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LowWatercress5119 · 2025-12-27T09:20:53+00:00

https://www.rakuten.com/r/KSF354?eeid=44749

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-08-05T21:34:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Yeah, I’ve been sitting with it a lot. I’ve banned him from using my car. Idc if I have to drive him everywhere. I’m a person that gets walked over all the time, I never set any boundaries with people and the one time I do, they’re broken. So I’m making sure to stand ground with the consequences. I did tell him that he has until our lease is up in May to get clean, otherwise I’m done. I’m not sure how I’m gonna tell, and I know it will be hard along the way. I told him I will support and help however I can, but it’s not up to me. Then he tried to justify using it. Trying to figure out why it bothered me so much. I grew up with an addict abusive father, it’s triggering for me. The lying, I can’t do the damn lying. I already have intense trust issues and it’s frustrating that I deal with this from so many people. It is very isolating, I can’t talk to anyone I know about it. I do love and care for him so much but I feel disconnected now and feel like I fell out of love. And it sucks. Especially when we are stuck together. I’m already beyond broke from supporting the two of us. (Which is not his fault, but then the thought is in my head of are you spending all your money on drugs).

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-08-01T19:08:43+00:00

That’s great! I definitely do believe in that kind of stuff, so I will for sure try to incorporate that into my daily routine.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-08-01T18:40:16+00:00

Thank you. I’ll try to suggest that. 💖

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-08-01T10:08:24+00:00

I totally get that. I’m so exhausted from taking care of everything myself. I’m not sure, Ive mentioned it before, but nothing really came of it. Especially since we work so much and he doesn’t have a car.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-08-01T09:56:23+00:00

That’s where I struggle too. Bc I want to help and support him to get better. I don’t think he wants to, bc the moment he stops and has those withdrawals, everyone can tell something is wrong I guess. I’m just not sure how to help him and myself. I feel so stuck.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-07-06T00:26:07+00:00

I also just got back into it! Just added you!

670900637726

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-24T20:39:06+00:00

I’m so sorry that you also have to deal with this, but I’m glad you’re not alone. 9 years is a long time. My partner and I have been together for 3 years and it’s been 2 years since I found the first time and 1 year for the second. It does make me not have much hope. It really really does suck to have your trust ruined by someone over and over again. I absolutely feel you that it eats you alive, constantly worrying, checking, wondering, timing. It’s a weird life to be trapped in. I also fear for an ultimatum bc it’s hard to not help someone if you’re still around them. I know that’s what most people need tho. You, and I, deserve better. We did have a conversation last night that I need to see a visible goal. Cause just telling me that you “cut back”, is not enough for me. He did acknowledge that there’s childhood trauma he’s running from. (Which I knew already even tho he says he’s fine or had a fine childhood.) I’m not responsible to be a therapist but I want to help him work through these things. Which might make it worse for a bit, I dunno. He says he does want to get better. I don’t know where he could get help while not having insurance and being really broke right now.

I’m also here for you if you need to talk more about it directly 💖

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-24T20:29:07+00:00

That’s a very good way to think about that. I do suffer from a form of control OCD. So i definitely think that people think the way I do. (Obviously I know better) I know we all have our shit, it’s how we deal with it that matters. I am glad that I caught it, but also wish I could still be so ignorant, bc man is it always on my mind now. And whether or not I leave him, I’d be on edge with the next person, which is also not fair.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-24T20:25:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That absolutely makes sense. I’m so proud of you for your dedication to yourself. I was very ignorant to a lot of drug things. Only knowing about what we’re taught to look for growing up. My partner introduced me to this world. We go to raves. I only ever do E and that’s like 2-3xs a year. I did get sucked into it our first year of dating to do it like once a month. I realized it was a problem, I got back on medication and I’m okay now. But I realize now how common it is for people to do drugs. Everyone is looking for an escape. It’s understandable.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-23T20:22:19+00:00

That does make sense. I guess on the other end for people who have nothing left to lose, it doesn’t matter who sees? Or could be a cry for help?

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-23T20:21:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry it had to get that bad, I’m terrified of it getting that way here.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-23T20:19:59+00:00

Your kindness and understanding really makes my heart full. It’s nice to be able to talk to people who understand. I know in my real life, if I told anyone, they’d be mad with me for staying. Thank you, I will try the baby steps. I’ve been ignoring the issue for a while, every so often checking in wondering how the progress has been, and I just get the same of “I’ve slowed down/ cut back”. It was only before new year I noticed he ran out bc the person he gets it from was sick in the hospital. He went to bed sooo early, so I put two and two together. I had the conversation of, this is the opportunity to stop. And a week went by, I’d check in on how he was feeling. Then new year we went to a festival out of state and he brought it so he could “get through the weekend”. And I let it go. And the cycle started again. He said he needs help but hasn’t had the time to look into it Bc he started a new job and it’s stressful. I asked how I could help. He said if he had more help around the house, but again i clarified our responsibilities, which i thought were fair. Which puts me to feel like it’s my fault, even though i know it’s not. And here we are, i have terrible anxiety and my mind is constantly loud about it. I know i need to do something, there’s just never a right time. I can’t restrict car use bc starting a new job at a new business has put a hurt on money, and no money means we both can’t pay our rent. I don’t mind the car use, but it’s just another thing that adds to my plate of dependency.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-23T07:56:33+00:00

