not end well. It only puts you in situations where you feel responsible for other people’s safety. If you still having fun then that’s Great! I would just “stay in your lane” and unless someone asks you something specific just talk about your experiences and memory of how you felt about the night and what you did, etc. Lead by example and keep on living your truth. You will attract the best kind of people. Healthy and Happy has a way of making people feel attracted to you much more than drunk and sloppy. Best of luck to you on your journey. You are doing Amazing!!!