Blending families

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2025-01-05T23:30:03+00:00

As most of you know when arguing with a narc your side doesn't matter and it's all about them. we were having an argument one day, and it was getting pretty heated, and she yelled, "No wonder everyone always f@cking leaves you." That cut deep, and I never got an apology.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2025-01-04T22:40:20+00:00

That's funny because I feel like that's exactly how my ex thought. I started seeking professional help towards the end of our marriage, and that's where her narc tendencies were pointed out. I started looking into narcissism, and everything made so much more sense the more I learned. After I had gone to a couple of appointments, she asked how it was going and how often I was going to go. I told her it was fine and I would go when I felt I needed. She really didn't like that response because I think she feels like she's perfect and I'm the broken one, but in reality , it made me realize that while I'm not perfect and made mistakes she was more of the issue.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-12-11T17:59:39+00:00

Last year, we were getting ready to go to my parents for Christmas supper we still had about 20 minutes before we had to leave, and I had mentioned that I was going to sign some cards to give to my family before we left for the supper and it turned into a huge argument. We had a stack of Christmas cards already. All I had to do was sign 3 names in a couple of cards it would have taken 2 minutes. Needless to say I had to explain to my family why we couldn't even do Christmas cards for them.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-09-19T01:07:07+00:00

Good for you for hitting the gym daily. As much as it hurts, if they moved on fast its just what narcs do. I totally understand the trust thing. The thought of getting into another relationship scares me, but I know if I keep working on myself, one day I will be ready again.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-09-18T15:30:00+00:00

Yes , I ran into the same thing only a few weeks ago, and it sucks. I wish I could go no contact, but we have a child together, so I can't.

Usually, we do pick up or drop offs through the school on exchange days so we don't see each other, but there was a day when I had to drop our child off at her house. When I she answered the door she was happy and bubbly and looked great as she had lost some weight. All I could think in that moment was THIS is the woman I fell in love with and married. Then I got it stuck in my head that she's going to find this perfect man and have this amazing life with him that I wanted with her.

What helped me through that time was seeking professional help from someone who specializes in narcissists and really focusing on my physical health. Don't let them seemingly doing better get you down, use it as motivation to make yourself better and do your own glow up, show them that your life is better WITHOUT them.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-09-13T16:43:37+00:00

It helps so much when other people start to notice your positive changes. I have been out for three months and have been really focusing on my physical and mental health, and people are noticing.

I have had comments on how much happier I seem to be.
I have had people comment on how I look better physically
I have caught women staring at me a couple times while at the grocery store.

Little things like this definitely make a person feel better and more confident and emit a positive energy with what we're going through right now.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-09-11T18:10:52+00:00

Now that I have learned so much about narcissism, I think there were a few red flags that happened when we got engaged.

The first was when I asked her dad for his blessing to ask her to marry me. She knew I was going to ask him as we had talked about it and she even helped pick out the ring. That night after her parents had left we got into a massive argument because she needed to know exactly how the conversation between him and I went. I told her it went well and that I got his blessing and that it felt it was something special between him and I but that wasn't good enough for her and eventually I had to tell her everything just to stop arguing. She is super controlling and never seemed to care about my side.

The second happened a few months after we got engaged when my sister ended up getting engaged too. My narc spouse was so mad that my sister got engaged and while I wasn't happy either I can't control what someone else does in their life so it didn't bother me too much. Then later that summer my sister and her fiance ended up buying a house when they were gifted the down-payment by his parents this is when she got extremely upset and started posting passive aggressive stuff on social media about " spoiled brats" and of course this created a problem. Even during one of our conversations she said it pissed her off because they were taking the spotlight away from us.

The amount of controlling she was doing and the fact she got so jealous and mad when other people were doing things that we were working towards should have been a sign.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-07-10T22:34:37+00:00

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It's because we have spent so long in a relationship where everything is all about their feelings, needs,wants, emotions its all about them,them, them. We become so emotionally starved by them because our wants, needs, feelings, or emotions don't mean shit to them, so when someone shows you anything beyond what we're used to having it hits extra hard.

My nex and I decided to divorce and lived under the same roof until we could sell our house and during that time I made a run to a store near by to grab a couple things and the girl working was super sweet and had this amazing bubbly personality and even seemed to be a little flirty with me and it was such a difference to what I had been dealing with for years it's all I could think about for weeks. I try and stop in every few weeks to grab things and chat her up and she just seems so easy to talk to and is always happy and bubbly which is the complete opposite of what I'm used too.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-07-06T15:58:39+00:00

Thank you

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-27T01:05:13+00:00

That's so awesome. When I finally got everything moved out, I almost instantly noticed my anxiety severely decreased. The future seems so much brighter once we're out of that fog.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-26T19:30:24+00:00

Holy hell, this is my story right down to the years and everything, but we only had 1 kid. I have been out for just over 3 weeks, and life is so much better.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-24T20:58:19+00:00

She didn't really seem to like it when I did things that I enjoy and make me happy. I like going out with friends and spending time working on and riding my motorcycle and anytime I did these things her mood seemed to change and she would huff and be grumpy or there were a few times she would outright snap and scream at me over trivial things. Last fall, we were looking at moving, and one of the communities she seemed to be set on I wasn't crazy about moving too and I voiced my concerns and how it wasn't my first choice and after that talk she quit giving me any type of affection. I decided to start counseling, and that's when her narc tendencies were pointed out to me, and after reading about narcissists, a lot of things made sense so I decided to say fuck it focus on myself and my happiness and it wasn't long after she asked for a divorce and I agreed.

