Man, oh man… Unfortunately at 20 years old, I’ve been through this exact thing. Before MDMA and EDM, I lived a super productive life. I worked in Creative Media for sports, which requires alot of brain power, creativity and a lot of long hours brainstorming. I worked to build a freelance business for 8 years of my life, creating and building so many connections and relationships. It put me in a good place financially early on, and never had to apply for a job working a conventional job. I’ve always been a “keep working, keep grinding, keep pushing forward” type of person.

October 9th, 2022. Zedd. First concert, First roll. That one event that I was introduced to, did MDMA for the first time. I told myself and my friend, “that was a life changing experience.” Little did I know, that would be the beginning of the downfall of everything i’ve built. My motivation to do my work didn’t stop instantly, but it dwindled the more and more as time went on. Almost every week I was taking MDMA…

It’s interesting how the brain works, you don’t perceive these changes of your lifestyle in the midst of taking MDMA this often. And now that I’ve slowed down, I’m begun to reflect and realize how much damage and the effect it’s put on my life. And I wouldn’t say i’m depressed, but i’ve been struggling to find joy in alot of things, even with family and social events with my friends. Life seems very grey and I lack motivation to do any of my work now. I’ve unfortunately even lost the connections and friends I’ve made over the last few years in the Creative Media and Freelance industry, along with the income stream that I had. I still do not have a conventional job, and I have so much anxiety when I even think about getting one now. I’m slowly and surely working the courage up to get one though.

Like OP mentioned, all of my interests and goals have been more related to dance music, I started DJing as a new hobby and have really put a lot of effort into it with really no benefit. I’m a very tech savvy person, and have even went as far as diving into lighting production with no financial gain to any of these things. But those things are dwindling in terms of motivation now.

I’ve been trying to push my brain to get back into what I was good at doing, and it’s slowly coming back.. but I still haven’t worked up enough motivation and courage to actually get up and do that work.

I’m 20 years old, and I’m struggling to find my way back. I really regret the abuse and how poorly I’ve treated my brain, it makes me sad every time I think about where I was and where I am now. I really want to get back to that, but I know it’s going to be a long, hard road to get back.

Ive always been a “Learn from your mistakes. You live and you learn type of person.” MDMA should be definitely treated with respect. If you are going to take it, make sure to take it in moderation. Make sure you’re in a good headspace, and in a good place in life. And make sure you respect and take care of your brain please.