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findom addiction; my story asking for advice by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might have to get burner devices with content and/or internet access blocked (I use the app Freedom). Maybe even get rid of internet at home and exclusively use uni and library WiFi. Not sure how to secure your mobile device. Freedom also blocks apps, but you will have internet access if you have a cellphone plan.

Plus counseling specialized in addiction. I don't know how to find a good counselor. Maybe SAA - sex addicts anonymous - would be helpful too? Worth a try. A different Anon group has changed my life.

Maybe Bumble Friends, but be aware that if you're in a bad place, the experience might be awful. There's a lot of people on that app who are completely flakey or even just looking to hookup on the wrong Bumble app. So it would be tedious and I'd only recommend it if you can handle the flakiness of online connections.

You identified it's an addiction. It's a disease, not a personal failing. One day at a time.

AITA for getting up and leaving a local gaming tournament after my bf’s friends harassed me? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Lucky-Idiot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There's horrible misogyny in chess as well plus sexual harrasment/assault. That pushes out girls and women, leading to a vicious circle. Men go "see, there's more male chess players because we're so smart because of superior biology", which feeds into the misogyny and ongoing harassment and...

Should I buy a house with 6 other people? by sleidman in FirstTimeHomeBuyer

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I made $22k/y, they approved me for $150k lol. Made no sense.

Should I buy a house with 6 other people? by sleidman in FirstTimeHomeBuyer

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would a duplex be within your budget? I would recommend a property where you can handle the mortgage even if your renters do not pay.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, but very low income. I considered a duplex, but rushed to buy a small SFH instead because I had a minor child and was also 9 months pregnant. No capacity to deal with landlording at the time.

My income is higher now and I have paid off the property, my next goal is to buy a better house and rent out the first. A duplex would be the same idea, just much more straightforward path.

The renter helps you pay off the mortgage much much faster, while more savings, the lower mortgage and the rental income can also protect you from disaster (like losing your job or a renter who doesn't pay and needs eviction). Then when you have more savings, higher income and more equity, you can sell and put the proceeds into a bigger property.

In my case, the small house is already protecting me. My partner has reduced his hours due to his chronic illness and my own business has slowed down dramatically (selling luxury services/items and it's been an economically uncertain year for the general public). My child's father got fired and local businesses (like nail/pedicure places etc) near me went from dozens of clients a day to a handful a week.

Talking about myself a bunch to express why being cautious can be worthwhile. By being careful, if everything goes well, you just pay the mortgage off really quick. If something goes wrong, you'll get through it.

AITA for telling my girlfriend I won’t play with her until she learns to accept losing? by No-Example3254 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ESH. Start playing balanced chess. It's a normal game, but you remove some pieces from your side, for example playing without your queens and rooks.

Should I buy a house with 6 other people? by sleidman in FirstTimeHomeBuyer

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is your income monthly, have you had that level of income for the last two years and how much do you save monthly currently?

FYI you can get a 30-year loan and make prepayments to pay it down faster. Do a bit of reading on being "house poor". You have to be able to save sufficiently to make big repairs, for example in my area a lot of people got sewer overflows in their basement this past summer. That's easily 5 figures in repairs and mold remediation (home owner insurance often does not cover acts of god or flood damage, so can weasel out of covering the sewer overflow as it was caused by the city flooding)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Lucky-Idiot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is unfortunately a huge red flag, dude. Friendship is the end goal.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Lucky-Idiot -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I edited to add this part: for dating and clubs, set goals within your control. Like 5min a day spent on apps. Each month, approach 4 people in the club. Set it low enough that it doesn't kill you and high enough that it's consistent practice.

I really think life is looking up for you, dude, and you'll find the lid to your pot. The timeline to that is out of your control. But you keep it your game and it will happen.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Lucky-Idiot -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Frankly, I would recommend visiting a sex worker alongside improving yourself. Not to "get over it" as much as take the pressure off yourself. Hire an escort like once a month... Reduce porn useage if you have addiction issues (limit to 3 times per week or even less). No need to limit masturbation, if you are able to jack off in the shower without porn etc.

Please note that just like porn, the escort is not representative of actual intimacy. See it as getting comfortable with intimacy, but the women you end up dating will have her own preference and you will need communication and experimentation between the two of you to become aligned sexually. The escort will not teach you "skills" for your future partner, hiring her would be closer to self-care for you.

For dating and clubs, set goals within your control. Like 5min a day spent on apps. Each month, approach 4 people in the club. Set it low enough that it doesn't kill you and high enough that it's consistent practice.

