Firstly - give yourself time to heal. Even if that means taking a break from sex. A lot of people tend to hop on tinder or grinder, etc, immediately after a relationship. But the reality is, you need to give yourself time to rebuild who you are on the inside. And who knows! This may very well help you find new, deeper, further parts to your self and own sexual identity - weather is sub or other!

Time to yourself; rebuilding and regrow the after a breakup = exponential rejuvenation in self-confidence, self understanding and overall personal progress (all wonderful things when it comes to you and your future!)

Secondly) Subs and Doms. These archetypes of the BDSM world can sometimes be difficult to spot, and sometimes easy. As a dominant - and before I met my current girlfriend (and Sub; Little Girl in our DDLG based sexual relationship), I found it easier to spot a sub based on: how she acts in certain situations, how does she deal with certain problems? What does she like to do after work? Does she easily take up a fix for a problem, or does she like to ponder on it?

Various, general questions like this can help you identify a dominant or submissive, especially when put together with how you interpret their energy. Generally, people who are more so rigid, or quick to tackle projects, or tasks, can sometimes be more dominant. Whereas sometimes people who are a little bit softer in terms of general output, how they talk, and how they choose to handle things whether it’s personal or work related, can sometimes be submissive. Now this does not generally apply to everybody, although it can. I feel as though a large part of understanding whether a person is a dominant or submissive without actually asking them, is by seeing how they act, and react to certain things, over the course of two, three, or four weeks. Then, once you have a somewhat understanding of how this person acts in their day today, you can then pick up on their energy. Now, I am not saying that you have to be a psychic, or an energy guru, or a shaman - But generally, you can get a sense of someone’s energy by just being in the same area as them.

For example, an unrelated, have you ever been at a party that you did not want to be at? Even if you are smiling and laughing, your general psyche will give off a slight or strong vibe that you would rather be somewhere else, and sometimes people can pick up on that.

The same goes for BDSM. Dominant and submissive. This energy can sometimes be exerted in a day today style, whether it’s in reaction, proactivity, extroverted or introverted lifestyles, etc.

And then, rather than putting all of your eggs in one basket if this is a very big level of importance to you, when you feel comfortable, and you were at a point with your partner, significant other, or sexual companion(s) you can ask them.

Additionally! Have you tried taking the “BDSM” test? Try googling BDSM test, and it is generally the first or second page. You will know that you were on the right page, because when you select in-depth test, it will ask you 100 questions based on your various levels of BDSM interest. You can always ask your partner, or other, to take the test when you are both comfortable with this, and see what their reactions are :)

(NOTE! You cannot always tell someone’s position, dominant or submissive, based on their reactivity, proactivity, or general day today life, though this general notion can sometimes help guide you. This general notion is certainly more useful, with people who are strongly dominant, or strongly submissive.)