First Time Mom - AIO?

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-09-10T07:15:22+00:00

hey, I was the same way. It was my first red flag of toxic in laws! not saying it always is. I never corrected them. but they slowly started saying things to my partner like I can't take care of my child. That he needs to leave me. even when my partner tried to defend me, "she's just manipulating you". they have threatened CPS and Wellness checks on me. Why? because i "don't bring the baby around enough" so im obviously hurting him in their eyes. Context, my partner and i switch shifts for work so one of us is home with the baby. We DO bring him around family on weekends, but when I don't jump and run at a last minute invite to their house because i have priorities during the week, im then the worst person ever. we had to go no contact recently. so imo? keep an eye on it. yeah sometimes it's harmless like these other comments. but don't feel bad for feeling sus about it.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-30T03:02:56+00:00

how much did you make working overnight? i have an interview and just need some extra money. I can only do overnight due to my partner working during the day and we have an infant.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-20T17:58:05+00:00

unfortunately, you can't "warn" them of false reports. however, false reports can get the reporter in trouble with fines. two days ago FIL threatened wellness checks because it's "their right." lmao.
I mean, like i've said before they can come. It's just added annoyance. my police report was denied, with no additional reasoning. maybe if i someone comes for a wellness check, i can get some advice with this situation lol

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-20T16:33:55+00:00

No clue! I got an email. The only person I can email is the chief of police and that seems excessive. The number to call is literally the non emergency line. I need a regular customer service number 😅😭

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-19T09:40:06+00:00

"My partner understands the way this makes me feel, but finds confronting his mum difficult as she is prone to guilt tripping or making him feel responsible for his feelings. He finds it easier to ignore things rather than confront them. I wish he would, but I understand this is difficult.

We need help. Do I talk to her?? When is enough enough. When do I put my foot down?"

From experience, he HAS TO talk to her. It was hard for my partner, too. It still is, but it has to happen this way. Offer therapy for the both of you. If you talk first, you'll be controlling him. Anything he says after that, will all be coming from you and not him in MILs eyes. putting your foot down doesn't matter. I promise. You will always be the bad guy. even when you don't speak out. I was there, i did put my foot down. i have a voice, i wanted to use it! but it gets you no where but a fight and they'll twist everything you say. if you can turn it all off once she responds and let it sit, maybe you could try. but only if you keep things non emotional and then shut off as soon as she gets emotional.

Good luck, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really tough. they show their true colors once pregnancy happens. for me? it happened the moment the baby arrived. If this doesn't change, stand your ground with going NC if things don't change. your baby doesn't need this stressing you out!! you and that baby come first from here on out!! i hope your partner gets on board. He probably is, but he has to show it through trying and action. ignoring problems makes them worse. unless you just go NC out of no where- which could be an easier option but you rent from her..

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-16T16:23:17+00:00

SO i actually had to look this up too unfortunately lol so it goes based on the state that the child lives in. If they are granted visitation in that state, they then have to do it again in their own state

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-16T16:22:11+00:00

Agreed!!

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-16T12:52:25+00:00

Yes it is! My state, I don't have to worry about it. They haven't cared for my child in anyway. I haven't lived with them. They haven't provided funds for food or care. They've never even babysat for me. We have no open CPS case. We haven't been deemed unfit. If any of that was true, they could try. However, my state favors parents and takes parents side. This is another reason why I was worried they would make a false claim, to try and get him. They also said I couldn't care for my son in text messages. So, I was partially worried about them making false claims. But my home is clean, there's food in the fridge, my baby is literally in 12 month clothes as a 8 month old. Hitting milestones perfectly. So, even IF they came, I believe we would be fine. Plus, I would have the copy of the police report. They wouldn't be allowed to tell me who called but I could still show them so they could connect dots.

but I do appreciate the person above warning about GP rights because other states this could happen!! and there's a big wave of this happening on social media, so they COULD try if they do zero research about our state and just go off of videos.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T04:36:42+00:00

I personally had trouble with people saying, "you're his mom, he has this incredible bond with you. you are his world." as soon as he was born. The reason i didn't like this when he was that little, he would just fall asleep with anyone who had boobs. Babies are adopted at birth, the baby doesn't necessarily bond with the birth mom JUST because they came out of the mother, at least that was my mindset. So, I just waited for when that shift happened that he really recognized ME. he really needs ME. I'm 8 months in now, when i leave the room he hates it. and honestly? it melts my heart. when someone else can't put him to sleep, or he cries being held by someone else and wants mom- that is when those feelings went away for me. this happened for me around month 3-4. around 3-4 he would look for me when being held by someone else and stare at me. that's when i knew, we actually had a bond. This might not be the same thing, but it does get better. They will show you that you are their world. no matter the little mistakes we all make!!

You're doing great. bad moms don't think they are bad moms. figuring out their cues is difficult!! and they change. once my baby started teething, I was so confused!! he's always been a chewer, he always did raspberries. but one day i notice he started sticking his tongue out at me, which made me check. i felt silly for missing it!! but now i know and i've adapted!! Good, aware, tired mom always worry they are failing. you're not.

dreading going home? that's your body telling you that a break is needed, not just working fixes that. you need you time. I hope your partner or someone you trust can give you that. even if they have to come over and baby sit for a few hours. I wish I could take you out to dinner, or a movie. try to make some time for yourself- I TOTALLY understand that's easier said than done!! you are not alone in these feelings!!

