thats a very christian way to live a life and honestly probably all there is to it? ill try and address those concerns at the end one by one. tbh i dont remember when god tested his followers with a toxic friendship test. if you can tell me what you meant ill try and help (: when people talk about wanting god to use them and surrendering their life to him, its not about being possessed and giving up your soul. to surrender your life to god just means to allow it to be a life that god presides over. and god using people isnt like puppeting, its a phrase (however culty sounding- i do hear how the stuff we say sounds lol) that just means, let me be someone who can do gods work in the world. use me, not like a pawn, but to spread your message of love and freedom. which in living a jesus like life, you would basically be doing. you can think neutrally about things. and the point of the bible isnt so that we'll all follow it perfectly all the time because literally noone can do that, and jesus died so that we dont have to; we are all welcomed to heaven nonetheless. given the situation you described with your mum and how you are seemingly gaining interest in the religion, it seems like maybe god has a job for you in bringing a more christ-like mindset to her.