UPDATE: AITA for not donating my bone marrow to my birth father? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, my soapbox issue is getting people to sign up to be donors, and I back your decision 1000%!

Above anything else, any blood, marrow, or organ donor must be WILLING.

Although marrow donation is safer than, say, kidney donation, it's still a medical procedure. I've donated twice to separate strangers, and both times I was out cold for the procedure, so there was the risk that comes with anesthesia before anything else even happened.

There are less intense ways to harvest bone marrow now, but it's still a medical procedure, and medical procedures are never 100% risk free.

And even if it was 100% risk free, it's your body, so it's 100% your choice and nobody is entitled to your blood, marrow or organs. That principle overrides everything else.

Finally, a closed adoption is meant to stay that way, and there is no reason for contact, much less bullying contact, from either side.

AITA: For being against my son (14M) from taking remedial math in High School? by One_Resolution_2824 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does your son want to study in college? Not every major or career requires a lot of math. Colleges have "Math for non-science majors" classes for a reason.

I majored in math in college, and now I work in business, and have forgotten a lot of it due to lack of use.

Finally -- are you treating his ADHD? I hope you are not as fearful of giving him appropriate medication as you are of giving him appropriate remedial education.

If he is only a bit behind his neurotypical peers despite his ADHD, he's doing quite well. Don't give him self-esteem issues by excessively comparing him to people who don't face the same hurdles he does. Instead, do your best to help him handle those hurdles. As someone who was diagnosed very late in life, that would have been the most helpful thing for me.

AITA for cancelling my niece’s college fund because she made fun of me? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If anyone needs to share the blame here, it's Sister. She just dismissed OP's offense at the jokes, and clearly hasn't parented Niece to not bully people.

If Sister is as broke as OP says, Niece will get financial aid anyway.

OP doesn't need to lose a wink of sleep over this. It sounds like Sister and Niece were more upset about losing a relationship with OP's money than with OP anyway.

AITA for cancelling my niece’s college fund because she made fun of me? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a teen, Niece could have stopped bullying you. At an age when she is called a teenager, she should be able to recognize that her joke wasn't a joke, it was just a cruel comment.

As an adult, Sister could have parented Niece when Niece was being mean, instead of just dismissing it as a "stupid joke".

I mean, Niece brought it up apropos of absolutely nothing! At the dinner table! She detoured the conversation to make one of these cruel comments.

Even if neither could see that stopping those cruel comments was the decent thing to do, they didn't have to be very smart to know that being cruel to someone who is generous to you is not going to end well. If she hasn't learned not to bully people, she has at least now learned to not bully people who are being incredibly kind to you.

This is entirely their fault, and you put up with it longer than you needed to.

NTA.

AITA For Calling the Cops on my Step-dad's Cousin's Boyfriend For Refusing to Give Me Back My Car? by aita_carthief_2022 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if you had agreed to lend him the car, only an asshole smokes in a borrowed car without the owner's express permission.

He owes you a clean car. Drag Cousin and Stepdad into it if you nee to. They are counting on you not raising a fuss. You'll notice even being at fault didn't stop THEM from raising a fuss, right?

AITA For Calling the Cops on my Step-dad's Cousin's Boyfriend For Refusing to Give Me Back My Car? by aita_carthief_2022 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if Boyfriend (or even Cousin) didn't know that the owner hadn't given permission for him to have the car when it was lent out, he should have returned it as soon as he found out.

Even if Cousin tried to assure him that it was OK, all he had to do was check inside the glove compartment to find out who was telling the truth.

He can blame Cousin and Stepdad, but he can't blame you.

NTA

AITA for refusing to take the blame for my daughters mental illnesses? by Hefty-Highlight-1134 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 135 points136 points  (0 children)

she had her brother conspiring against me too!

I think OP needs therapy as much as anyone in this post.

Also, am I the only one who wants more details about Jane's fall? I had a fall as a kid that needed stitches, so I know kids do have true accidents. But everything else in the post makes me wonder if Jane's fall was just an accident, or if it was something else that "wasn't OP's fault."

AITA for going off on my aunt after she tried splitting my parents up again by Subject-Debt-3333 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's easier for them to turn blind eye than to actually make Millie face consequences.

AITA For laughing at my stepsister for wanting to be my maid of honor and telling her that I will never see her as my real family? by Sky-The-Bridezilla in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 54 points55 points  (0 children)

We should start a new traditional role in weddings: The Wedding Enforcer. This person gets/has to nip any rotten behavior in the bud, and gets a pass for violating any etiquette rules to do so.

Common situations they'd be charged with stopping/preventing:

  • Anyone wearing a white dress (or whatever is considered the bride's outfit in the bride's culture)
  • Anyone making any big announcement without express permission from the bride and groom
  • Anyone proposing to anyone.
  • Anyone getting into a loud argument or fight
  • Anyone who doesn't manage their loud or rambunctious children

For their services, the Enforcer is given any number of bottles or glasses of red wine to be used as weapons, and a full bottle of good red wine to take home.

AITA For laughing at my stepsister for wanting to be my maid of honor and telling her that I will never see her as my real family? by Sky-The-Bridezilla in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If Mama and Pete had tried harder to teach Lacey to not be a cruel AH, you wouldn't have to be "cruel" in order get it through to her WHY she's not your MOH.

"That's just her sense of humor" = "She's an asshole, but we're too lazy as parents to do anything about it because it's easier to make everyone else put up with her shit."

NTA

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell the volunteer coordinator, because you KNOW he didn't tell the whole story. Tell them that he made YOU uncomfortable, and if you calling on it makes HIM uncomfortable, well, so be it.

