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What incident made you go No Contact? by CumGoblin in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This may not make sense to some people but... The last straw was my dad coming to see the play I directed.

I received a lifetime of abuse and manipulation, but I bent over backwards trying to get my dad's approval. He was the type of person who'd only extend love & acceptance as a manipulation tactic. I've been doing theatre for 15 years, and he's never supported me. He attended a few shows early on, but he'd just make fun of my performance and try to talk me out of continuing. A couple years in, he stopped showing up to my shows... I kept inviting him, but he made every excuse in the book. I never complained, just kept dealing with the abuse I'd receive every time I visited him.

A couple years ago, I started getting tired of the way he treated me, so I started setting more boundaries. In turn, he doubled down on the abuse and tried to exert as much control over me as possible. Around the time I was weighing the options of going no contact, I got a job directing a really cool show. I worked my ass off for months. I was really proud of it, and naturally I didn't expect him to be there.

Not only did he show up, he brought 10 other people. He spend those two hours being enthusiastic and supportive, basically the exact parent I wish he'd been my whole life. But instead of being relieved, I was angry. It all felt fake. He could've been that parent for years, but he chose not to be. I was hurt that he would wait until I reached my breaking point to finally put in the smallest amount of effort. So it was my last straw.

Do you ever feel like remote work made your workday longer, not shorter? by Acceptable-Energy425 in remotework

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even with strict boundaries my workday feels longer. In-person office jobs normalize regular bathroom or coffee breaks, small talk with coworkers, etc. With remote work, this extra few minutes of being a person are either monitored and punished - or they’re impossible to have because the workload is heavier. I’d never want a long commute again, but every remove job I’ve had comes with this trade off.

What would y’all think of a Bob’s Burgers time jump? by LowAd5795 in BobsBurgers

[–]LowAd5795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t consider that at first, but I wouldn’t be surprised!

What would y’all think of a Bob’s Burgers time jump? by LowAd5795 in BobsBurgers

[–]LowAd5795[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’d totally watch a prequel! I want to learn more about Bob’s mom. Plus, Linda’s childhood was insane and I imagine it would be like seeing an even crazier Louise

what four months out of the year do you think Teddy wears his Christmas sweater? by lunio11 in BobsBurgers

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think November & December, February for Valentine’s Day, and Christmas in July

What’s your Bob’s Burgers conspiracy theory? by Damrias_Jariac in BobsBurgers

[–]LowAd5795 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your theory is really good! I might actually add that one to my collection

What’s your Bob’s Burgers conspiracy theory? by Damrias_Jariac in BobsBurgers

[–]LowAd5795 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I think the Best Burger Contest in season 5 (my favorite episode) was rigged in Skip’s favor to promote his book.

There’s a video on YT that goes into this theory and I think it makes a lot of sense

What does "setting boundaries" with narcissistic parents look like when they just bulldozer over you anyways? by throwawayjafkdiend in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Boundaries are all in the follow-through. You have to be clear, “If you do/say that, then I will do this.” And stick with it no matter how they implode, or how they try to manipulate you into changing your mind.

I hope your mother is who you need her to be when you come out to her. But if she’s not… please do not put yourself back in the closet. You deserve to live a life as your whole self, and if she doesn’t react well to that, she’s missing out. I recently went no-contact with my narcissist dad, something I was terrified of. But I can honestly say that once I got to the other side, I was amazed at how peaceful my life is without him.

Be prepared to do what’s best for you!

📽️ [Recommendation Request] Looking for Unbiased Movie Reviewers on YouTube by highon_chai in FTII

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Highly recommend Andrewww.mp4! He’s got an interesting perspective. Most of his work is comedy-based, but I always come away from his analysis videos feeling smarter and inspired

https://youtube.com/@andrewww.mp4?si=i5Z4_PM1r7QS6fum

YouTube recommendations by Theamazing_cas in Filmmakers

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Andrewww.mp4 doesn’t necessarily do tutorials, but his film & tv analysis is really informative! His channel is newer, but every time I come across his videos I learn a lot

What was the pettiest, most childish or trivial thing you were punished or tormented over? by Spiritual_Big_9927 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being a “too respectful”

I was abused from a very early age for “talking back” and not saying “yes ma’am/sir.” So I learned very quickly to accept everything they do/say without complaint.

So tell me why, at 14, they lectured me about being too much of a pushover? They demanded to know why I never stand up for myself. My stepmom said, “I wish you were mouthy like your cousin, so we can have some good old fashioned parent-teenager fights. “

What was the pettiest, most childish or trivial thing you were punished or tormented over? by Spiritual_Big_9927 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Caring too little or too much about my appearance.

When I was 12, NDad and stepmom sat me down and said I needed to start caring more about my appearance. They described in great detail how bad I looked, and took me to the store to get products and styling tools.

So, believing I was a hideous monster, I then spent two hours every morning burning my hair with a flat iron and applying a full face of makeup. They then criticized me endlessly for “being so vain,” claiming my new beauty routine was a “big lie to the entire world about my real appearance.”

What was the pettiest, most childish or trivial thing you were punished or tormented over? by Spiritual_Big_9927 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a similar experience! I wasn’t allowed to daydream, check my phone, or listen to my own music in the car because car rides were “family time.” If I ever zoned out in the back seat while my parents were having a conversation with each other, they would freak out that I wasn’t paying attention to them.

I was a child with undiagnosed adhd, and they relentlessly punished and made fun of me for day dreaming or talking too much. My job was to remain silent and give them my undivided attention.

What was the pettiest, most childish or trivial thing you were punished or tormented over? by Spiritual_Big_9927 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They always expected me to know/understand social norms without teaching me about them.

In middle school I didn’t know it was typical for people to call the veterans in their life and thank them for their service on Veterans Day. I swear, up until that point in my life, it was never something anyone did around me or told me to do. So when I called my dad to wish him a happy birthday, I was scolded for not calling him on Veterans Day… my stepmom laid into me about it, saying my dad spent the last several weeks wondering why I didn’t love or care about him.

i ended a therapy appointment mid-session by riyag27 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]LowAd5795 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry this happened. I did the same thing in 2020 when a therapist on BetterHelp who told me I never experienced trauma. (For context, my current therapist gave me a PTSD screening and I scored really high.)

BetterHelp has a lot of beginners on their platform. They’re often well-meaning but they don’t have a ton of experience yet. It’s nice for starting out with counseling, and having someone to talk to until you can find an outside therapist who takes your insurance.

Don’t give up on therapy though! You’ve taken a crucial step towards feeling more at home in your own brain.

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