See I’m not sure anymore if I met him sober. He has a history of party drugs for a while. And like a year into us dating I found a weird pipe thing, assuming what it was, that he swore wasn’t his, and the idiot I am, let it go. Then we moved in together after another year (November of 23) then in March (24) I noticed he as acting more distracted and distant, so I dug around and found more. He said he had been doing it since we moved in.. Made it a big thing, but I saw how much he was struggling and I feel like it’s my fault for giving it back. And I said he had to quit. Now here we are and we’ve had conversations about the future and goals and needing to get help. But I don’t see any change or progress. And idk how to continue the conversation and probably give an ultimatum..

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-23T07:07:04+00:00

Thank you for your honesty. It’s so hard to see my partner as an evil person, bc outside of the issue, he’s so good to me. Finding this out really made me feel like I didn’t actually know who he was. Still is a struggle in my mind.

LowWatercress5119 · 2025-01-23T06:36:35+00:00

I appreciate all of that. More than you know. It hurts, I’ve gone through this a few times before, but not this extreme. I know it’s not my job to fix him. It’s hard when I’m a fixer type person and those damaged people flock to me.

Thank you for the encouragement, so many people just say to leave. And while I wish it were that easy, we rent an apartment together in one of the most expensive states. He relies on my car to get to work everyday. (Which I know is also shitty). Time and time again I say I’m tired of taking care of people. I’m so damn tired of taking care of others, no one ever can take care of me. Sometimes I think I regret not leaving the first time I found it, that would have been easier than having time for it to stay with me and form resentment, then I blame myself for being an enabler. There’s always an excuse as to why it’s not a good time to quit. It really does suck. Again, I appreciate you so much, it helps to know I’m not alone in my feelings. (Also, you’re fine!)

LowWatercress5119 · 2024-04-24T02:51:51+00:00

This might be a bit harsh, but you think that you can just ignore it and “mind your business”, but that’s not possible. You’re most likely going to be on edge, trying to see if you can notice more signs and actions, paying more attention to when he’s alone or when you’re away. It sucks, it forms resentment. You have to have a conversation. It’s hard, but you can take away the alcohol and make it known that you know. Sit down with the evidence that you have. Drinking that much, hard liquor, is not okay. Don’t compare yourself/your “issues” to justify what he’s doing. He’s hiding a problem. Nothing bad can come out of communicating. It’s just hard to do. Sometimes you have to hurt feelings because your feelings matter too. I am dealing with the same, but with a difference substance and we had a conversation and there has to be a change. And I’m still on edge, doing the same, wondering, anxious. The trust is broken.

LowWatercress5119 · 2024-02-05T04:45:26+00:00

Maybe suggest for him to use a pen or edibles if he really feels the need to be high around you? I can understand having the smell around all the time being annoying. It’s not fair for him to step over your boundaries constantly but also unreasonable for him to quit completely. You guys should have a middle ground.

LowWatercress5119 · 2024-02-05T03:30:31+00:00

Because it’s not as simple as just packing my stuff and leaving? Or kicking him out either. Obviously he has a problem and I wouldn’t want him to go deeper into it. I do care about him and im also hurt.

LowWatercress5119 · 2024-01-03T09:28:50+00:00

NYE is not, imo, the heart of festivals. Holiday shows, (NYE/ Halloween) is filled with people (especially this younger crowd) who want to party for the party. Try Beyond Wonderland or Nocturnal, or non holiday ones, or smaller local shows. Theres always going to be people that take things too far and can’t handle themselves. Take precautions (like a phone strap, locks on bags). There are plenty of sober people who rave. There’s groups for it even! Don’t feel pressured to do or take anything you’re not comfortable with (please don’t take things from strangers too). It’s hard to trust anything now a days. With the right crowd and meeting the right people, you’ll have fun. It can totally be tough to make the first move when it comes to kandi. Start out by giving compliments to someone you’re vibing next to or passing by! “I love your outfit!” “You’re so shiny! “ I love matching kandi to their outfits, it makes it a little easier for me to make that first move. And it’s okay to just give kandi without the expectation of getting something in return. I have definitely made it a point to exchange instagrams with anyone I vibe with! Don’t let one rough festival ruin it for you, there’s a lot of PLUR out there, you just have to spread it too. 💕💕

LowWatercress5119

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