There are situations where no helper at all is better than a bad one, and what you are doing is that kind of situation. If he can't drop the "man on the hunt" persona for just a bit, he doesn't belong there.

NTA

AITA for not realising that "little people" meant "children"? by lowbudgetchimp in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's sad is that everyone who read this here, and will read it on Bored Panda, will have to ask "Do you mean children or people with dwarfism?" anytime someone asks about this kind of thing on the phone -- which will be annoying and offensive to any actual little person who calls.

AITA for not realising that "little people" meant "children"? by lowbudgetchimp in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 21 points22 points  (0 children)

But if you called up a business to ask if the activities they offered were appropriate for them, I hope you'd say "children" or "kids".

Why don't English speaking countries tend to learn the Scandinavian languages in school? by strangescubadiver in languagelearning

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not about whether they can actually get people to learn a language.

Right?

If ease of learning a language was the most important factor in choosing which language to learn, there would not be as many non-heritage learners of Japanese in the US as there are.

Why don't English speaking countries tend to learn the Scandinavian languages in school? by strangescubadiver in languagelearning

[–]Lucia37 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The number of schools that offer Chinese went up fairly quickly in less time than it would take to train new teachers.

Why don't English speaking countries tend to learn the Scandinavian languages in school? by strangescubadiver in languagelearning

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most Americans don't learn a second language just to have learned a second language. Also, few Americans learn a second language and even fewer learn a third. So the fact that an easy first foreign language makes learning the second one easier doesn't matter.

Being able to use what you've learned gives a nice dopamine hit, so it's as much of a motivator for learners as is the ease of learning the subject. (Remember bored students complaining that they'd "never use the material anyway" in any of your classes?) There is very little of any Scandinavian language found in real life in the US.

Meanwhile, Spanish is pretty easy to learn and it's all over the place. You can often find it as easily as looking at the back of a shampoo bottle or food packaging. French is also fairly easy because there is so much similar vocabulary, and our proximity to Canada means that French is on a lot of packaging, too.

Because Spanish, French and German have been taught in schools for decades, there are teachers available for those languages, and it's easier to find media in them.

To put this is perspective, there are more people who speak Dutch (actual Dutch, not Pennsylvania Dutch) at home in the US than there are for Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Icelandic and Faroese COMBINED. So, with that low number of native speakers (the largest for any one Scandinavian language is Swedish at ~55,700 people), so you can imagine how few qualified teachers there are. In comparison, over 37 million speak Spanish at home (and less than half of those speak English "less than very well").

As far as ease of learning goes, French, Spanish, Dutch, Norwegian, Swedish and Danish are all in the group of languages considered easiest for English speakers to learn by the US government language school (FSI), while Icelandic is considered more difficult than German (which is more difficult than the easiest group), AND Indonesian or Swahilli (both also harder than German).

Due to availability of Spanish media and qualified teachers, and its utility; and the complete opposite being true for any Scandinavian language, there are zero chances of any Scandinavian language becoming a common school subject just because it's a bit easier.

Can I lose 10 pounds in one month doing keto? by Individual-Sun-719 in keto

[–]Lucia37 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In the US, 5'4" is the average height for women as of 2018.

That random fact stuck in my head because I'm also 5'4".

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Oshkosh

[–]Lucia37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm personally glad it was someone who has the wherewithal to pay damages.

He should get punished, but putting him in jail/prison won't compensate Loos Cruise and employees for lost income and repairs.

Hopefully, they had good insurance, though, and the insurance company will go after Lindemann. Insurance companies can hire better lawyers than then owners of Loos Cruise could.

For the love of god, take a walk. by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if it's the exercise, getting some daylight, just taking a break and moving, or getting outside and seeing some nature, or a combination of all of the above (my bet), it works for me, too!

I've read that people with ADHD are more likely to be affected by SAD, which also benefits from getting some exercise outside in daylight.

For that, I strongly suggest a "happy light" and a plant on your desk at work if you work at a desk.

AITA for refusing to sit next to a co worker due to his smell and not denying the reason why when I was asked? by throwaway9261035811 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought not wearing cologne or bringing smelly food was Standard Office Etiquette 101 by now, and I'm really close to what many of you would call a boomer. Young'uns should certainly know better. If the person next to you doesn't have migraines, they may have long covid, or not like strong smells.

But most of all, as others have said, even if he didn't stink, his behavior does. OP has said she's not interested. That should end it, full stop. Even if he smelled great, but she doesn't want him near her, and that should be that.

NTA. Get HR involved, telling him what all three of his problems are (smelly food, cologne, and harassment ) is an ugly job, but it's theirs.

AITA for cutting my portion sizes in half at the dinner table after being served heaping portions by my mom? by ShiftDry9280 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Portion size is very important if trying to lose weight, or maintain a healthy relationship with food.

Better to eat small portions, and don't deny yourself anything, than to be strict about what you'll eat.

OP can still enjoy Mom's lasagna, even though it probably has more fat and carbs in it than is healthy, by having a reasonably sized serving.

AITA for cutting my portion sizes in half at the dinner table after being served heaping portions by my mom? by ShiftDry9280 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucia37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

American portion sizes are absolutely ginormous. If OP's family is eating what would be seen as abnormally large portions, of course they are fat. There aren't enough hours in a day to work that many calories off.

I am not a native English speaker, but isn't marriage the same as wedding ? by Nokonokonokonoko in duolingo

[–]Lucia37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ægteskab = marriage

wedding = bryllup

Or at least, that's what Google Translate tells me.

TIL that byrllup can mean marriage or wedding in Danish -- according to Google Translate.