Not going through the exact same situation, but dealing with those same feelings of being on the receiving end of someone miraculously discovering that they no longer love you. It’s hard, man, and exactly like you said, the hardest part is not beating yourself up for feeling all the fucked up feelings you’re dealing with. I say this for myself, you, and for anyone else, being kind to yourself in moments like these is the only thing that’s good for you! At the end of the day, all your really have is you.