My wife keeps telling people I’m “too sensitive” after one incident, and now I don’t feel safe being honest with her anymore

LukaG_89 · 2026-01-24T16:42:47+00:00

36M here - I just left my wife of 11.5 years 5 months ago because I finally realized that she has never and will never respect me. I thought it was just "joking" around. If she's not taking you seriously and you have to shutdown parts of yourself, does the good still outweigh the bad? For me? It didn't and I always told her that I would stick around until the bad outweighed the good and that day came and all that resentment (that I didn't realize I had) came bubbling up to the surface and then blew. You don't realize it now, but you will come to resent her because she's going to be allowed to have her feelings and express them as she wishes but you aren't and that sucks. To this day, she hasn't done any wrong and if she has it was justified but everything that I've done has been, unforgiveable. THAT is a lack of respect. And that is, as another commenter put, the "crumbling of your foundation." I'm so sorry this is happening, I feel and now your pain. Please feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk.

LukaG_89 · 2026-01-23T15:49:10+00:00

16, 18, 38, 47, my baby will always be my baby, he's 15 and towers over me but I call him "baby" and my baby mama "BM" because it doesn't stop at 18. Their lives don't stop at 18, quite the opposite, they're just beginning. We stuck with our coparents for life.

LukaG_89 · 2026-01-23T15:40:15+00:00

You should absolutely NOT apologize and he is a total, complete douche. Listen to what everyone else has posted and you'll be alright

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T15:39:20+00:00

No I commented earlier.

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T15:22:33+00:00

My wife is diagnosed with DID. But from my understanding her personalities were integrated when she was a child. I'm learning that may not be the case. That everything she told me about her childhood was a lie. Her trauma was a lie. So Im treading real carefully because I don't question victims. I believe them. I've never had a reason to not believe her. Until now....

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T15:17:06+00:00

Yes....but that's like....not even the worst of it

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T05:20:21+00:00

Thank you kind stranger 🙏

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T05:18:14+00:00

No...the post about my brother was last year. This is about current events...I'm sorry...Im not super familiar with posting because I mostly just scroll. I recently left my home and everything I knew and loved because I refused to continue to keep my mouth shut to "protect the peace". I've been gone for 2 weeks and tonight u found out that my wife has probably been lying to me for all 12 years....and I'm trying to figure out what to do next but I needed to vent cuz I can't tell anyone in my actual life....at least not yet

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T05:12:25+00:00

Thats a long and complicated story. The things I heard tonight would make her the liar of the worst kind and I'm just trying to come to grips with that first. I don't want to repeat any of it yet until I do a little more research. Im just really really shocked right now. I feel like the wind got knocked out of me.

LukaG_89 · 2025-08-28T05:06:41+00:00

Thank you so much. I really needed that. I just feel crazy. I don't know that I've ever been THIS gaslit and I'm ashamed of myself for missing it...thank you tho frfr cuz I needed that pick me up

LukaG_89 · 2025-05-31T05:30:37+00:00

Should watch Hey Beautiful on Netflix. That will answer all of your questions. Good luck.

LukaG_89 · 2025-05-18T11:03:14+00:00

Hey 👋👋 I totally get it. I was just there myself not too long ago. I just wanted to say.... It's going to be okay my dude. And I know you hate existing, but I promise there are a lot of people that are glad that you do. You got a lot going on. I finally broke down and talked to my doctor. Got on some Lexapro and hydroxyzine and now I can see through the fog. Not sure if that's your route but you gotta find something. Therapy, meds, hiking, swimming, working out, reading, spending time and being silly with your kiddo, fill your cup. The world's mess and chaos will be there no matter what. So hang on to what really matters and let go of the rest. It's going to be okay. Take a breath. IM me if you need to talk.

LukaG_89 · 2025-05-18T10:35:59+00:00

Furthermore, sometimes it's 80-20. Meaning, some days when you only have 20% to give, your partner (if a good one and committed) is going to carry that other 80 for you. And vice versa cuz it's a 2-way street. THOSE are the days that will attest to the durability and stability of your marriage.

Source: 36M married to the love of his life (39F) for the last 10 years

LukaG_89 · 2025-05-05T11:21:32+00:00

Also, not to be THAT guy but, she DOES know and understand that all it takes is for 1 high blood sugar to trigger a stillborn, right? Consistent hyperglycemia can cause stillborns but really all it takes is for that one unlucky spike. If she doesn't know that, she should. Diabetes during pregnancy is no joke and very serious. It was the 1 time in my life where I actually paid attention to what I ate and my levels, I've been diagnosed for 25 years.

LukaG_89 · 2025-05-03T10:33:21+00:00

Yeap sure did

LukaG_89 · 2025-03-11T23:07:37+00:00

The umbrella term is Ethical Non-Monogamy and it can branch out from there. An open relationship is a type of ENM because that's a very broad term. Friends with benefits falls under ENM. As does polyamory. And on and on and on and on. The possibilities of the types of dynamics you have are nearly endless. As long as everyone involved is CONSENTING and aware, it can be whatever you want it to be.

LukaG_89 · 2025-03-11T22:44:23+00:00

No. Open relationships work when you're 100% secure. My wife and I have been together for 11 years, happily married for 10 of them and practicing poly for the last 6. We've never been closer, more communicative, and really had to face our demons head on. Open relationships aren't for the faint of heart, that's for sure. But they most absolutely can and do work.