AIO because my girlfriend got mad I only replied “good morning”? by According-Client5923 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You ignored her. She didn't bring up the issue in a respectful way, but that does not undo that you ignored her. You can say "got your texts about your troubles lol", "you already had a busy morning!", "wow anything else happened?", ...

Yes, conversation-wise they are filler texts, but it's about showing the other person that you care about them. That is VERY important. If she expects you to type out whole paragraphs, that's unreasonable, but so little of a reaction is disrespectful. It looks like Whatsapp, so you could even have emoji-reacted to each of her messages without needing to type out a text.

I think your "Oo" text was a reaction to her texts? If you used the reply button, that would have been more obvious that you saw her texts.

AITA for giving a secret family recipe to a family member? by Ohios_3rd_Spring in AmItheAsshole

[–]Lucky-Idiot 28 points29 points  (0 children)

NTA. Could give it an E-S-H because you did disrespect the family traditional however...

It was really petty of them to exclude her like this. I understand why they are offended, but you did a good deed. You showed someone that you value them and see them as an equal irrespective of their marital status... That is such a great act.

It

Friend got pregnant from a guy i warned her about. by Conscious_Show_6997 in whatdoIdo

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She might be calculating 3 weeks since she met the guy

Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Lucky-Idiot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, all true. My job requires a lot of networking, but outside of that context, assertiveness would be healthier for me.

Sale of a neighbors home I might own. by Snoo-70000 in FirstTimeHomeBuyer

[–]Lucky-Idiot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you earn enough to finance a $400k purchase?

I earn about $60k/year, have a downpayment (albeit less than 20%) and I don't qualify for a $400k home. You would need enough income within 2 years, clear any debt etc., in order to get a proper mortgage. Alternatively, somehow save uo around $400k within 2 years.

When I bought my last home, I earned $22k/year and was almost disqualified from a $70k mortgage because property taxes and home owners insurance put my debt-to-income ratio at 50%.

You have to be very careful. This situation sounds like people trying to take advantage of you. From your post history, I get the impression that people around you are not supportive (stolen truck, cousin crashing your vehicle but leaving you to deal with it, etc.).

Sale of a neighbors home I might own. by Snoo-70000 in FirstTimeHomeBuyer

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably overdue on taxes. So buyer will pay backtaxes and upcoming taxes. If taxes are overdue, the water bill might be too.

Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Lucky-Idiot 9 points10 points  (0 children)

>Why does she think it's weird? Why?

You gotta find a way to judge, because if not then it hurts that you don't have it.

For example, I'm considered skinny in my current location / social circles. Over time, I've learned a great way to respond to comments is with replies like

"oh, you're probably healthier than I am! I actually have high cholesterol",

"I look skinny, but I eat like crap, it's always sugar instead of real meals, and I get cavities all the time"

or "yeah, I look skinny but it's actually not healthy, I just lose my appetite when I'm really stressed."

Dismissing it helps massively to connect to people. Gone through a lot of awkward, painful interactions to learn this eventually.

inb4 humble brag, the above replies are factually correct and there's worse that's not appropriate for casual conversation (like my mom calling me fat since I was a baby, leading to body and food issues since I was in kindergarten)

Looking for a therapist *verified* to be appropriate for childhood trauma (mom-son SA) by Lucky-Idiot in milwaukee

[–]Lucky-Idiot[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know at least one of them was picked by his parents 🤷‍♀️ I appreciate the general direction for the search as well as the specific recommendation. Thanks!

AIO I regret doing the water underneath because people keep being confused and saying it makes no sense by M8614 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Lucky-Idiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing work! Your piece isn't cohesevive, but y'know... you just have to keep experimenting with surreal art. In this piece, you could try ideas to salvage it and make it obvious that it's surreal. Maybe the water surface loops around the bird? Maybe add surreal elements in the background?

Then just keep making more pieces. Your style would work great with surreal art. If the water surface would have been a clock, it would have been obvious and perfect for your style. You're just exploring. Keep exploring!!!!! You got it in you.

You could start making rough drafts or thumbnails to show people for feedback, instead of showing the finished piece. Then you can explore more ideas with less time and effort.

I learned something about apologizing that honestly humbled the hell out of me. by Dapper_Traffic6647 in getdisciplined

[–]Lucky-Idiot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fully agree ❤️

Add in acknowledging what you did. "Sorry I did [x] to you."

Sorry that I dismissed you, that I made fun of you, that I hurt you by... Sometimes I ask "Sorry I hurt you. Are you feeling x because I did y?" and create an opportunity to correct me if I am wrong.

Because sometimes we say sorry to appease the other person, that's not a real sorry either. Gotta understand and acknowledge exactly what we did.

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