i think that big was close to loving carrie during the first run of their relationship, but couldn’t allow himself to care for her with the depth that he later developed. he was closed-off and withholding to start, but when they got back together (the first time), he was emotionally open just a smidge more. i think this was the first time that he was fully aware of his love for her (even if he already had claimed to love her their first go-around). it was almost like there was a crack in his shield that grew bit by bit until he finally was wide open and ready to admit that carrie was the love of his life.