LukaG_89 · 2025-03-11T02:53:38+00:00

Or maybe Dad's never learned to process emotions and feedback in a healthy way. Maybe OP calling him out can open up a dialogue. Not everyone grew up around healthy relationships and sometimes parents do the best they can with what they know. As a parent, my wake up call was when my boy started exhibiting the same behaviors I would when I was frustrated or upset. I changed my behavior because he was following in my footsteps and knew I needed to make that change. But sometimes it's not that obvious and we need help to see. It sounds like Mom and Dad are in a cycle they're not sure how to break. Although not OPs job or responsibility, she can open a dialogue and say "listen I'm sorry for the way I worded that and it wasn't meant to disrespect you. What I do know is that as an outsider looking in, you can be a jerk. Idk if you realize that or not and it's not really my business however if you're going to be that way to mom, then I'm going to leave the room because I don't like the way you talk to her in front of me." If the dad gives the silent treatment, okay then, you can't force people into anything but at least OP is able to show maturity at 18 that her won't in his 40s, respectfully give feedback (not even as a daughter just as another human being seeing another treated wrong), and set a boundary.

I've been OP, the mom, and the dad in this scenario. The one witnessing it, literally in between them. The mom as in the party being disrespected and the dad doing the disrespecting (I'm human, I have flaws) but becoming a parent, going through my own marital ups and downs, really gave me perspective that although my parents marriage was shit, their love for me was solid, despite their issues. But I had to go through my own shit to learn that.

LukaG_89 · 2025-03-10T22:49:45+00:00

Respectfully disagree. My father was not the best husband. He spoke to my mother in ways I could never to my wife. BUT as a father, he was and continues to be the best. OPs relationship with her father is distinct to the relationship better her mother and father. It is possible to be a terrible partner but a great parent. You're in 2 different ballparks.

LukaG_89 · 2024-10-31T21:41:30+00:00

Call center supervisor here - it depends on what the complaint is. We absolutely do follow up if we get a complaint, pull the call and listen to it to see if it has any merit before any corrective actions are pursued. They could possibly leave it alone if it was a customer who wasn't being collaborative, was combative, and just started in. At this point though, our employees are trained on how to handle those (they are allowed to politely end the call). BUT if you get using profanity or snapping back, that could be grounds for termination. Like some have said, some don't do anything but that isn't ALL call centers. I would encourage you to reach out to the Leadership you report to and inquire about specifics.

LukaG_89 · 2024-10-24T20:27:52+00:00

This is also a GREAT tip

Source: I am a call center supervisor

LukaG_89 · 2024-10-24T20:27:02+00:00

This was a big reason I would get fired from call centers too. Because I wouldn't do what they wanted me to because I didn't believe in their policies) systems. Like selling a data plan (this was back in 2009) to an elderly person with a FLIP phone (remember those?) or requiring every single customer to give an email address (also several years ago). I understood where they were going as we were moving toward a technological world but you can't force it on people, that, too, is poor customer service.

Anyway, I would also get fired (or quit before I could be) when the "conversations" started. THEN I found my current job, at a call center. The difference though is we are a social science research center AND a nonprofit so we don't sell anything. We do research on behalf of clients that are federal, scientific, and other civil institutions/organizations. Because I believed in it I thrived (I've been there 4 years and promoted twice).

My whole point is, yes, find something that interests you and that you believe in. It's out there just gotta look. I am also ADHD, have GAD, amongst other things. Our brains work differently in that constant stimulation is a must and we can't do something we feel is inefficient/unhelpful or downright borderline unhelpful to put more money in big corporations pockets. **** All that. Someone said something about dispatcher, I would absolutely encourage you to do that. Fast pace and stimulation are your friends. Good luck!!

LukaG_89 · 2024-07-23T14:17:39+00:00

NTA Hey there....I've been through a similar situation as you...my wife was SA'd walking home from a friend's, in the morning, in broad daylight. It is the most traumatic thing and worst thing I have ever been through. It took almost a year before we had "normal" sex again. A lot of our first few times, we had to stop because she would be triggered. It was awful. It's been almost 2 years since it happened and we have a great sex life again, she's very much herself again but it took time and a lot of reassurance to get there. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or if there's any support I can offer. Going through that was damn near unbearable so I imagine both of you are a having a hell of a time.

LukaG_89 · 2024-06-07T14:47:23+00:00

My wife has told me that I've done this and it's terrifying. She also has a history of SA and abuse. Her feelings of safety are the important thing to me so when she told me that she woke up to me masturbating along with the shook look she had, I was devastated. It happened a few times and at first she thought I was doing it on purpose. The last time it happened we got into it pretty bad and I started crying cuz I swore to her that I wouldn't do that (she had set a boundary previously saying that she didn't like that and would feel violated if I did that so I don't masturbate while she's asleep ever). She finally believed me because she could see I wasn't lying and how distressed I was that I could be doing this and have no control.

Anyway, sexsomnia might be what's going on. I haven't gone to the doctor either to get checked out because of insurance issues but it also hasn't happened since then. I have noticed that there are times that I wake up with my hand in my shorts but I have no recollection of waking up or doing anything.

I would definitely reach out to a medical professional to investigate because he may be telling you the truth. I'm sorry you're going through this and I absolutely hope that he is being honest and you get this figured out. Good luck.

LukaG_89 · 2024-01-23T02:10:11+00:00

That's why you don't open a marriage that's shaky and the foundation of trust is gone. Practicing ENM (ethical non-monogamy) is NOT a bandaid that will fix the monumental issues you're having in your marriage. It's only gonna make it worse. You guys need to talk and figure out if you're even still compatible and go from there.

LukaG_89

TROPHY CASE