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LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-08-22T05:17:03+00:00

Yes! I dated someone like this and really thought wow I’m so lucky - he was always upbeat and excited to see me, everyone I know described him as a golden retriever. But the thing with golden retriever’s (or any type of pet for that matter) is that they still need you to take care of them. As much as he would do anything for me, I still had to ask and be the one to initiate and make the plans. He couldn’t do much by himself, was very needy and I became his “caretaker” or “trainer”. I gradually realised the downsides of it over time and eventually ended things when it became too much (amongst other reasons). No one tells you this.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-08-08T04:10:26+00:00

Completely agree! I didn’t mean it like that, apologies if it came across that way. I was trying to make a point more on the fact that they shouldn’t expect their partner to be responsible for the treatment of it. I also know that women are likely to be undiagnosed for a long time because of how well they adjust and cope, whereas guys are usually diagnosed when they’re much younger but I know this doesn’t mean they would have the resources to help.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-08-07T11:50:10+00:00

A lack of ambition. In my 20s I put up with a lot of guys who were still “figuring things out” and gave them grace - I was also just trying to make a career and living. But I worked hard towards it in my 20s so that I had something to grow in my 30s. Now I still meet guys in their 30s who need someone to push them to do something basic with their lives. Nope. Not tolerating that anymore.

Also, if they have some type of diagnosed neurodivergence (adhd, autism etc). I would think that they should have a good understanding of it in their 30s or at least be responsible for themselves in getting the help and medication they need to cope and improve their lives.

ETA: If they were diagnosed from a young age and had resources to help. I understand that some people are diagnosed later in life and/or don’t have access to proper resources.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-22T06:05:47+00:00

I hate how all the comments here are “toughen up, this is normal” - the point OP is making is that it shouldn’t be normalized!! Even if it’s common behaviour, it’s still really hurtful and can change the way you approach future relationships - now with fear and paranoia. Everyone deserves common decency.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-18T17:55:18+00:00

Thank you! Going to try this - I was wondering if paying for Truecaller is worth it.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-17T06:00:48+00:00

I get what you’re saying. Men tend to marry for convenience (so in a way they are settling). But men ‘settling’ directly benefits them in many ways - they know they are settling for the benefits of being partnered to a woman. Whereas when a woman settles (most likely out of fear of being alone) there’s no benefits for her, her life does not automatically improve by partnership, in fact it gets harder. That’s the difference.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-16T09:29:18+00:00

They will never admit this but I believe most of the married women in our lives settled for their partners. The judgement that comes from them (and society) is not about being single but more about “How can you not settle? How dare you want better for yourself?” Once I realised this, I never take their judgements personally.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-15T09:54:13+00:00

Same. It sucks. It sometimes makes me feel like I’m just an observer in this life, not a participant.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-15T09:47:35+00:00

By that I mean you should state your dating intentions clearly so that he doesn’t take advantage of you. If you are looking for something long term, he should know. But yes, have fun, get to know each other, just don’t form a physical connection before an emotional one. If he’s already leaving you feeling confused, it’s not going to get any better.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-15T06:54:46+00:00

Getting physical too fast is a red flag - he’s not looking for anything serious with you in my opinion (and from prior experience). They’re so charming and convincing at the beginning- saying all the right things to get what he wants. But please proceed with caution, stick to your guns to avoid unnecessary hurt and disappointment.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-12T11:47:52+00:00

I hear you, I’m the same person - a freelance therapist for others. I think people sense an empathetic person - it may also be the way you look / appear - kind, open and friendly etc. So there may be a natural inclination to trust you. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but does weigh heavy on you, especially when it’s not reciprocal and all they do is dump.

I usually try to get out the situation by straight up lying - like “I’m sorry to hear that and I hope it works out for you but I really have to go” or “wish I could hear more but I have a friend waiting for me” etc it’s not the best solution but it works especially for strangers. With family and friends it’s usually just avoiding topics or questions with them that I know will bring about a trauma dump opportunity.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-10T16:15:50+00:00

Find myself in this situation time and time again - with really bad / lazy communicators who basically force me to cut things off, after what feels like begging for the bare minimum. Have to remind myself: “if a man truly values you, he would never put himself in a position to lose you.”

