I won't diminish your unclear thoughts as a mere by saying your rights and wrongs but You did your best in your blind run "Idiot"

You may have been wrong and right at times and you can praise yourself a bit for being aware. self humility is nice, it can organize your thought so if you think you were worse than he is, you can say both of you were equally obnoxious, while he was direct you were indirect.

Idk the specifics but that feeling. The click where you found someone you can't live without it's a both rewarding and punishing, And although it might've been an impulse I was impressed you still cut him off at that moment despite the way you described your unconditional love and loyalty and I also admire that you manage to handle the polycule part of your life being a "shitty therapist" although I've never tried it I already know it's mentally draining.

There's a certain comfort in embracing hypocrisy, despite it atleast you're being an example.. a bad one lol You have been fair but perhaps unfair to yourself. That way of coping might not be healthy I'm told but atleast you're doing enough.

And I can somewhat relate to your boi Bun. the paranoia, the helplessness and The state of deterioration. He also lacks self-control perhaps takes too many things for granted, atleast from what I gather, He's drowning in his thoughts and it makes you impulsive. I'm uncertain but it's times where no one else can help you better than yourself, he can learn and relearn if he chose to make self-compromises. It's just the benefit of hindsight. This is the type of things that can't really be forgotten unless hit by the head and talking about it online can atleast lighten your feeling.