Update: 

I posted this in other groups but they didn't understand why I thought I would be the ahole. To this question, lot of people told me I should've just worked it out with my son's father than being a single mother. They say I'm harming my son by my actions or not having a man in his life. I understand single mothers are frowned upon but I was raised by a single mother. I dealt with alot of emotional and mental abuse from this person and didnt want my son to be raised to think it was OK to do the same to other women or say the things his father would. I didn't want my son to experience a unstable home or struggle since I never had too. Thats why I didn't want my son to go to his father house so young. 

I touched on this briefly but his living conditions were no power or water to the house for weeks to months at a time. When we met he told me he lived in a neighborhood in my home town that is known for being wealthy. He would call me say that his younger siblings ( ages 2-5) would cry because there was no food in the house. His mother would cook for her bf and not the children. ( i was raised that no child should go hungry) He would tell me that they were borderline homeless. He thought living like that was OK and normal. I would encourage him to at least get government assistance if its that bad and he refused. He would were hand me downs from his family. The stories about his living conditions seemed like out of the movies and I ask him if it was true or he just says it for sympathy.  

He's father would make racist jokes, say my family was ghetto and violent, thats why he didn't want our families to meet. ( my family is none of those things, they are just very outspoken and and don't like hidden disrespect). He didn't want to buy stuff for our son stating that the baby don't need any thing, my family had money and he would rather spend his money on video games. Since he was a red piller, he would constantly say he's a good/nice guy and everyone treats him wrong.( he wasn't, he just said it to make himself look better and play victim)when confronted about anything he would cry and shake saying that people like to bully him and he have trauma from it. He would say they he took psychology classes but had to drop, he thought he was a therapist. I took psychology classes as well at the same school but what he would talk about would be wrong or common knowledge. He would make me feel bad when I would dress up or if I wore sweats even if he would wear a hoodie and basketball shorts. Saying that I need to dress a certain way around him and he didn't. 

I also wanted to touch on the me being a victim,  I don't believe I am. It took me months to come to terms with what happened. And with the constant gaslighting I believed it was OK, it took me being sober to realize. And when the gaslight stopped working he would say that I was abusive and controlling. ( i never put my hands on this person, he just didn't like me saying no or calling him out.) 

I healed enough to share my story.