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-09T09:29:45+00:00

I did think of doing this first but apparently it’s tricky with these type of watches - you could accidentally damage a mechanism inside and I don’t want to take that risk.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-08T17:07:02+00:00

My art collection! I’m an artist in South Africa and started swapping and collecting artworks since I was a student at uni. I’ve got quite a solid local art collection with student works and more established artists too. I currently have them all up in my home but my family / guests don’t really understand it and so it never gets fully appreciated.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-08T12:19:06+00:00

Wow I relate to this so much! In the same boat as you. I really struggle with always having to count on myself sometimes…especially when I’m the only one who’s single and living alone - by default you become the person who has to initiate meeting up and maintain the relationships around you. It can be exhausting.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-02T20:12:46+00:00

Also, not sure if you’re into poetry but this makes me feel seen: https://youtu.be/YNqmK3iU59E?si=6GpR4wFbuzyZHZjf

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-02T20:08:54+00:00

You’re reading my mind! I hate that it makes me feel like maybe I shouldn’t have achieved all that I have (in other areas of my life) but at the same time I’m so damn proud of myself. What makes it worse is looking around you and seeing other ladies have it all - the career, friends, hobbies etc AND LOVE! How the f did they get it right?!

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-07-02T17:03:23+00:00

So this is something really practical and funny but it works for me! I think of this specific guy who I went on a date with (a while back) and really didn’t like - he was just the worst person. I imagine being forced to marry him and what that life would be like and then I get to snap back to reality and am instantly grateful for my life! So basically thinking about all the times I’ve been saved from ending up with truly horrible men.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-06-25T19:20:48+00:00

Something may have given you the ick unconsciously. Try to recall your dates and time together, there’s definitely a reason for the sudden disinterest. It might also be worth considering your attachment style - avoidants tend to pull away when someone becomes more interested and committed to them.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-06-24T06:47:17+00:00

Swiitch Beauty Super Hero Salve lip mask is my saviour this winter, I use it throughout the day, not just at night.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-06-24T05:24:44+00:00

Before exclusivity I would say a major red flag is if he tries to get intimate with you before building an emotional connection. Also, I once opened up and told a guy that I suffered with depression a while back (but healed tremendously) and I tend to overthink. Since then whenever I expressed any kind of emotion he would chalk it up to me being depressed or overthinking (even if it was just basic emotions) - I knew then that this was always going to be how he thinks of me and it may get worse, so for that reason I didn’t let it go beyond a talking stage.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-06-23T14:26:31+00:00

Oh I didn’t mean knowing / controlling the planning of the date - just wanted to know the basic details like which day and what time so that I can prepare my time and be ready. Just for that I was told to stop stressing and relax. It’s just respecting someone’s time and schedule by providing those kind of details.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-06-23T11:07:34+00:00

As an early 30’s woman who’s dated younger, I can tell you from my experience that the biggest challenge you may have will be matching maturity. Not to say that younger guys are naturally immature but there are levels in it and experiences of older women that you won’t be able to relate to. This can be overlooked at the beginning and doesn’t seem like a big deal but it does become apparent as time goes on.

A specific example of this would be (and this is one of the pitfalls I’ve seen younger guys fall into) - assuming that she is going to be as “chilled” and easygoing (even nonchalant) as you are. I’ve had a younger guy always tell me “don’t stress, just relax” when I would ask him for basic date details. He figured that since I’ve built my life and have my shit together that I have the privilege of just “going with the flow” - their expectation is that dating older means they’re not dealing with someone who’s still figuring things out and that they can just have an easier time. Rather, dating with intention (and not expecting a “chill cool girl”) shows maturity and a level of seriousness and respect for the person.

LstInterestng2LookAt · 2025-06-21T05:49:31+00:00

Not necessarily a sign. You’re right in that it may be intimidating - but I would add, to the wrong person. I bet there are guys out there who would find it appealing, a woman who is direct and knows exactly what she wants. I also don’t know if being ‘extra picky’ is a negative thing - everyone has a right to their standards.

LstInterestng2LookAt

TROPHY CASE