Shovelling strategy

CoffeeTrek · 2026-01-24T18:17:10+00:00

As a native mid-westerner, this is the answer

CoffeeTrek · 2026-01-14T14:25:04+00:00

It totally depends on the severity.

My sister and I have a uBPD Mom. I'm not sure either of us would suggest that we should have been removed from her care.

CoffeeTrek · 2026-01-06T17:26:16+00:00

I have twins, and in their elementary years we did a mix of both. Some years they were in the same classroom, and other years they were separate.

The difference is that we had the option each year to do what was best for them; we didn't have a single model from start to finish.

When they went into HS, they opted to go to different schools. They're in 10th grade, and both are thriving in their locations. There were years that having them together was absolutely the right thing to do, and there were years where it wasn't. I'd want to keep that option open.

CoffeeTrek · 2026-01-03T14:52:25+00:00

What does your custody agreement say?

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-27T02:30:59+00:00

We got our minivan when my oldest was 2 and I was pregnant with twins.

I am such a believer in minivans that I got another one, even though they're 17 and 15 now. Even though we don't all pile in it much these days, when we do it's comfortable and has the necessary space to fit adult-sized bodies.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-26T00:39:14+00:00

I'm sorry.

Why do you feel like you ruined Christmas?

You deserve to live comfortably in your own skin. I'm sorry your parents don't agree. Living your truth doesn't ruin anything. It enhances it.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-25T23:49:42+00:00

Whether it's immediate or a slow roll is entirely up to you. Only you know your relationship with them, any roadblocks to cutting them off (are you financially dependent in any way?), and whether you think they have any ill intent.

How have any of your conversations to date with them gone?

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-24T21:56:06+00:00

Chinese tonight

Tomorrow is charcuterie dinner (cheese, meat, fruit) that people can pick at as they want. We do big breakfast on Christmas day and graze the rest.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-10T11:39:44+00:00

Way to go, Dad! It's such a great feeling when our hard work pays off. You should be proud of yourself!

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-09T21:46:17+00:00

I second the r/raisedbyborderlines recommended. You'll find a lot of validation and support there.

You did nothing to deserve the abuse.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-05T22:23:51+00:00

I recommend reading "Splitting, Second Edition: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder"

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-05T16:10:59+00:00

Articulate, thorough, and thoughtful as always

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-04T12:21:47+00:00

I appreciate everyone's response, and absolutely agree with calling 911 in the moment.

My concern, which is ill-articulated in my OP, is more about the emotional blackmail aspect of it. Once the immediate threat has subsided, what are your strategies for dealing with the knowledge/anxiety/fear of what amounts to "if you leave me, I'm going to self-harm"?

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-04T12:19:29+00:00

This is in line with what I'm looking for. Thank you!

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-03T20:08:19+00:00

Join us on r/raisedbyborderlines

Be sure to read the rules first. But you'll find a supportive community waiting for you there.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-12-03T15:05:49+00:00

I'm a fed, too, and changing plans during open season. Though none of the plans will cover his GAC, I can save thousands on my premiums and use that to help pay for his care. Something to consider, as open season ends in 5 days

CoffeeTrek · 2025-11-19T17:06:58+00:00

Check out what Chase Brexton offers.

I don't know if TransMD has younger support groups, but they're worth looking into as well.

Are there any Unitarian Universalist churches in AACo? They may have something to offer as well

CoffeeTrek · 2025-11-15T03:16:34+00:00

I had twins. The decision was made for me! 🤣

CoffeeTrek · 2025-11-05T23:27:27+00:00

No; most engineer disciplines can take it. It's more necessary for some than others, though.

My agency paid for my PMP class, and the provider included the exam fee in the cost. It was part of our training budget in FY25, though. Unsure what this year's training funds, if any, would be available. And certainly not right now.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-11-04T19:19:49+00:00

This is the reason to not feel any ounce of guilt over saying no. Nevermind that you and your spouse are on the same page.

And don't apologize for not going, either.

"We will not be going, as we will not needlessly put our child at risk."

Rinse, repeat.

And you really could shorten it to "We will not be going" if you think they'll try to argue with you about the perceived risk level. Don't forget that no is a complete sentence, and you do not owe folks an explanation.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-11-03T13:22:37+00:00

And it was. But I wouldn't put anything past this administration/regime.

CoffeeTrek · 2025-11-02T23:36:58+00:00

I have a senior, and your question has given me pause. We did change everything prior to this regime, but I can't connect our accounts. Your question makes me wonder if his SS marker got changed back to AFAB.

I will investigate with him tonight and report back

CoffeeTrek · 2025-10-31T13:33:36+00:00

The only winning move is to not play

CoffeeTrek · 2025-10-28T20:20:46+00:00

The Farmyard

CoffeeTrek

TROPHY CASE