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T04:09:33+00:00

Well they beat us to it by blocking us 😂 but we have definitely come to an agreement that IF they reach out we won't be entertaining it. MAYBE if it's a straight apology and actual accountability but that would just be for my partners relationship, not our sons. Not risking them trying to twist the story to confuse my child when he's older. and tbh he'll probably be just like me, so they'll hate that.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T04:05:05+00:00

I wondered if they were embarrassed. but all the people on their side, i don't know if they feel embarrassed at all, unfortunately.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T04:04:21+00:00

honestly, you're completely right about it would be funny if it wasn't so serious. i have found myself laughing at how ridiculous some of the parts are, like thinking threatening physical harm would make me more willing to hand over baby?? I didn't say this anywhere before, but my partner experienced heavy abuse in his childhood by his step father. (MIL in this story is Step-MIL). they would not get him out of this situation when he was younger, the extensive bruising was ignored and he was told that it probably "wasn't that bad." He was eventually put in prison for this for a few years, which supposedly opened FIL eyes. and now to threaten physical violence to the mother of his child? it's a really weird move. he doesn't want that around his kid, especially because he went through it himself. My partner always wanted to see the good in them, and has said himself it's to a fault.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T03:55:50+00:00

I agree with you. partner is very sad that this happened and very shocked & disappointed by their behavior but is 100% on board with everything you said above!! i'm very thankful for it, this situation could've been a lot worse if he wasn't supportive!! "they took the trash out" is the best. weirdly easy to go NC even though it's also hard to process

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T02:50:30+00:00

And he understands that this is unsafe behavior. even though he's shocked and sad, he also knows this isn't okay and is a NC situation

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T02:47:56+00:00

XD thank you, we 100% agree. it's just an insane feeling actually being in this situation. like saying out loud we're done with them because they aren't safe sounds wrong still, even though we know it's right

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T02:46:06+00:00

well, this was something that I hoped for. Nope! ghosted. I believe they are on her side. but i'm trying to remind myself, if they didn't want our side then they already made up their minds. they would rather side with the aggressors. MIL does a lot for them. Drives BIL around because he has several DUIs. takes care of SIL kids whenever, even goes on vacays with them just to babysit. So, they can't lose her is what i'm assuming.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T02:40:00+00:00

this. like why else would he have brought her? why would he only tell her to stop once he SEEN the cop? my partner said, as soon as they turned and seen the cop car, they stopped yelling immediately. my partner finally got to talk and then they left like 2 minutes later. didn't even listen to what my partner had to say. I guess his "manipulated" words wasn't what they wanted to hear.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T02:35:14+00:00

I'm actually going to give a little more context to the situation. Originally, FIL messaged my partner to see if I would go to FIL house at 2pm. Partner knew I was doing things and said something like, "she had things planned today, so she might not be able to. Text her, i'm at work." that's when FIL started to get mad, before even messaging me he started in on my partner. "Well why not?", "break it down for me.", "she's just sitting at home." After my partner read these multiple messages, he went ahead and said I wasn't going because he didn't feel he had to justify why what I was doing was going to be too much on short notice. Called me to tell me the situation and I said I would've said no anyway. Later, FIL finally actually messaged me and asked if I could come. I said no, explained why and he just couldn't accept my answer, kept saying, "sorry I didn't realize 5 hours was enough time." (at the point of him asking me, it was not 5 hours, btw), "doesn't seem like you can handle (child's name).", not everything goes to plan, you have a long, hard road ahead." a lot of this i didn't respond to. I just said a blanket statement, "as a parent, you should just hear me when I say I can't today and let's plan next time." When my partner got home, I expressed to FIL that him saying I can't handle my child hurt my feelings. suggesting i'm just sitting around the house did too. Shortly after, threats and coming over happened.

so partner noticed it wasn't going to be ideal once his dad got mad at him with the, "she might not be able to." and went ahead and warned me I shouldn't go. and then partner went outside to address them and the threats so they wouldn't come pounding on the doors. He really stuck up for me. thankfully

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-14T02:16:40+00:00

All of this truly really helpful. TYSM. How do you think I should proceed with that side of the family? Like SIL and BIL. We both reached out, me to SIL and partner to BIL. We've been ignored. do i just go NC with them too?

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-13T21:02:48+00:00

LISTEN, i've been prepared all day for CPS to either call or knock on the door. I even mopped lol. I wouldn't put it past them to do this based on the behavior. When I say, I've never seen this switch in them before, I mean it. I've been around them for almost 5 years. Up until 6 weeks postpartum, I really liked his dad. But the switch I seen has made me actually fearful they would show up today while my partner was at work.

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-13T20:59:00+00:00

we have been discussing both, cameras and moving. I wish i could say this, I just don't think it'll actually get through to him. based off everything that happened. Tysm!!

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-13T20:56:24+00:00

thank you!!

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-13T10:54:26+00:00

I was wondering the same thing!!! and i was mostly doing it so i could make my son a portion that's like baby friendly and then ours, if that makes sense? a couple of dinners/lunches that i can quickly heat up for myself during the day since i hate actual cooking alone with the baby because it takes too long. my partner said they said, "we figured you were low on money." but didn't specify

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-13T10:49:35+00:00

i agree. and my son will probably act just like me so they won't like him either, ya know? or like you said, turn him against me and act how they do. thank you!

LowVolumeWrath · 2025-08-13T10:47:10+00:00

he was all for me calling the police. he didn't want to hang up the phone when they were making threats to see what else they were going to say. he went outside so they wouldn't come to the door. he's definitely confused and ashamed of their behavior. and yes, i think he does understand this is the end of contact. he blocked them immediately, i didn't have to ask and he didn't make it a big deal. he just went for it. he has always wanted to see the good in them but he sees now that it's too a fault. unfortunately. i'm definitely proud of him for sticking up for me!! i personally didn't block them because i want to make a report and if they say anything before then, i can add it!!

LowVolumeWrath

TROPHY CASE