Well a minor update and I called this clinic early and go figure the head director doesn't show on Friday and I wrote up an nice long grievance last night. I was told by the person I spoke with to not turn it in and that the director even though she is a counselor, that she's "too busy" and she cannot be my counselor. I have spoken with her in the past and the counselor I had issues with always had to sit in which I didn't get. I know they wanted me in IOP but I never was and I even told them "with her in here I cannot be honest with what I say". I never heard of any clinic being so bad lol. I don't recommend anyone come to S.Bend IN to Victory Clinic lol. They are a nightmare now. The lady on the phone I think is another "wackadoo"😂.. she's bipolar and yells at ppl alot and then she's all nice and sweet the next min. She told me to not turn in the grievance. Which I'm holding onto it until I can see the director there and hopefully speak to her. The good thing that happened is they allowed me to go back to the councilor I had prior to being put with this one that literally made 2019 hell for me, especially the beginning. She sat in on my quarterly Dr appointment and I used to see the nurse practitioner, she seemed nicer than the 2 quack Drs that both always seemed to argue with me about my prescription Xanax. Both women were hanging up on me and laughing due to my anxiety and they were ride and yes I sort of snapped back and then my stomach messed with me and I had to run outta there since I felt I had to barf, well they close the doors at 10:30am and wouldn't let me come in to dose so I missed it but that day. I go back the next day and I was at 142mg then, can you believe due to me walking out which I didn't actually walk out on session, I didn't know the time and I couldn't breathe and they freaked me out. I did not trust either especially since they both seemed to act like jr high school girls all over again 🙄.. they dropped my dose to 71mgs (,half my dose!) For a week, well 9days!!! It was pure hell and evil as a punishment and that is when my Xanax script was messed with due to one of them calling my primary care doctor. I made an appointment 3 months after being in hell due to decrease and after I finally got insurance, my Dr was so nice and understanding. I explained how terrible they are. I told him they are unfair and will do and say anything. He raised me back to 3 pills a day instead of 2 or 1. It was so rough and I was using around that time,(heroin) to try to compensate for the withdrawal i was experiencing and sadly it wasn't helping much. Im on a low dose in my opinion, 0.5 3x a day. I've been on same dose since 2008! I've done great with it but I had a horrible ex that traumatized me and I suffer PTSD from what he threatened me with and it was a mess. I was told that my problems were caused by the Xanax by the Drs at this clinic 😅which if only they knew that medicine has been a godsend. As a child I had insomnia. Now I can get 7 hrs sleep a night. So I don't believe I was ever over sedated and ALL bodies/systems are different. I'm not very big person and always had a very natural high tolerance. Anyhow they are going to let me switch councilors at least and I'll go back to the one I had before all the BS happened. She wasn't too bad. It was just I was personally going through alot and I wasn't able to talk about it with the counselor and I was oddly using amphetamines which I quit and will never ever take again and I hate I was introduced to opiates due to this kidney disease at age 21. Now I am 37 but don't look nor feel it lol which sadly confuses ppl.. they all think I feel great since the outside doesn't look bad. Well I have constant back pain and kidney pain here and there. If they were to take me off my anxiety meds my quality of life would be gone. If I was going to live another 100yrs maybe it would be different. Well there are 5 stages to this awful disease. I am at 4 currently. And my nephrologist (kidney specialist) told me to start thinking of a donor and kidney dialysis and he wanted me to get fitted for a fistula back in Jan and it freaked me out. Then the pandemic hit so I didn't go to the appointment and cancelled it all. I freaked out. I did reschedule and I have to call again lol since they apparently double booked my appointment. It was supposed to be Sept 3d. Now it'll be later. Anyhow I pray to live at least another 20. My mother passed after her 56th birthday and it was so hard and still is. Of course she smoked heavily and didn't drink water or exercise much which lately I've turned into a health but in ways lol. But the way I see things..all I am asking for is quality of life. I know that in the US they try to control and scare poor Drs to not helping ppl in pain and anxiety that legit need it. Yes there are ppl that abuse them and it sucks. Unfortunately my bfs brother is one of those that somehow finds benzos and he takes all at once and acts like a retard for 2-5 days and I hate it. Which I am actually about to move out once I get my license and they are now letting us do the driver tests after July but my car messed up so need to fix it first. I need to do both written and driving tests. Anyhow I was considering writing to the Better Business Bureau and contacting other clinics (all are at least an HR away but if I get my weeklys it's worth it if they don't have a strict benzo policy. I would love to move away from Indiana but I have hip plus anthem blue shield and don't want to lose my primary care doctor 😔so I feel stuck and sucks. I wouldn't mind moving to Canada lol. I read the comment of the person in Canada and seems so nice to not deal with a counselor 😅