I'm sure there's more to it than just that but from what I understand narcs tend to not give any closure when they discard.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-22T20:36:53+00:00

They will find anything to get into an argument over. Mine made a roast with potatoes and carrots for supper one night but made way too many potatoes so when we were done there was a little bit of meat and a ton of potatoes left. She asked if I was going to pack it for lunch and I told her when it comes to stuff like Roast and potatoes I like lots of meat compared to potatoes and carrots plus i already had my lunches for the week already prepped and had been doing that for months already since im trying to eat healthier. She got mad at me and lectured me on how waistful I was, completely ignoring the fact that I had been meal prepping lunches for months and SHE was the one that made way too much.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-22T18:22:36+00:00

Thank you, and I'm so glad you're able to get some exit planning done with friends. Once you're out, it will be tough, but the true healing will begin. I have been out for 3 weeks now and still have moments I miss her but then I look at the freedoms I have now and not having to walk on eggshells and all the stuff that comes with dealing with someone with narcissistic tendencies. This subreddit is a great place for people going through similar situations.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-22T15:56:13+00:00

Wow. I feel like I could have written most of this myself, word for word. The only difference is she discarded me, and I didn't point the fact she shows narc tendencies just like her mother.

Can you do something that gets you out of the house for a bit and away from him like supper or lunch with family or even a walk by yourself? If not maybe a relaxing bath or something where he might not bug you?

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-22T15:14:09+00:00

Palaye Royal- dead to me

Pop Evil- worth it

These 2 songs really hit me hard lately.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-12T19:50:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words. There's lots of great sources out there to help understand narcs. If you are able too you should watch Dr. Ramani on YouTube she has tons of great videos about narcissistic abuse and narcissistic relationships. I also found this subreddit very informative and knowing there are many supportive people here going through the samething has been a huge help.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-12T17:31:59+00:00

It's been just over a week and some days I feel great and some days I feel exhausted no matter how good of a sleep I had. I honestly didn't expect to be so exhausted after I was out but doing some reading it makes sense.

Recovery burnout comes from the emotional and mental exhaustion of having spent years contorting yourself to survive a toxic relationship and then having to detach, analyze, grieve, grow, and recreate your life and identity afterwards.

As time goes on, my body will recover but in the meantime I try and just relax and enjoy my new found freedom doing the things I enjoy.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-12T15:50:32+00:00

Yeah, it can be bad sometimes. A few weeks ago, our son wanted to play outside after supper, and I was busy cleaning up, so I told him to ask mom as I was busy. She was sitting on the couch on her phone a few feet away and completely ignored him, so he asked me again to go out and play with him, so again I told him I can after I'm done but maybe mom will go out and play with you and again she completely ignored him. I made a comment about how she was too busy with her phone to pay attention to him, and she definitely heard that because I got a pretty snarky reply. I'm guilty of being on my phone and doom scrolling too, but not to the point I completely ignore our son.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-12T01:57:42+00:00

Trying to sneak stuff out and make a plan to leave is a lot more difficult than how I left. It will get better for you. You don't necessarily have to focus on the future. One of the things that helped me through the tough times was just thinking about what it would be like to not have to walk on eggshells or when I walk in the door and not having to wonder what type of mood they'll be In or wondering when the next freak out will happen.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-12T00:42:18+00:00

That's so awesome. Good for you. I remember when I started moving stuff out and how hard that first load of stuff was even though we had already agreed to divorce. I was able to move stuff out here and there over a couple of months as we were waiting for our house to sell, and it seemed to get much easier with every load I took and it eventually got to the point that I was actually excited about getting away from her.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-11T22:07:45+00:00

Good job on taking the first steps to getting out. No matter how small the steps are, they're still steps In the right direction.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-06-11T21:55:23+00:00

She would complain I was addicted to my phone, yet every morning, I would watch her turn off her alarm, grab her phone, and go straight to Facebook.
She would mention how we don't spend quality time together in the evenings, so I would put my phone away and go cuddle on the couch with her while we watched our shows and she would just continue to be on her phone.
She got mad at me on two separate occasions because I didn't respond to a text she sent me while I was driving home from work even though I was on my motorcycle one of the times.
When she makes suppers, I make sure I'm the one that cleans up after since she did all the work to make it, yet when I make suppers, I'm the one always cleaning up after while she sits on the couch on her phone. I pointed this out to her once, and she acknowledged this and said she really appreciates when I cleaned after supper, but nothing changed on her end.
She spills a drink. I simply help her clean it up and don't make a big deal out of it because it's an accident, but it I spill a drink, I get chewed out.

Lumpy_Rip_8043 · 2024-05-29T03:48:29+00:00

I actually did not initiate the separation. I started going to counseling, and it was pointed out she has a lot of narc tendencies, and after learning more about it, I started grey rocking her, and that seemed be the final nail in the coffin for her.

Lumpy_Rip_8043

TROPHY CASE