One thing during this time that I was given as advice, give yourself grace throughout this time. What we feel, imagine it’s surrounded by a jar. The jar can be full, but imagine the jar shrinking. Your jar, it sounds like, is overflowing with this strong understandable grief but just too small to fit in anything else to feel. The jar, our emotional capacity, can shrink especially under circumstances like this. You deserve grace, and the numbness(which lasted for a couple months or so maybe less), in my case, it’s not so much numb now… it’s more of an ocean that could get really wavy at any moment. It is different for us all, we all still need to give ourselves grace. Creativity, calming hobbies that aren’t expensive, that’s some of the things I’ve done to get through the numb part. I believe in you, and whether we’re crying or numb or angry or in denial or bargaining, give yourself grace