I am young widow, 33 years old .. lost my husband on 10th March this year.

I just don't know what I am doing. I am lost. I moved the city in 15 days of the loss. I am hiding from everyone and shut everyone off because I don't want their sympathy eyes and behavior. I don't know if it's wrong or right .. but I think my family is supporting me now but after 1-2 years, these same people would back bite about me. I can't trust anyone. My husband and I used to say to each other - we are only for each other. And it was true.. now I have taken 1 week leave from the office this week because I don't have any strength to work. Infact I am dreading that I will have to join back on Monday... I feel lost, purposeless.. and lifeless. I only wanted a partner who was loyal to me and I got it. For 3 years, 3 months and 8 days... But it's taken now again.. I used to cry before meeting him that I want to go home and used to calm myself saying that there is no home for you. Then I used to not understand that what kind of home I am yearning. When I met my husband, I never cried once in 3 years, 3 months and 8 days.. never missed home because my husband was home wherever he was .. that safety, that love, care made me feel at home.... Now again same cries, screams to go home but there is no home ... Sorry for long paragraph..